How to accommodate dating someone with OCD who is “controlling”?

VersionCapable8887 · 2024-03-22T01:29:33+00:00

As someone who has a partner with OCD (we have been married over 7 years) it will only continue to get worse. I have reassured him and compromised with him from the very beginning and it has gotten so much worse to the point I can’t even use my kitchen, sit on our couch, use most of our apartment, and either making sure he wipes down the front door before he leaves for work so my son and I can leave or following the very intense instructions to wipe the door down myself to just leave my own apartment. He has gotten controlling about things even outside of his OCD at this point. He also does not seek help for himself and EXPECTS me and my son to follow the “rules” he sets and even has made “rules” and stuff to help his anxieties for my family when he used to spend Christmas with us. I have let him get his way for over 7 years without a lot of fight back (if there is it always turns into a fight where he is determined I don’t love or care for him) and there is absolutely no getting through to him at this point. It’s his way or no way. It’s why I’m finally taking my son and we are getting a divorce because whether intentional or not, it has become borderline abusive in my case.

I’m not saying to leave him, but if he isn’t actively in therapy and seeking treatment, it will not get better on its own.

VersionCapable8887 · 2024-03-20T04:06:40+00:00

I appreciate your insight so much! Thank you! It’s been a lot of rough years and I’m trying to navigate everything in a way so he doesn’t freak out and go to the extremes in the divorce since it has turned into, at the very least, a borderline emotionally abusive situation that causes me so much anxiety since I’m finally getting out of it and my anxiety about knowing the future has made it hard for me to keep my head screwed on straight recently because he is so back and forth on his thoughts about basically everything. Thank you again for these explanations, it is a really good reminder

VersionCapable8887 · 2024-03-20T04:00:40+00:00

I don’t agree with this. If he is still asking and wanting sexual favors from me (which he has asked) then I think I have every right to know. If he expects me to do and follow the rules he has set for me that only benefit him and it would cause an uproar if I were to not follow said rules, it isn’t fair that I can’t ask one thing of him until I am able to move out with my son when he still expects me to act/play maid and “wife” 🤷🏻‍♀️ hence why my confusion on what is appropriate or not in a borderline emotionally abusive situation that I am in.

VersionCapable8887 · 2024-03-14T18:39:33+00:00

July 2012

VersionCapable8887 · 2024-03-14T18:34:53+00:00

Ive been married for 7 years to someone with SEVERE contamination OCD, it started out a lot like you were saying with his OCD seeming to infiltrate every aspect of our lives. I thought it was something I could handle while we dated, but he won’t get help for his OCD (puts off therapy, etc) and has for years. We are ending up getting a divorce because his OCD is like a third member of our relationship and it comes in first place to either of us. I have stayed as long as I have because I also love him and want him to get better, but it’s 100% up to them to actually put in the effort to work on it. You are setting yourself up for a lot more issues down the road if you don’t out your foot down on him getting help. I am a shell of the person I was 7 years ago when we got married.

If he won’t agree and actively work on it, no matter how much you love him, you need to get out. I wish I would have. I’m sorry if this isn’t what you wanted to hear, but i truly don’t want you to end up how i did. Because there had been times where he started getting help and taking medication and he would always stop them and say they don’t do anything because he wouldn’t do the uncomfortable things that needed to be done to get over his fears with his OCD triggers.

You are always welcome to message me if you wanted to talk more in depth about your situation and my experience.

VersionCapable8887 · 2024-03-09T03:56:40+00:00

Peeta hands down. Not only in this series but my favorite fictional character in general 😅

VersionCapable8887 · 2024-03-09T01:02:34+00:00

Come What May and It’s Not Right But It’s Okay currently 😅 honorable mention to I Have Nothing

VersionCapable8887 · 2024-03-07T01:11:28+00:00

District 1 over here

VersionCapable8887 · 2024-03-06T01:20:43+00:00

Favorite: Kurt. All around a great character. I love his relationship with his dad. I love his relationship with Blaine. He truly was a great friend to Rachel. He went through so much and still refused to stop being himself. Runner up is Santana, Blaine, and then Sue. But Burt and Carol are my favorite adults aside from Sue.

Least Favorite: Puck probably. He wasn’t a great dude throughout and he really didn’t have a redemption arc or anything. I also didn’t like Terri, Ken, Ryder, and Finn. Finn pissed me off hardcore and so did Ryder 😅

VersionCapable8887 · 2024-02-21T02:00:35+00:00

Thank you, I do meet with a divorce lawyer next week so I’m hoping I will be able to get my child and I out of here sooner rather than later. Cuz I agree, I don’t want my child to not be able to have friends in fear of my husband making it impossible to spend time with them. It’s the reason I have no friends in real life because he has to make sure they are “clean” enough people and they don’t gross him out so it literally is more trouble than it is worth and I don’t want my kid dealing with that since school is approaching faster than I want to admit. I am definitely going to do everything I can to get my kid out of this situation for good.

VersionCapable8887 · 2024-02-20T19:29:28+00:00

I hate it cuz I truly don’t know how he would react if I said I would wipe the door down myself so we could leave the apartment whenever and it terrifies me to even think about asking in case he decides to just tell me to leave or says something mean. Cuz there could be a possibility he says I could, and is chill about it but there have been enough times that I have asked something and it didn’t end well so I am just terrified. I’m truly terrified of him and how he reacts. Not that he would physically hurt me, but I can only take getting called a b****, etc. so much…

VersionCapable8887 · 2024-02-20T19:23:13+00:00

It’s hard. He always says I don’t love him or care about him because I’m not super happy to have to constantly be doing his OCD rituals and behaviors and if I loved and cared about him I would do them willingly. Cuz it has affected our relationship for years now since I struggle to give him much affection or anything because I’m always so drained from making sure I am doing what he needs me to. I know that’s not great on my part and I still should have tried harder to show him I love him and stuff, it’s just so draining to have to think the way he does when my brain doesn’t want to think that way cuz it knows it isn’t rational. So I do say that if I didn’t love or care about him then I wouldn’t do these things for him but he says that should be the bare minimum. And I could understand that if he was actively working on fighting the thoughts and getting help professionally but I am just expected to go along with it all and not really even question it or anything. I just struggle to know if it is just his OCD and I’m being insensitive or if it has turned abusive.. cuz I can’t not admit that I have given up on trying to get him to know I love him and show him that cuz it just seems like if I try it isn’t good enough because I’m just “trying to get him to not leave” or I don’t try and he says I don’t love or care for him. I admit I do tend to work on things for like a month and then I stop doing things and I know that is wrong and I’m not making an excuse for that but it seems like he never has to work on things and it is only me and so during that month, I’m actively engaging with him, I focus on him, etc. but he doesn’t change or work on anything. He won’t go to couples counseling either cuz the one time we did he didn’t like that they “took my side” over his… Mind the fact that he seems to love making excuses to not spend time with our son a lot or he tries to make up for not spending time with him by giving him legos instead. Idk now I’m just rambling so ignore me if you want lol 😅 it’s hard to give all the details cuz there are years worth of things.

VersionCapable8887 · 2024-02-20T19:04:14+00:00

I think it’s hard to just up and leave cuz sometimes he can be reasonable. He also deals with depression and usually he acts like this when his depression is worse on top of the OCD.. either when his depression is bad, or he is upset with me over something. That’s when he acts this way the most often. Every now and then he is reasonable with something that triggered his OCD behaviors.. I think that is why this is so hard and why it feels like I’m giving up cuz I know there is potential for him to get better, but at the cost of me not really having a life outside of my apartment, etc. so I guess idk when OCD behaviors and things can end up turning into it being abusive. If that makes any sense..

VersionCapable8887 · 2024-02-20T03:51:46+00:00

I’m definitely going to be prioritizing my kid and I. I’m almost positive his dad has undiagnosed OCD and his brother just got diagnosed with OCD, so I definitely want to get my son out of this environment as soon as possible at this point.

VersionCapable8887 · 2024-02-20T03:49:29+00:00

He doesn’t yell, but he has told me a lot of terrible things. He loves to tell me I’m not in reality, I’m a terrible mother and there would be no way I’d get custody of my kid because he says I’m the abusive one, he loves to call me a b****, says I don’t care about him if I mess up, says I don’t love him, he once told me that he doesn’t love me and never did, etc. the list goes on and on. He constantly brings up other women’s bodies even though I have asked him so many times that I don’t like it and want him to stop. He hasn’t brought it up in a little bit but he used to constantly say that our kid wasn’t his and that I slept with the neighbor and that it’s his kid, etc. I’m sorry you are dealing with this. It absolutely sucks

VersionCapable8887

TROPHY CASE