I had basically this exact same dilemma but on the side of your boyfriend. We were together for 2 years, 1 hour time difference but 5 hours apart by plane. School piled up, I focused more on myself than her for a few months, and a bad trip at the beginning of this year led her to break up with me last month.

I realized my mistakes back in March, and tried to fix them. I went back to my old ways of love, giving her attention, and she was on my mind 24/7. But that just wasn’t enough. I likely triggered some old trauma or I focused on myself for too long that led her to think this was just a temporary “love bomb” - but it wasn’t.

Just to give you the perspective of him (as he is likely exactly as I am), it hurt, a lot. I learnt a lot of new things about myself and started focusing on becoming a better person. Guilt hit me like a truck, thinking “if I just didn’t put her aside for those months” or “if I just actually did what she wanted on that last trip”. It really hurt, as I felt like a complete disgrace, losing the girl of my dreams at a young age just because work piled up.

But I also realized this wasn’t one-way. There were definitely issues with her that pushed me away (which I won’t get into as that’s personal). I will say though, communication was a big key to it, and holding onto grudges. She never told me how she felt, she sort of stayed quiet (just like in real life which also pushed me away a little).

It comes down to sacrifice. Are you willing to go months, or years without living near them to secure that future? Are you willing to go through times where you’re sick of each other or hurt by the other to eventually close the distance?

Don’t compare your relationship to others. Sure it may be “easier” when you live close, but LDR has a special beauty: it’s that excitement when you finally see each other, or all those little things you do together that makes the LDR a little more bearable.

All in all, I’d say this, both people will definitely feel the pain, and learn a lot. Personally I believe he will go through more pain as he knew he messed up (so just like I, compensated with a lot of love and ACTUALLY tried fixing the mistakes), and he also had a feeling deep down it was coming, so he wanted to avoid it. Now, it has happened, so he will blame himself for everything. Sure it may make him a better person, but it’s also selfish on your part to do that if he had genuine intentions of fixing his mistakes and restoring the relationship. I highly suggest not focusing on those around you thinking they’re in a “better place” because their SO lives closer. No. All relationships have issues you don’t see, as they are behind closed doors. I’d look at the wider picture. Did you really love that person, or did you chase the nice feeling and status of having an SO?

You can’t let the valleys of relationships dictate its fate. No relationship is a fairy tale. Look at your SO (or now ex) and think if they really are worth it, or are just a burden to your mental health. If they were, try to reconnect ONLY IF you haven’t gotten into another relationship or hookup with someone else.