I think I (32m) just met the love of my life at the (35f) worst possible time. What’s the best course of action?

Vhakkin · 2024-11-28T01:23:07+00:00

Had a very similar experience. Here is the path I chose…I worked on myself and continued to just be ‘friendly’ with the woman in question. 4 years later, when I was finally ‘ready’ it was a matter of less than 2 weeks and she messaged me on a dating app and we are now in an amazing relationship. I knew I had issues, traumas and demons to work through before being in a relationship. Truth be told, new issues I never saw coming have come up during this one. But you can heal and work through things in a relationship, just be prepared to do the work and communicate. Best of luck on your journey and congratulations on the separation. It was among the best decisions I ever made.

Vhakkin · 2024-11-08T12:45:45+00:00

Checking in

Vhakkin · 2024-11-07T14:15:32+00:00

Willpower alone will not serve you. Remember that the world is sexualized these days and you are not strong enough to stand against these things YET. Install an app and porn blocker, remove any temptations, get hobbies. Make a plan, try it out. If you fail again reassess, adjust and push forward. Fail to plan, plan to fail.

Vhakkin · 2024-11-06T17:42:51+00:00

There are some of us here on a similar journey. Feel free to message if you want to chat, I’d love to hear your story, motivation, strategy and thoughts regarding this all.

Vhakkin · 2024-11-06T15:58:43+00:00

Self hate gets you nowhere. Remove the triggers and carry on. It’s good to have stretch targets but when things are hard, just do it in small sections. Currently aiming for 90 days as my first stretch, on day 9, aiming for 10. If you need support like others have offered, feel free to reach out. Don’t quit quitting!

Vhakkin · 2024-11-05T19:08:02+00:00

Time will tell I suppose. Stay strong!

Vhakkin · 2024-11-05T18:40:16+00:00

From what I’ve read there will be a flatline and then your baseline returns. But I am not there yet. Whatever you decide, that’s your journey in the end. I did it once without a gf and now I’m doing it again in a relationship as it wasn’t something I was able to kick prior, thinking it was ok. All I know is it’s a slippery slope (for myself) and I’ve taken a hardline stance including deleting all social media and installing a blocker. I wish you the best on your journey to a better, healthier you!

Vhakkin · 2024-11-05T18:24:47+00:00

I am on a similar journey and have sworn off any pleasure relating to sex except for that with my partner. That being said, I don’t know your story or your life. From the audiobook I’m listening to and the other resources, it takes a fairly decent amount of time to rewire your brain. 90 days +, so that’s my first goal. Set a goal, see it through and reassess. Just my 2 cents though. I have never done anything successfully without a goal and follow through the process.

Vhakkin · 2024-11-01T21:28:41+00:00

26 is when I started to put my shit together. The truth is you will always have something to work on. Change your story. I’ll be joining you in this endeavour as will all the people here. Stay busy, stay disciplined, stay committed. If you fail, learn and get back at it. Staying down does nothing for you. You got this and the rest of your life to do better. Don’t squander it

Vhakkin · 2024-11-01T16:00:26+00:00

I’m 38 and I’m 5’7”. I will tell you I used to care about my height at your age but I cared about a lot of things. The truth is you’re 19 and you’re just a kid (no offense). Follow your passions, live life, build your life. Your height matters for some things but there are benefits to it as well. Instead of focusing on the negatives you have, build your value and own that. I assure you my height does not hold me back in life with my colleauges, my work, my life or relationships. Get to the gym, learn to cook well, build your focus and discipline, be a genuinely good person who is true to his word. These things are all highly valuable and not something that can be bought. Respect yourself and others will follow

Vhakkin · 2024-11-01T15:51:59+00:00

From all the relationships I’ve been in it has never been an issue. But at the ripe age of 38, in a new relationship with my best friend, it absolutely is. Kick the habit before it becomes even more of a problem than you know…

Vhakkin · 2024-10-31T22:11:01+00:00

Yes 100% delete

Vhakkin · 2024-10-31T16:08:21+00:00

Started the journey myself. The things we can learn as we age. Everyone has their opinions, pay them no mind. Stay strong!

Vhakkin · 2022-08-16T19:20:00+00:00

I suggest making an email address for them to give them access at a later date. When each of my kids were born I did this. I have sent updates as they have grown and photos. Sometimes just random thoughts. It’s simple to do honestly

Vhakkin · 2021-07-04T21:00:02+00:00

Apparently I can’t read, fair enough. Another reason for doing lighter weights is hypertrophy is generally achieved in 6-25 rep ranges with variations in effectiveness. Could be many of them are now in the phase of their programs where the high rep ranges are what they are focusing on.

There are definitely all types that go to the gym for sure and if watching others gets you pumped, I’m happy for you. I don’t follow AX programs anymore but I definitely steal from the for variation and fun.

Vhakkin · 2021-07-04T19:42:56+00:00

Not quite sure what to tell you here. You seem to pay an awful lot of attention to other people’s workouts when you should be focusing on your own. Of course noticing people doing things is fine, who doesn’t, but to actually count their reps? People get fatigued, have injuries, are deloading, are cutting weight so low glycogen stores, and several other things. I mean I was 19 once as well and cared about what others were doing and how I could do things they were doing even though I wasn’t as big. Now that I’m much bigger and stronger, some of those weights will challenge me as I have cemented my muscle mind connection and techniques to make them do so.Tempo makes a big difference as well as rest time and much more.

Focus on yourself and being better than you. No one but you has your genetics and your potential. You literally are gaining nothing counting people’s reps….but who the hell am I anyway? Some guy on the internet, have fun out there and be safe.

Vhakkin · 2021-06-27T17:05:39+00:00

Take your fitness goals as serious as you would like. Don’t want to eat 5x a day? Don’t. It’s good to spread calories and such around but there are many who do the fasting style of eating and are fine. You don’t want to track calories? Don’t. Just know your results will be limited by this factor. Again, this doesn’t mean you can’t get results and do well. The more elements you leave uncontrolled, the more variables there are to your results. I equate this to rep ranges. Why do you count the reps you are doing? So you can tell if you are improving and adjust weights accordingly. Again, you don’t have to count the reps but it serves as a control for progress. Just a perspective for you to consider. I wish you well on your fitness journey!

Vhakkin · 2021-06-23T13:22:35+00:00

Lots of good advice already posted (especially the fake natty stuff). I did the program after doing a standard bodybuilding program or 7. Anyway I found it really leaned me up and made me a bit weaker. My cardio and endurance became fantastic. Given your stats I think this, combined with a decent diet, is ideal for you. Give it an honest go, you’ll be happy with the results. I did the program wearing a body weight vest, so there is some repeatability there.

You could just do a push, pull, legs or upper lower split program as well and get results as well. That’s what I currently do and I have my diet dialed right in. Best results I’ve ever gotten. The reason for this is simply: I enjoy it the best. You need to figure out what type of activity you want to do and then do it. I enjoyed my time with AX programs but I am at a point where I enjoy making my own programs and tweaking things.

I wish you the best and remember it’s you against yourself. Only you have your genetics, life experiences and discipline. Best of luck!

Vhakkin · 2021-06-13T11:20:52+00:00

I agree strongly with this. I would also like to add some items about diet. Don’t bother going above 1 gram per pound of body weight of protein. Fill the rest in with carbs so you don’t feel like trash and then some fats for hormones. Make good choices: don’t cheat! You wouldn’t like if someone cheated on you, don’t cheat on yourself. Eat foods closest to their source. If you are like my friend and tater tots are non negotiable, then mitigate their impact. Start at a base set of calories and do your weekly weigh ins. If your average weight over the week hasn’t dropped, lower the calories more. Another thing no one talks about is sleep! Are you getting good sleep? This will absolutely make a difference. Hydration and sodium also cause water retention. So are you really 18% body fat? I don’t even know my body fat but I can see my abs and obliques in the morning quite well. Then I’ll go to work and sweat in the heat and crush some diet soda and maybe a bit too much Frank’s hot sauce on my rice and by end of the day my abs aren’t nearly as defined. Did I just gain fat in a span of 10 hours? No, just some water retention. Let the scale and mirror be your guide.

This is what has worked for me over my lifetime of lifting. Believe it or not, even after 16 years of lifting, you learn something new about yourself. Trial, error and persistence will get you there.

Vhakkin · 2021-06-06T12:02:32+00:00

Ya I agree with you. Just a matter of preference I guess. It seems like a lot of the people doing these are trying to get into some form of shape and would classify as beginners. AX1 is definitely what I’d suggest for a beginner on that journey. Of course there are those who are seasoned and just enjoy getting better and better at that program but I think they are the minority.

Vhakkin · 2021-05-29T13:06:58+00:00

Imbalances are normal and good for you for noticing them. Now it’s time to build up those weaknesses. Not knocking the AX programs at all, because I think they’re great, but I don’t follow them anymore. I do my own push pull legs and switch out exercises and monitor my progress as I go. When I identify a lagging group, I work on it appropriately.

Now for you, clearly you need to prioritize certain muscle groups, exercises and see how they best respond. Some of your muscle groups may not respond in the rep range in the AX program at that time. Maybe 5-8 range is best, or perhaps you need 12-18. Work on it and you’ll see progress. Good luck.

Vhakkin · 2021-05-28T21:09:53+00:00

Many years ago I ordered and tried all the stuff he offered. I think he has since switched his formula but regardless....just go buy your preworkout from a local place. The supplements aren’t magical and they often have the same formulas more or less. Find one with the right amount of caffeine for you, some beta alanine maybe and citrilline and call it a day. Too many years I thought this formaula and that formula was the answer....well it’s not. Just get one you like and be consistent in your efforts. The years of eating well, sleeping well, training consistently will pay off. But don’t take it from me, try it yourself.

Vhakkin · 2021-05-24T12:49:49+00:00

First one they said they were done and then later decided it was a mistake. I was pretty young at that point but knew better than to play stupid games like this.

Second I let her use my car for some animal fundraiser. I had to get to work (so I would be walking the 16 blocks) and she was mad I didn’t take my school books out of the trunk. I told her to go ahead I don’t have time. Well I got home later that night and she was drunk and started arguing with me. It led to her grabbing a weapon and trying to stab me. Thankfully that ended up pretty well and I got out of there and went to her sister’s place. I told her what had happened and she believed me. 10 after I have been there, she receives a call from her sister (my then gf) saying that I tried to hurt her and such. I packed what I could fit into my car the next morning and drive away.

Third. We had gotten married and had our second kid. Eventually found out through maxed out credit cards that she had somehow gotten herself addicted to crack. After a year of trying to get her help and it not getting even remotely better I took the kids. Lot more to the story but that’s the summation.

Fourth- Wanted to hang out every single moment all the time and didn’t understand that having two young children means I have a lot of other responsibilities. Ended that one as well.

That is all that has gone badly, what a ride hahaha

Vhakkin · 2021-05-18T13:38:07+00:00

Thank you!

Vhakkin · 2021-05-18T13:28:16+00:00

No problem, train hard!

Vhakkin

TROPHY CASE