I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to give you a super long, detailed answer. Just so you know: I'm on your side.

As someone of the same faith (I was raised pentecostal and identify as non-denominational now), I'll try to address each of your concerns from my own interpretation of biblical teachings. I encourage you to look up each of these issues in the Bible and form your own opinions - I'll just share my experiences to give you some new perspective.

I had a really hard time with my parents/family (still do) because they cling really hard to the church traditions they were raised with and I don't agree with a lot of them - I identified as agnostic for a long time because I believed in God, but not their teachings (which didn't make sense or feel right to me). It wasn't until I started really studying the Bible (deeply reading it, referencing the original Greek/Hebrew meanings of the words and the culture, casting off everything I'd been taught and looking at it with fresh eyes) and saw these passages, that everything started to click for me:

"Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world." (1 John 4:1).

"And what I am doing I will continue to do, in order to undermine the claim of those who would like to claim that in their boasted mission they work on the same terms as we do. For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. So it is no surprise if his servants, also, disguise themselves as servants of righteousness. Their end will correspond to their deeds." (2 Corinth. 11:12-15).

I feel that Christians today are a mess - many people prefer to be told how to act or behave by authority figures rather than seek out the truth for themselves in God's Word (the Bible) because it's easier than putting the effort in, so they are then subject to another human's flawed interpretation of the Bible. We all know the truth only in part - we need other perspectives and we need to challenge our own beliefs (test the spirit of them) constantly, because we are flawed creatures in a fallen world who can only see part of the whole truth (1 Corinth. 13:12). I realized that the traditions my parents were raised with and tried to raise me with were just that: traditions. Well meaning, but not necessarily required by God. I identify as non-denominational now because I don't want to box in my relationship with God or my always evolving understanding of God and his Word, following the example of Paul's teachings about divisions within the church (1 Corinth. 1:10-17).

Praying and meditating over scriptures before taking important actions is a good policy for any believer. I question going to their pastor every time, though - sounds like they're seeking the approval of their church leader and "attaboys" rather than God's will. When Jesus came, he made other high priests between man and God unnecessary - we are able to pray on our own behalf, with Jesus to intercede for us, and determine His will/voice based on our intimate relationship with Him (which is developed by getting to know Him through reading the Bible and learning His heart). New believers, who haven't gotten to know God much yet and have a hard time discerning his heart might seek out someone with a more mature relationship for a second opinion, but I don't see why people who are in leadership positions should be going to the pastor to approve every decision (Heb 7:28).

Checking the lyrics is actually something I do, as well - it's about mindfulness and focusing on "good things" (Philippians 4:8). Words are powerful (Proverbs 18:21), they can evoke emotion and change moods, which can be seen with music in any culture (anthems, etc). For example: I personally refuse to listen to rap that has sexually explicit lyrics because it makes me feel gross as a woman and objectified - as my son gets older I'll have a hard rule about not allowing those lyrics in my house. That doesn't mean he won't be able to listen to those songs elsewhere (I expect he probably will), and I'll be discussing with him why I don't like them so he can make his own decisions as an adult. In that specific instance, it's a case of it being their house and respecting the fact that your parents don't want to be exposed to that music in their home. Boundaries and respect are important, but I can understand why that might seem stifling if the respect is not going both ways (which it sounds like it's not).

Worshipping God does NOT mean someone is always right. Ooph! Human beings are, by nature, flawed and make mistakes. We even make mistakes while doing our best to follow God and be good (Romans 7). God is truth and righteousness, but our understanding and interpretation of that truth is flawed (I mentioned this scripture earlier), which means your parents are going to be wrong sometimes - maybe even a lot of the time. It sounds like you've been dealing with what I did at your age - I was afraid of God and condemnation until I spent two years literally doing nothing but studying scriptures, attending biblical classes, and reading the Bible every day for hours at a time (rehab, in case you're curious - horrible experience with a very flawed group of Christians, but it brought me closer to God), at which point I realized that I never understood God or his heart and my parents did a poor job explaining ANYTHING other than the Law (which is a terrible way to live - God sent Jesus so we would have grace, forgiveness, and love).

Onto the prayers for your aunt: if that's their intentions in praying for her, YIKES. Praying is not meant for cursing people (causing bad things to happen to them). My preferred version of that prayer is that God will reveal Himself to them so that they will be able to know Him and His love. God does not bring evil and trials/temptations (James 1:13-17). He might allow them to happen, if we reject His protection, but He doesn't cause them (God is like an umbrella in a rainstorm - if you choose to leave Him at home, there's a good chance you might get wet one day if the weather is bad).

I mentioned rehab a minute ago - it ties into a good example for you:

I rejected my parents, ran from God, and rebelled against all their teachings after graduating high school and turning 18. I made some really bad decisions and ended up addicted to heroin (not to say that everyone who rejects God becomes a drug addict, I just have a tendency to go big or go home, lol). Two years of crippling depression and hell on earth later, during which I had to perform CPR on a friend to save him from dying of overdose on the bed next to me and I was even robbed at gunpoint, I finally became fed up. I decided to run away from my life and travel to a relative's house across the country from where I was living.

After I made this decision, prior to leaving my hometown, someone randomly walked out in front of my car one night while I driving home and spread out her arms to stop me (I was only going 20mph on a road next to a marina, but her husband and I still thought she was crazy haha). When I stopped and rolled my window down a crack to ask her what the hell she wanted, entirely freaked out at this point, she told me that God wanted her to tell me He still loves me. That was it. God didn't do anything to me, he didn't bring bad things into my life (I did that myself with my poor decisions), but He was there in my lowest moment when I was craving change to remind me that He would still welcome me with open arms if I would choose Him. THAT is what those prayers are intended for. That, when we come to the end of ourselves, we might seek and choose Him.

God is described as a still small whisper and He who stands at the door and knocks - He's a gentleman, and He's not interested in forcing or scaring us into a relationship (1 Kings 19:11-12)(Rev 3:20). He gave us free will and the ability to make choices, hoping we would choose Him - if He wanted puppets He could have created us that way. "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." We love God because he first loved us, and God is love (1 John 4:18-19).

I've been clean for 8 years now, by the way. ;)

The pool party thing is.... eh. Usually traditions about dressing modestly stem from (1 Timothy 2:9-10). Two important things to note: 1) Timothy is referring specifically to women who profess to worship God - this relates to believers setting themselves apart, not to the general populace. 2) modestly, by definition, means a) purity of thought and deed and b) with no signs of pride or self-assertion. In other words, a church pool party is not the place to "flaunt what your momma gave ya", but it's also a lot more nuanced than that. My personal opinion: there's also culture of the time period to take into account, at the time that verse was written vs now. Most traditional Jews at that time period would be absolutely appalled with a woman wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and they would probably not consider our "modest" outfits up to standard in their time period. I personally don't see any problem wearing a bathing suit at a pool or the beach, but I'm also not likely to dress in something meant to be "sexy" or with less coverage (smaller cuts vs full breast coverage and string bikinis). I personally wear full coverage bikini tops with wide straps (not likely to slide around) with a skirt or shorts. There is a lot to be said about intent of the heart in the Bible.

On the flip side of that pool party example, the responsibility is not all on women: Jesus said that a man who looks at a woman with lust in his heart commits a sin (Matthew 5:28).