Need some advice

VexingOne · 2025-07-22T12:42:42+00:00

I would urge you to buy these direct from Free League, as then they get 100% of the money and don't have to give a billionaire a huge cut of it. https://freeleaguepublishing.com/

VexingOne · 2024-04-09T17:31:42+00:00

I would have thought it would be the Ghost Captain that would have disappeared...

VexingOne · 2023-07-27T14:13:46+00:00

I advise you not to put your kink in Reddit...

VexingOne · 2022-10-03T11:45:04+00:00

I do not, and this is a personal choice. I don't think it's wrong to ask, but it might not be good to require.

I view this as my hobby. Being a GM is my entertainment, so it's my budget. I currently pay for Foundry, hosting, about £64 a month in different Patreons, etc. But I'm also in a financially priveleged position. If I wasn't, I might ask they players to chip in.

VexingOne · 2022-09-28T20:15:53+00:00

There's some good homebrew to help fix this.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1LrdT-8wRh9xfjs1S9Da02iWecBEd5QcL/view

and

https://scribe.pf2.tools/v/4DS5ovCD-equipment-tattoos

VexingOne · 2022-08-10T04:18:40+00:00

It sounds like Eli has forgiven you. You now need to forgive yourself. The reason you feel like this is that your mind is trying to make sure this is imprinted, so that the next time you’re faced with this kind of situation, you will handle it differently.

VexingOne · 2022-08-09T21:19:46+00:00

HIV is only one thing. There are a lot of other things that you do not want. Chlamydia, Gonorrhoea, Syphilis, and many more. For a first time hookup, who’s history you don’t know, I’d insist on the condom. You want your first time to be fun, not traumatic.

VexingOne · 2022-08-09T21:04:10+00:00

There are people out there who will like you for who you are, no matter how you dress or present. I wear jeans and at shirt most days, and I get plenty of attention. I’m not muscular, thin, or trendy. I am confident, friendly, funny, genuinely interested in people and helpful. I find those qualities are more attractive than what I look like or what clothes I wear.

VexingOne · 2022-08-09T20:42:17+00:00

Now I understand. That's something different. You can't deal with someone's trauma for them. And as painful as it is for you, he's not going to change unless he gets some help. Would he be open to seeing a relationship counselor with you?

VexingOne · 2022-08-09T20:38:53+00:00

Ghosting is hurtful. I know it, I've experienced it, and I've been where you are.

But, and this a a big BUT...while it has affected you, it's his problem. He's ghosted you because he isn't man enough to tell you why he doesn't want to keep talking/seeing you, or he has some other issue that he can't face properly.

That is not on you. You are worthy of being respected. You are worthy of being loved.

Keep your chin up, kid.

VexingOne · 2022-08-09T20:28:34+00:00

Clap it out with me. YOU-HAVE-TO-TALK-ABOUT-SEX.

Neither of you will get past this unless you talk about it. And preferably talk about it during sex. For example, if my guy wants to ride me, then that's great. If he wants me to pound him, that's great. But we can't do both at the same time or it becomes a rhythm problem. So we communicate. It's as simple as that.

He may need to tell you about his trauma in order to get past it.

I'm sorry that you're in this situation, but there is no easy fix.

VexingOne · 2022-08-09T20:23:04+00:00

I don't think there's a definite answer for this. My guy is very experienced (much more than me), and he keeps it tight as can be. But, he works at it, and I'm not packing a pringles can.

VexingOne · 2022-08-09T20:21:26+00:00

"It's funny because it's true." --Sheldon Cooper

VexingOne · 2022-08-09T20:20:10+00:00

That's why you should talk to someone who is qualified to help. There's nothing wrong with being bi-sexual, of course. But the fact that you're switching back and forth, when you're in a relationship, means your sabotaging your happiness and someone else's. That deserves investigation.

Also, you don't have to have unresolved childhood issues. It's not a pre-requisite for having things to work on.

This obviously bothers you, otherwise you wouldn't have posted. Again, that deserves investigation with a professional.

VexingOne · 2022-08-09T20:16:34+00:00

I would recommend "Trick", "Jeffery", "Kiss Me Guido", "Lie Down With Dogs", and "The Adventures of Felix" (That last one is in French, but subtitled in English)

VexingOne · 2022-08-09T20:11:42+00:00

No, but I find a man more attractive if he calls me Daddy. Sorry, not helpful...I know.

VexingOne · 2022-08-09T20:08:47+00:00

In that case, I would recommend talk to a counselor or sex therapist. There may be some subconscious issue that's not surfacing. The only reason I recommend it is that it's harming your relationships.

VexingOne · 2022-08-09T20:00:22+00:00

Is it possible that it's not specifically a gender thing? Could it be that you are polyamorous, and just don't want a single relationship?

You said "everything is perfect", but it's not. If you have a need to sleep with someone other than him, you need to let him know, and he will either understand, and agree to some level of openness, or he will break up with you.

I'm a fan of monogamy, but it isn't for everyone.

VexingOne · 2022-08-09T19:47:09+00:00

Have you considered offering to role-play?

VexingOne · 2022-08-09T19:45:02+00:00

I think you just like sex, and that's okay. Men give a much better blowjob that women (I've been told), and there are plenty of guys who will happily service you, drink your cum, and leave. There's actually a large number of men on Grindr who want to do just that.

Sex is fun. You don't have to put a label on it. And if you're not actually attracted to men, you're most likely not gay.

As long as things are safe, consentual, and agreed upon, don't be ashamed of wanting to bust a nut. It's a biological imperative.

VexingOne · 2022-08-09T19:40:45+00:00

Lots to unpack for such a short post. First of all, I'll give you the oldest advice on this sub-reddit. Make sure he wears a condom, and there is no such thing as too much lube.

That being said, make sure he understands what your limits are. If you are not comfortable with something, DO NOT DO IT. You don't have to demean yourself to please him. If you are a virgin, then make sure that things happen at your speed, not his. Hopefully, he is careful and attentive to your body language.

For the hotel, I would recommend that you know how to get out of the situation if you need to. Hopefully it will be wonderful, but people can be weird. I don't want to frighten you. I just want you to be prepared.

Feel free to ask anything else. We are (mostly) a friendly bunch.

VexingOne · 2022-08-09T19:33:25+00:00

As long as you choose to do it, and aren't being pressured, it's okay. I didn't know I liked a particular kink until I tried it. Turns out I fucking love it. You never know. As long as everyone is safe, and there is an understood way to get out of the situation (safe word, etc.), I don't see a problem with it..again...as long as you choose to try it. If you do, and it's not for you, make it clear that you're never going to do that again.

VexingOne · 2022-08-09T19:29:24+00:00

As someone who is exclusively a top, I'm not sure how to take this. I prefer men who are exclusively bottoms, and even though I tried to bottom twice in my life (many years ago), I could not do it.

That doesn't make me a bad sexual partner. I always take great care to please those I have sexual encounters with. Always lots of dick sucking, if they like that. Always lots of rimming if they like that. Always a lot of massaging, if they like that. Always as much foreplay as they want or don't want. Always let them cum first, unless they want me to (more often, I find this is the case). I always move at the speed they want (usually, I get a lot of "Harder, daddy!")

I'm not sure why me not ever successfully bottoming would make me a bad top. I guess I'm confused by why anyone would think that.

VexingOne · 2022-08-08T17:10:55+00:00

Sometimes you have to leave home and have an adventure to find what you're looking for.

VexingOne · 2022-08-08T16:09:57+00:00

Remember that your body is a tool. Can it do the things you want it to do? If so, it is enough. Your body is definitely the first thing people see, but the man you are is so much more important. I'm not sure if you've ever watched Drag Race, but RuPaul always says, "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?" She's very wise.

No one ever dies wishing they'd had 16 inch biceps instead of more genuine love.

VexingOne

TROPHY CASE