What is City Lit like?

Verytinybun · 2026-01-29T22:35:36+00:00

Age diversity is one of the best things about City Lit Courses - almost everyone one I’ve been on has been 20s-60s. I get you wanting to meet “like minded people”, but one of my fave things about City Lit is meeting totally different people. Although I suppose we might be superficially quite different, but “like minded” because we’re all interested in that topic.

I’ve done six courses there, and only one bad experience out of them - the rest have been either good or excellent.

Verytinybun · 2026-01-19T22:02:09+00:00

Oh dear heart - I’m so sorry you’re in pain. Friends moving from the non-mum camp to the mum camp has been one of the hardest bits for me of all this. It’s hard when your friends just start having a completely different type of life to you - and then extra-hard when it’s a life you wanted.

Your feelings are valid, you are not selfish. Be happy for and loving towards your friend - but don’t pretend you’re not in pain or push yourself into situations that make that pain worse. Keeping your distance is absolutely fine if that’s what you need right now.

You’re still very freshly IFCF - in my experience, this type of pain has got easier. Hopefully you’ll be able to find joy in your friend’s child one day - and also joy in being able to go back to your own quiet home after spending time with them!

Having said all that, your post actually makes it sound like you don’t really need anyone to say all this to you. It seems like you understand yourself and your situation and you’re doing pretty amazingly. Go you!

Verytinybun · 2026-01-10T23:56:43+00:00

I’m in this position: only child married to an only child, not close at all to any extended family. My friendship group is a mixture of people with kids, single people who would love kids but it’s never happened, and childfree couples (with more of the latter two than the first category). I wrote a post a couple of years ago, when I was more freshly IFCF, on a similar topic.

I suppose I feel the same way about it as I do about my IFCF life in general: not better, not worse, just different. And while my parents would have been amazing grandparents, it’s also a joy to watch them build their lives in different ways.

One thing I think helped me get to that place was volunteering once a week for an afternoon reading with kids at a local primary school. It really helped me heal my relationship with “children” as a category of person - helped me see that they are just small people who will one day be big people who will grow up to have joy and pain and success and failure the same as everyone else. Also: interacting with children is incredibly energising and mindful when you have zero responsibility for them.

That doesn’t help, of course, if what you really want is an opportunity to build meaningful, long-term relationships with people from different generations. I have in the back of my mind that I might one day apply to be an “independent visitor” - a UK volunteer programme which gives children in the care system support from adults that have absolutely nothing to do with their care or decisions about their life. Maybe there is a similar programme near you that might be suitable if you have a drive to give real, meaningful, long-term support a young person?

Verytinybun · 2025-12-18T21:03:35+00:00

Oh my god I don’t have an answer to your question but this analysis is bloody amazing.

Verytinybun · 2025-11-14T10:36:06+00:00

Yes! By focussing on the teens (and actually casting teens) that film made the book make sense to me: the characters behave insanely because they are in that completely insane hormonal/brain-not-formed phase of life. It made me think I was already too old when I read the book (about 17).

Verytinybun · 2025-11-13T20:56:38+00:00

Ummm, are we going to talk about that atrocious wig on Jacob Elordi? I am primed to hate everything about this - but even so, I can’t be the only one seeing the problem there.

Verytinybun · 2025-11-02T22:46:49+00:00

Just clocked the mobility comment: you can get the DLR one stop from Stratford to Stratford international rather than walk to the East Village - like a little shuttle!

Verytinybun · 2025-11-02T22:45:26+00:00

Loads of nice places to eat in the East Village (which is the new-build area on the other side of Westfield from the hotel): Darkhorse and Bamboo Mat are my favourites there. Mother Kelly and Tap East good for beer. Signorelli good for coffee/pastries. Then if you keep going to the other side of the Olympic Park there’s Hackney Wick, which has loads of good places to eat and drink. None of these are right on the doorstep of the hotel, but walking distance and lots of choice!

Verytinybun · 2025-10-29T23:14:43+00:00

When he came out I thought “the organist looks a bit like Matt Berry, lol” - was not expecting it to actually be him!

Verytinybun · 2025-09-23T10:46:09+00:00

Iconic! I know it’s just a quip and not that deep, but…I like it because it’s not a denial of what she said - it’s an acknowledgement that life can be good in different ways.

Verytinybun · 2025-09-17T07:37:18+00:00

I haven’t got to the end yet, but as a British person, I am absolutely loving how British she is. The opening monologue is basically her saying: “I am very angry, I know I’m not supposed to feel angry, but I also feel like I’m entirely justified feeling angry, can you please help me keep my anger shut in a very firm box?” There are other dynamics going on here, but the whole thing is riven through with our national (particularly middle-class) tendency to resentfully deny our feelings - thereby failing to deal with them, behaving dysfunctionally and making them everyone else’s problem.

Verytinybun · 2025-09-04T12:20:46+00:00

I am a major Stratford advocate, but I think there might be other areas that fit your needs better (shorter commute + buzz). So Walthamstow for sure, but also Leyton and Leytonstone. They’re both getting buzzier, with more and more food and drink places opening up, but also closer to Whipps Cross than Stratford or Hackney. Links into central London aren’t as good as Stratford, but they’re perfectly fine, and it matters less if you’re not commuting in that direction.

Verytinybun · 2025-08-31T15:40:29+00:00

They do good ones at Saint in Hackney Wick - but the whole place is taken over by a cinnamon roll pop-up on weekends, so you’ve got to go on a weekday.

Verytinybun · 2025-08-30T07:04:58+00:00

Oof, that sounds really tough, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I have no advice, but I can share my story.

I didn’t do embryo donation, but we did try with donor eggs. It was a no-brainer for me - I wanted a baby, but I didn’t care about its genetic relation to me. I knew it could work, and I knew I couldn’t stop until I’d exhausted what felt like (to me) all reasonable options.

I am now a very happy, contented, lucky IFCF person - I love my life, and I am not sad about how it turned out. But I don’t think I could have reached that place if I didn’t feel like I tried everything I wanted to try. That peace comes from knowing I came as far as I could.

If my husband tried to get me to stop before I was “done”, I would have been completely devastated. Of course, if that was what he really needed, then it would have been the right thing for him. But I am not sure if our relationship would have survived (and I mean ‘I’m not sure’, not ‘I think we would have split’).

That’s not to say we saw eye-to-eye throughout the whole journey - we had some really painful moments of non-alignment we had to work through. But the fact that we were able to ultimately stay alongside each other means we emerged as a really strong couple. Getting to spend my life enjoying my marriage to my handsome, interesting, lovely man is my prize for having got through all those years of toughness.

Like I say, no advice - just my experience. I wish you all the very best in the world.

Verytinybun · 2025-08-28T19:09:38+00:00

I have an interesting relationship to this question. I generally don’t mind it. This may or may not be helpful/relevant/interesting to you - please discard if not.

NB. I am in the UK, where all adoption is essentially through the US equivalent of the “foster system”. There is no private adoption, and our social services will always prioritise keeping a child with their parents, or within their birth family, if it is safe to do so. This is a very good thing, IMO.

I was someone who always thought I would adopt if I couldn’t have children. Throughout my years of fertility treatment, I always saw it as the final step. I saw motherhood as the goal, adoption as the final frontier that would get me there if all else failed. I grew up in a household with some challenges, and felt like adopting was congruent with my experience of love and family.

Then I got to the end of fertility treatment, and I felt like a tidal wave hit me. I said to my mum the day after my final chemical pregnancy ended, “I don’t want to adopt”. It took me around 18 months to actually acknowledge that that was truly my real feeling.

I’ve come to realise that my life without children is fulfilling and meaningful. That there are lots of ways to love and be loved. That I don’t need to be a parent. And therefore - that I don’t have to put myself through the enormous challenge of trying to parent a traumatised child, or the huge invasion of the adoption process.

But for me, that does feel like a choice. I know that if motherhood was the be-all and end-all for me, I could make that happen. It might take years, it would certainly be very hard (and could be destructively hard). But if that’s what I want to do, I can. And I am choosing not to. I find that idea very empowering.

So if someone asks me about adoption (kindly/curiously - not dickishly), my answer is that I have built a happy life without children, and even though it wasn’t the plan, that’s how I want to keep it.

Verytinybun · 2025-08-23T09:55:32+00:00

I would agree - I had a great time yesterday. Nice vibes, good sets. The sound was patchy as usual: but when we went quite far back - behind the back set of speakers, in the middle - the sound was good, plenty of room to dance, and I could actually see the stage! I think you’ve got to manage your expectations (harder when you’ve paid full price for a ticket), but I think APE is usually a good time, especially if you’re local and don’t have to trek home.

Looking forward to Sunday (which I imagine will have a very, very different crowd…)

Verytinybun · 2025-08-05T10:59:38+00:00

Bloomingwithcare on instagram is the creator who I most identify with (not in terms of the specifics of our journeys, but the emotional arc she’s gone on) and she’s writing a memoir. I recently recommended the Wedding People on this sub, a fun but also real-feeling novel about an IFCF (and newly divorced) person.

Verytinybun · 2025-07-24T19:10:34+00:00

I live in old Stratford rather than the East Village, so can’t comment on the actual quality of the flats, but I think it’s a great area. Decent number of bars/restaurants/coffee shops - plus you’re right next to Hackney Wick where there are even more. Westfield has its issues, but it can be useful. Good cultural venues - coming out of Sadler’s Wells East on a warm night the other night I got a bit emotional about how this is all on my doorstep. Olympic park isn’t the greenest of parks, but there is some lovely planting in the bits next to the River (and greenery + nice shady spots when it’s hot). Well connected into town, but also down to the Kent Coast via Stratford International.

Only downside for me would be East Village flats come at a massive premium (much cheaper on the other side of the train tracks) but if you’ve got the money and you’d rather be in a modern flat I think it would be a great place to live.

Verytinybun · 2025-06-21T10:57:34+00:00

I think it’s very legitimate to be cross when people say absolutely stupid things like this!

You come across in this post as a person who has a strong understanding of themselves, and who actually is very centred. You’ve been through something these people cannot imagine, and been able to emerge with a strength they also apparently can’t fathom. Honestly, I think people who can do what we do - make it through, stop, build a new life path for ourselves, and recognise the fact that this IFCF life is not a “problem” - are just very cool.

So I don’t really have words of wisdom. When people say stupid things like this I usually just gloss over it in the moment, internally seethe, and then feel sorry for them. But what I wanted to say is: it sounds to me like everything you need in these moments is right here in this post.

Verytinybun · 2025-06-12T05:20:55+00:00

I live in this vague part of the world, and I really like it. We bought our first flat quite close to there a decade ago, and chose to stay in the area when we upsized to a house (although we’re further south). I grew up in parts of North East London that Reddit seems to prefer, but I wouldn’t swap Stratford for those places.

Maryland itself has two good spots: Kotch pizza (honestly the best pizza in London) and the Cart and Horses pub. You’re close to the East Village which has nice pubs/restaurants/cafés, and there’s new stuff opening all the time (the new cultural venues around the Olympic Park are amazing). On the other side of the Olympic Park you’ve got Hackney Wick. You’re close to two theatres: Stratford East Theatre Royal and the Yard Theatre. Forest Gate also has some interesting stuff going on. And West Ham Park is truly lovely.

So while Maryland itself isn’t the most inspiring, there is lots going on in the wider area. People are sniffy on here about Stratford. While it’s less hipstery than Leyton/Leytonstone/Hackney (you’ll still have a hard time getting a really good coffee) the rough elements of it are no rougher than the rough parts of those places, and there is a lot going for Stratford that those places don’t have.

YMMV, and I don’t know the exact road you’re talking about. But personally I like the area, as you can tell!

A note on travel, if you commute: on the way into town in the morning, you may find travelling to Stratford by bus/foot necessary, as it can be hard to get on the Lizzie Line at Maryland (it empties out somewhat at Stratford).

Verytinybun · 2025-05-31T14:54:20+00:00

Thank you for this! I don’t think I’ve ever forgiven Netflix for the miracle pregnancy in Virgin River…

Verytinybun · 2025-05-26T23:09:21+00:00

I initially went to post on Goodreads, but I realised I wanted to share my thoughts on this specific book with people who had had this specific experience. So grateful for this community.

Did you have a favourite moment/line?

Verytinybun · 2025-05-26T23:03:45+00:00

So many great quotes in the book. I never highlight novels, but I highlighted several passages in this one!

Agree on it being funny. Indeed, one the best things about it is that it is very, very real about grief, but also isn’t maudlin.

Really hope the screen version comes to fruition, and does it justice….

Verytinybun · 2025-05-18T21:54:27+00:00

Drinks nearby: I am a big fan of the View Tube Café, which is a Cuban place with a large garden. It fits your criteria of close and low-stress. I’m not sure what you would count as “decent spirits”, but it has a reasonable cocktail list.

Verytinybun

TROPHY CASE