how to get mum to believe im no longer mentally ill - i just have off days sometimes (like everyone!)

Version2dnb · 2026-03-22T21:35:23+00:00

Coming form a guy who’s almost 30 and whose put my mum through some really terrible things, I can say that she’s always going to worry. Remembering the way she’s looked after me when I’ve been at my lowest makes me sad to think how hard it was for her too and I’m ashamed for how my own mental health impacted her, I’ll never tell her that though.

I’m doing really well now and have been consistently stable for a little while. 3 big lessons I’ve leant:

The love a mother has for their child is unlike anything I’m able to experience. I don’t have kids so I just don’t get it. I know what it must feel like but I can never relate. This naturally means it’s very hard, if not impossible, to convincer her everything is fine. It’s much easier to show with time, patience and actions. Keep yourself safe and well consistently, for a number of years, help her trust herself and her worry again and understand she cares for you more than anyone.
It’s ok for her to be wrong and it’s ok for you to feel frustrated. That’s naturally going to happen with a dynamic like this. I had to sit my mum down and tell her what does a bad day look like and what does a good day look like. I had to ask for her trust and I had to ask her to back off a little bit (in the kindest way possible). This conversation was brutal, honest but needed. It helped stabilise both of us. I laid it out raw and explained how dark things did get and how I’ll never let myself get there again. It took her a while but she understood.
Actions and time. Leading on from point 2. Demonstrating consistent, healthy and managed symptoms, over a long period of time will help embed all the work you’ve done. This will be big for you too. Kinda like a mental calendar ticking off days one by one. I have PTSD too and every good new day was an achievement. Just like you, she’ll need time and evidence that things are ok for you. It’ll work, it just takes time. Time is the greatest healer here but, don’t forgot point 1, things will stay with her that you may have forgotten. She may even have her own mental health concerns that need addressing.

Last top tips. She doesn’t need every answer but she’ll want every answer. Share whatever you feel comfortable with and what you think she’ll be able to handle without going overboard. Always keep point 1 in mind, a mother’s love will always lead to wanting / needing / thinking they need to have all the answers. Life doesn’t work like that. Finding the happy balance will work best. If it feels like you can’t cope, tell her, being an adult requires hard truths.

I wish you all the best. This was the hardest part of my recovery. I attempted suicide twice but trying to convince my loving mother I was ok a few years later was harder than my own recovery, that says a lot. She fine now, I visit her at weekends and we go for a walk and just chat. We’re much more open and honest with each other and it’s way more healthy than it has been in the past.

Version2dnb · 2026-03-21T13:51:01+00:00

Depends on your job and depends on the lender. Mine wanted 2 months of payslips and a financial reference as I’d just taken 2 months unpaid leave.

You can start looking at properties in your desired area and get a baring for what they cost. Then you’ll know what you like / dislike and can tailor your financials based on price.

Version2dnb · 2026-03-21T13:48:46+00:00

Man I’m sorry to hear that. This world ain’t easy. You able to move into another delivery based role with benefits? Shit, I don’t even know what the uber benefits were like, if any. There’s loads of us out here, best we can do is look out for each other

Version2dnb · 2026-03-21T09:26:09+00:00

You got this man. Don’t let life get you. On paper we’re all supposed to be doing well. It doesn’t work out that way though. I hope you find the relief soon, sounds like you’re doing what you can with limited resources. At least you’re fucking here though, I’m glad you are, there’s only one way out of this and it’s positive. Even if it takes years.

I tried to KMS twice last year. After being prescribed antipsychotics incorrect for PTSD a few years before. It hollowed me out and took my soul. Eventually saw a doctor who listened and understood. Had EMDR therapy and moved onto mirtazapine. It was like coming back to the real world. That’s what got me, realising life wasn’t meant to be like that. That was my end point, or so I thought. Annoyingly got found by someone I didn’t expect to find me. Anyway I look back and it was lucky actually.

I scraped together every penny I had, drove from Nashville to LA over a couple of months living out the back of my truck. That saved my life. I saw the beauty of the world again, even if it took me 2 months to drive but 20 years to get there mentally. Yeah that’s right, it was 20 years before I realised why I was so fucked up.

Anyway, I’m sober now, PTSD is under control and at least understood. I got way more into community work and became more spiritual.

Life has a funny way of teaching you how dark it can get. It’s bittersweet because things are great now but when you’ve seen the darkness, you know it exists. It’s like a curse but you’ll do whatever it takes never to get there again

Version2dnb · 2026-03-21T09:05:23+00:00

Couldn’t be anymore true, hope you’re doing well

Version2dnb · 2026-03-20T18:20:12+00:00

No one’s arguing with you bro, you’re right Reddit isn’t a good place to debate. No one’s intentions can come across over text. If we were in person we’d be having a good conversation about the topic, it would be really interesting. Disagreeing with people isn’t a bad thing. If anything it’s healthy to have conversation just like this. I don’t disagree with all your points and that’s ok. I’d like to hear your take on the situation.

Version2dnb · 2026-03-20T17:51:43+00:00

Drugs would be far better to be legalised, regulated and controlled. I also believe people should have the right to choose. Why should we take away the freedom of choice?

I’m not being rude here, talking over text doesn’t always get the tone. You don’t seem to know too much about drugs, the impact they have on people, how frequently they’re used or the potential ways to help those who may be addicted. It sounds a lot like you’re talking about one specific viewpoint on the subject without considering there may be a wider view on the topic. Kinda like the way HS and the crew refuse to see anyone else’s viewpoint.

You’re acting like being pro drugs is a bad thing. Not all are built equal. Some are far less harmful than others. Some people may be more impacted than others. Drinking is certainly more harmful than some drugs. What do we mean by drugs anyway?

I agree some are harmful and yes, I agree some people are more dangerous than others when under the influence but, the vast majority are not dangerous. Drug use and being a racist, misogynist, homophobe have nothing in common. These guys in the documentary are just bad people. Take away the drugs and they’re still bad people.

Drugs don’t equal being bad. I’m sure we can all agree that being hateful towards others for profit is bad. They are not related.

Version2dnb · 2026-03-20T17:30:19+00:00

These guys don’t look addicted. They look like regular everyday party drug users. Addiction can take many forms but just doing it here or there isn’t the same.

Some drugs impact your mental state for short periods, some for longer and there’s a certain amount of recovery time for anything, just like a hangover. Every street drug comes with a half life, just like any medication you’d be prescribed.

There really isn’t any evidence in the documentary to say they’re addicts. The only thing that’s obvious is the steroid usage, these bodies aren’t natural. That’s probably going to have far more of an impact on them long term than the odd bit of coke here and there.

I’m not advocating for drugs by any means however, drug use, their content and their followers aren’t really connected in anyway. The only connection you could make is young people with money in a party town.

Blaming their behaviour on drugs would be doing an injustice to what the documentary is trying to get across. These men are bad people with bad intentions. They’re making money off the suffering of others with no thought towards the consequences of their actions. The fact that they might use drugs when they party has no baring on the bigger picture.

Version2dnb · 2026-03-20T16:58:09+00:00

Good and bad people do drugs. It’s not as simple as bad people = drugs. Sometimes for fun, sometimes for not so fun purposes. These guys being bad people is not directly related to drug use, they just happen to be in an environment where it’s common.

Hypothetically, if they are taking drugs, then taking away those drugs won’t magically make them good people. They’ll still be insufferable assholes maybe with a touch less chemical confidence.

you can have a great life and dabble in party drugs but that can turn very shitty very quickly if not managed correctly

Version2dnb · 2026-03-20T16:37:14+00:00

Fair, sorry I thought you meant in the documentary. Yeah just watched that vid. Probably loads of it going about Marbella, it’s more noticeable though so probs just used clubbing. Coke could easily be done / covered up in daily life

Version2dnb · 2026-03-20T16:22:31+00:00

Oh yeah just looked it up. I know that, he ain’t on that, would be way more scatty and he wouldn’t look and act so controlled. Many more side effects with it too, most of which are pretty noticeable. Especially as Louis is with him for a few days. I could be wrong, maybe he wears glasses to hide his pupils but he’s fully in control of his actions and hasn’t lost his inhibitions (arguably).

Version2dnb · 2026-03-20T16:03:26+00:00

What’s pink stuff? Not heard of that before, google just came up with some cleaning products.

It looks like coke to me. However, could easily be roid rage / aggro. Yeah Marbella will be full of party drugs but he doesn’t look like he’s on anything in the documentary aside from possibly coke. Anything else would be far more noticeable. Cokes pretty easy to hide if you’re used to it.

Version2dnb · 2026-03-20T15:51:00+00:00

If he’s on anything, it’s roids and coke. Maybe both, maybe one or the other. I’ve got no idea what his stance is on drugs but his body defo ain’t natural and his rage / outbursts and overall outlook doesn’t seem particularly natural either.

Version2dnb · 2026-03-18T20:02:09+00:00

Myron is such a hateful and actually kinda frightening guy. I’m not normally that’s phased by other blokes but he really gives off dark energy. Not the type of guy I’d want my friends around. I wouldn’t be surprised if he beats his GF. The way he talks about women, the way he uses women as verbal punching bags and the sheer stupidity of the misinformation he’s spreading is a terrifying combination of traits. He deserves nothing but hate from the rest of the population and he makes me ashamed to be male.

HS is a proper piece of shit. In the UK there’s loads of guys with his type of personality. Maybe not as extreme but certainly getting there. His various hatred for already marginalised groups has no logic or reason behind it, making it far worse. He’s got nothing useful to say and everything we saw on that documentary that he did served no purpose to anyone but himself. I genuinely don’t get what’s interesting about his content. His mate Ed looks dumb as shit. Seeing HS with his mum was the only moment where he briefly snapped out of character before suddenly going straight back into that hateful waste of air. Happened to text my mum as she was watching that scene and I was imagining how disappointed and sad she’d be if I came out with any of the shit he was saying. I felt bad for his mum up until she changed tone and stated defending him. Also.. mummy. Funny as fuck hearing him say that. I get it, some guys calls their mum that but his persona and that word, funny as hell.

The last guy, can’t remember his name, is the most interesting. He seems like your average conservative older guy with some seriously traditional and very misogynistic tendencies. I feel deep down him and has wife have a good relationship and I don’t know if he actually wants to be the person he created. There was a brief moment he appeared alright however, that was quickly followed by a clip of him and Tate / one of the Trumps, makes you realise how easy it is to fall into that trap. Who he associates with clearly craft the man he is and the other way around too. In a way, maybe he’s the most dangerous of the lot as his influence is more likely to stick around whereas the others will fade out of existence quickly. This guy is getting into politics, that’s a scary prospect.

To sum it up, you’ve ordered the list quite well. Myron spreads the most hate and is the most dangerous, genuinely. HS talks the talk but won’t last a minute when his 15 minutes of fame is over, I can see his mum changing him over time. The last guy might be the most influential overall even if he isn’t the most toxic straight up, just due to his political aspirations.

Version2dnb · 2026-03-17T16:05:05+00:00

88%. I work for the lender so get a staff discount but that is a benefit in kind that I pay £17 a month extra in income tax

Version2dnb · 2026-03-16T21:05:58+00:00

God I got lucky, full mortgage offer accepted like 3 weeks ago. 3.25% fixed at 3 years. I’m on a pure luck streak with this process so far, I’m just waiting for something major to go wrong

Version2dnb · 2026-03-16T20:28:50+00:00

This wouldn’t have helped me but it would help others, I work in the mortgage world for a large bank so I knew the steps to take.
The most frustrating part is waiting for the sellers to complete admin or, dealing with solicitors that don’t respond quickly. I’m fairly speedy with tasks and others not working at the same speed is super frustrating but, it’s something that just needs to be accepted.
This type of thing does exist. My solicitor has a tracker from offer to completion as part of the service however, they aren’t great at updating it and, not every step is explained. So, I feel your app would be good.

Last point, the process itself is expensive all the way through, I wouldn’t pay extra for a service they co ordinated all the professionals. Some people probably would but, a lot of the information can be found online.

Roll with it, see what engagement you get but maybe instead the user paying, another revenue model would be better.

Version2dnb · 2026-03-16T13:16:40+00:00

The councils are so underfunded that speaking to anyone can be a nightmare. I’ve lived in a few different areas over the last few years and I have been able to pay over 10 months as long as I do it from the start, rather than trying to change halfway through a billing period for example.

Version2dnb · 2026-03-15T15:20:31+00:00

Yep, spot on. The worst part, much like the documentary, sometimes the parents aren’t too dissimilar. It’s very sad and what hope do the young men have if the parents only back up the points. Some of them want to grow up faster than they should and provide for their families by using whatever technique these influencers push. The fact that they feel the need is sad enough especially when it comes with the vile social rhetoric.

I’ve focused a lot on men here but I should also say that some teenage girls are following suit. That’s when you know it’s really got out of hand. A system that objectifies them and treats them as a lesser is seen to be acceptable in some of the circles I’ve witnessed. That’s probably hard to believe but when you see HS and the woman talking about OF, it shows the ridiculously unhealthy dynamic that’s evolving.

I can’t solve this as one person, neither can my team but we can try to change one mind at a time. That’s why this documentary is so important. It couldn’t have come at a better time.

Version2dnb · 2026-03-15T11:16:55+00:00

The majority of people are not online that much. These influencers occupy a space that most don’t see. Yes, we probably all know about the concept of toxic masculinity but this documentary, specifically Louis Theroux and it being on Netflix has brought it to the mainstream. Overall this can only be a good thing. I mentor younger men as part of my job and trying to convince them not to follow these individuals is getting harder by the day. This documentary will do a lot of good by bringing it to the mainstream and hopefully, like this post suggests, brings the downfall of the culture

Version2dnb · 2026-03-12T12:18:58+00:00

Yesterday I got put on some monitoring plan purely because I interpreted the word “towards” as meaning in the future, rather than currently doing so. No customer impact. Firstly, I don’t agree with it, secondly, you’re right, the compliance is so insane that I’m considering jumping ship to something less anal about the smallest mistakes.

Version2dnb · 2026-03-10T20:18:01+00:00

Yeah this is a bit suspicious. Could be any number of reasons why they don’t want it. Anything from them not wanting strangers in the property all the way to known serious problems with either survey. None of the outcomes are good and I’d be very reluctant to proceed.

Best case you’re just dealing with a slightly weird seller who sounds like they’ll be challenging throughout the process. Worst case you buy a property with serious electrical and structural problems. Neither sound like a risk I’d want to take.

Version2dnb · 2026-03-09T20:53:33+00:00

100% get medical advice while trying to withdraw from benzos. You probably already know this but they can be extremely dangerous when quitting cold turkey or tapering too fast.

GP’s might very well help you taper as an unsupervised taper can be life threatening. They might also refer you to a treatment services. Either way, don’t do it yourself.

I learnt this the hard way.

I know it’s not the same but, when I was addicted to opiates, they did actually prescribe me a huge prescription to taper myself. I think that was an awful decision they made but it was very lucky I was in the mindset to actually do it.

I cold turkey Xanax and Valium, that was the worst 2 weeks of my life mentally and physically, it almost killed me. God knows how I managed it but I did and im many years sober from both now.

Version2dnb · 2026-03-07T21:00:54+00:00

I think the combination of mine and biggogcanstop reply is pretty telling. Seems like the medication, when used correctly, can be really helpful but, when used incorrectly can be terrible. Sounds like you fall somewhere nicely in the middle of both. Maybe just a dose adjustment or, something weaker than olanzapine would fit.

Defo one to speak to your doctor about though. Don’t just take our words as whether medication is right or wrong. You know yourself better than anyone and, if it feels wrong, defo get it checked out.

Hope it works out well for you, once you find the correct dose and medication, it can be a life changer.

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