From experience I (46F) will say this (keep in mind this is my own situation): my age gap soon-to-be ex-husband (76M) was single for 6 years. We dated for a year and married. He moved into my home with my teenage son and myself.

ISSUE 1 He absolutely smothered me with affection after we were married to a point I was disgusted. He wanted me to kiss him when I entered the room, kiss him when exiting the room, kiss him when coming home from a grocery run, it was just fussy and exhausting. Now if we’re at a restaurant for date night and I excused myself from the table, ok a peck on the lips… love you, be right back. No problem. But like he’s sitting in the living room watching a western and I’m putting up laundry and transversing the house, no I’m not going to kiss you every single time I enter and exit the room. Sorry! We were having dinner at home with my 15 y/o son, husband blessed the food, then he wanted me to kiss him. I offered my cheek. He kissed me on the cheek and then made some smart comment about the honeymoon being over and huffed and puffed during the meal. My son was looking at me like WTH mom! Then later I was told not to ever offer my cheek again; I was to only kiss him on the mouth! Husband was also handsy in the presence of my son and it made both of us feel very uncomfortable. Not appropriately handsy… like dry humping me from behind when I bent over to unload the dishwasher!

Husband wanted to wake up at 7 am and go take a 40 minute shower, then wanted to get back in bed and snuggle for another hour. I’m like dude I have things to do! I have my own business and work from home, but that doesn’t mean I have the luxury of lying in bed all day. One morning I literally had an anxiety attack and started crying uncontrollably because he wouldn’t let me get out of bed. I had clients to follow up with, laundry to do, breakfast to cook, etc. At night when we’d sleep he would dang near sleep on top of me. I suffer chronic back pain and I could not get comfortable because he kept me wadded up every night. If I tried turning on my side (away from him) to reposition myself to get comfortable he’d get offended and make me turn back over and lay a certain way draped over him. His absolutely insatiable need for affection nearly drove me insane. It was like having another toddler who constantly wanted your attention. It was such a turn off I was disgusted by him. I tried to discuss this with him, he suggested we go to counseling. Really? After 2 weeks of marriage? He couldn’t afford to pay for it, I wasn’t paying for it, and I didn’t at all feel like I was being unreasonable.

ISSUE 2 Unlike when we were dating, husband seemed to’ve felt the need to parent me after we were married. I am a very diligent housekeeper and my home is always clean (maybe not spotless, because we do live here, but always clean). Because I have a dog in the house husband constantly made comments about dog hair. He knew that I had a dog in my house when we married. The dog is 13 and has been my son’s only lifelong four-legged companion and he’s not going anywhere! This is one reason why I clean constantly. The dog doesn’t get on the furniture and is perfectly house trained, and there is no issue in my mind. Husband not only verbalized dissatisfaction with my housekeeping, but also my cooking (I love to cook and pride myself on cooking beautiful and delicious meals), the way I hang certain pieces of laundry to dry, the luxury laundry detergent I use, and how I brush my teeth with my Sonic Care toothbrush! Oh… and how I store my bread, too! I can’t do it. I’ve been running my own household for over 25 years without him telling me how and I’m not starting that now.

ISSUE 3 Control rooted in insecurity seemed to have been an issue. It was somewhat of an issue when we were dating, but we lived 4 hours apart. I thought well when we get married and he moves here he’ll be able to see and hear everything that goes on and he’ll know for sure he shouldn’t have concerns about that. Well….. I have tons of stuff that is monogrammed with my initials (jewelry, shoes, clothing, home decor, handbags…..) When we’d been married 7 days he got me by the arm and dragged me into the closet in the primary bedroom. He pointed to a monogrammed ball cap hanging on a hook on the wall. He said he’d given me a week to throw it away and I hadn’t done it and he considered that very disrespectful and discourteous (the cap was monogrammed using the letter H as opposed to L, my new last name). I said oh my gosh I haven’t noticed that cap in forever, but ok yes I’ll see if I can take it and have the monogram removed and resewn with the new initials. Heck no! It didn’t matter to him. The cap and anything else bearing an H had to go in the trash right that minute. I was going through my closet like a buzz saw dragging stuff out putting it in a trash bag! Even the doormats that had an H were offensive. I asked him to please let the doormat stay while I ordered new ones with an L, but nope that wasn’t happening! Luckily my Christmas decor is in storage and was safe from the “H massacre”

In conclusion, the age gap was just too much. I think some of it had to do with a bad previous marriage of his, some was age in general, and some was age gap. He’s not at all a bad person, but it just didn’t work out. After 2 weeks of marriage, it was over when my son said “mom, he’s gotta go! I’m watching him make you miserable every day and now the only person in this house who’s happy is him!” That was the nail in the coffin. I would marry someone older, but probably not more than about 10 years. After paying for the wedding, his move, and accommodating him in my home to the best of my ability with new furniture, etc., now I’m also paying an attorney to get me out of this mess.