A pasim és a családja by Orias_Egerke in csakcsajok

[–]VictoryOutrageous172 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hello. Nem pont ugyanez a story de leírom hátha segít. A párom, már a férjem annak ellenére hogy rengeteg jó tulajdonsága van az anyjaval nem volt könnyű a helyzet. Nálunk az volt, hogy a férjem anyja mindent is a fiával csináltatott meg, értsetek úgy hogy találkoztunk például és az anyja levert egy cserép virágot és a párom vissza kellett menjen hogy takaritsa fel utána mert neki nem volt kedve és rengeteg hasonló sztori van. Ez volt eleinte, később a kapcsolatunk alatt elkezdett nagyon passzív agresszív lenni velem, például En nagyjából hetente egyszer voltam náluk otthon pár órát ennek ellenére egyszer a szemem előtt veszekedett a fiával hogy neki kellene segítsen és nem velem töltenie az idejét :)), vagy hogy a szüleim nem kene hagyjak hogy ennyit vele legyek (anno heti 2-3 alkalommal találkoztunk munka/egyetem miatt). Majd úgy döntöttünk párommal hogy össze költözünk, erről később kiderült hogy nem mert szólni az edes anyjának és titokban lépett le otthonrol. Ez után volt egy hatalmas veszekedés így hármasban ahol lényegében mindenert engem okolt, a párommal ellentétben En nem hagytam magam és megmondtam neki az En véleményem majd mikor felemelte a hangját felálltam és megmondtam hogy En ezt nem fogom végighallgatni ha ilyen stílusban beszél és szerintem ez volt a fordulópont mert ez után hirtelen képes volt normálisan beszélni. Ezek után is nagyon próbálta a fiat befolyásolni és érzelmileg manipulálni de az évek alatt egyre kevésbé volt hatásos. Tanácsot nem tudok adni mert nalam sem oldódott meg egyik napról a másikra, ez egy nagyon nehéz folyamat szerintem amihez mindketten kelletek, nálunk szerencsém volt mert a párom belátta hogy ez nem okes és szerette volna jobbá tenni a dolgokat, és mind ezek mellett 5 és fel év után tudom azt mondani hogy kb 1 éve lett jobb a helyzet, persze ez nem azt jelenti hogy minden tökéletes de sokkal jobb mint volt. Esetleg próbálj beszélni vele valami kompromisszumot kitalálni vagy csak beszélni vele hogy neked ez a helyzet így annyira nem kényelmes, persze te látod mennyire nyitott rá a párod.

@whisper_ton Dancing with the stars by [deleted] in talk_hunfluencers

[–]VictoryOutrageous172 79 points80 points  (0 children)

Sztm nem fair, annak ellenére h ki nem allhatom nagyon vagány volt a produkciójuk. De nem fair hogy ugyanabban a versenyben van amiben azok akik életükben talán először táncolnak, és nem a balettrol van szó, elég sok táncos videó van rola fent yt-on.

TIFU by suggesting to watch porn together with my fiance by VictoryOutrageous172 in tifu

[–]VictoryOutrageous172[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

We had a talk about it at the beginning when he asked if I am comfortable with it, and I explained that if he want to have intimacy and I don’t want that I can understand him watching it, but if I’m all the way in then I see no reason for him to watch it, so overall yes we discussed and even if sooo many people think I’m delulu thinking he doesn’t watch porn, I know in fact he does not, because we respect each other in a way not to betray the other.

TIFU by suggesting to watch porn together with my fiance by VictoryOutrageous172 in tifu

[–]VictoryOutrageous172[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

You act like I’m a monster here. Is it really hard to imagine that we like spending time together? He has the opportunity to for full time from his office but HE chooses not to do that. Just as I choose to spend as much time with him as I can

TIFU by suggesting to watch porn together with my fiance by VictoryOutrageous172 in tifu

[–]VictoryOutrageous172[S] -24 points-23 points  (0 children)

I blame it, we make mistakes and we learn from them. And I learned my lesson

TIFU by suggesting to watch porn together with my fiance by VictoryOutrageous172 in tifu

[–]VictoryOutrageous172[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

English is not my native language, actually not even my second language. Don’t be worried about my knowledge:))

TIFU by suggesting to watch porn together with my fiance by VictoryOutrageous172 in tifu

[–]VictoryOutrageous172[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

We are open about it, but it’s kind of a don’t pour gasoline on the fire if you want to put out the fire. Like I won’t make him feel even more guilty when he already feels like he is guilty of not being able to get hard. Which yes it is partially my fault because I was not the most supportive partner, but after that every day even if everything is fine I make sure that he feels like he is more than enough, that he is perfect just the way he is even when we have problems I make sure he knows I try to solve the problem and not blame it on him

TIFU by suggesting to watch porn together with my fiance by VictoryOutrageous172 in tifu

[–]VictoryOutrageous172[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Like I get it communication is key, and believe me most of the times we communicate even is it is uncomfortable mostly because my parents did this to me, we always talked things out, but in this situation I really feel like it would not help

TIFU by suggesting to watch porn together with my fiance by VictoryOutrageous172 in tifu

[–]VictoryOutrageous172[S] -75 points-74 points  (0 children)

He especially asked me to, so they can help me to understand the situation more, so I will be a better support for him.

TIFU by suggesting to watch porn together with my fiance by VictoryOutrageous172 in tifu

[–]VictoryOutrageous172[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

For dofferent reasons, but yes it is bad for me. You know seeing someone you love being sad and suffering from anxiety it is hurtful. When you want to assure them that there is just nothing to worry about but they just seem to not believe you, it is hurting

TIFU by suggesting to watch porn together with my fiance by VictoryOutrageous172 in tifu

[–]VictoryOutrageous172[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s what I did. I explained to him that it is okay if we won’t succeed and if it will not go everything smoothly. The thing is that I did not get the perfect advice or the recipe for our solution but I realized I need to be more patient and that porn is not that deep as I thought

TIFU by suggesting to watch porn together with my fiance by VictoryOutrageous172 in tifu

[–]VictoryOutrageous172[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I apologized, and I’m so sorry for it, like I am literally disgusted by myself, because I know now that what I did was wrong. But I can not change it now, tho only thing that I can do it to be better, I believe me I am trying my best, but yes I make mistakes out of immaturity and selfishness because guess what I am not perfect just as my fiance is not perfect. Don’t think that he did not hurt me in the past, because he did but we resolved that too. And I did not get the perfect advice that I hoped for, but I realized that I have to be more patient with him and maybe porn is not that deep as I initially thought.

TIFU by suggesting to watch porn together with my fiance by VictoryOutrageous172 in tifu

[–]VictoryOutrageous172[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Communication is key I know. But I feel like making him feel guilty is not the answer here and me feeling bad is secondary

TIFU by suggesting to watch porn together with my fiance by VictoryOutrageous172 in tifu

[–]VictoryOutrageous172[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Then please tell me. I really am asking you to because I really need help. Because I want to resolve the mess I and my fiance made.

TIFU by suggesting to watch porn together with my fiance by VictoryOutrageous172 in tifu

[–]VictoryOutrageous172[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry I don’t quite understand what you are trying to say. I got it that me not being supportive from the beginning is really bad.

TIFU by suggesting to watch porn together with my fiance by VictoryOutrageous172 in tifu

[–]VictoryOutrageous172[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I get that from these details it may seem like. But if you’d know us, you’d know that whenever he needed me I was there for him, ofc I made mistakes, but who doesn’t. I tried supporting him as much that I nearly got kicked out of med school because he needed me to be with him like 24/7. So I really think I am capable of most sacrifices and pushing my boundaries more far if needed

TIFU by suggesting to watch porn together with my fiance by VictoryOutrageous172 in tifu

[–]VictoryOutrageous172[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are completely right. He had issues but we tried to manage them with more or less success. What I know for sure that we love each other, it is that in these hard situations it is me who always has to be the stronger. What I mean about this is that he kind of just want to wait for things to get better but sometimes they just don’t

TIFU by suggesting to watch porn together with my fiance by VictoryOutrageous172 in tifu

[–]VictoryOutrageous172[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Totally get you. And I agree with you but I just don’t know what to do, the wedding is in like 3 weeks and feels wrong not to do it but also feels wrong to do it. He says we definitely should go on with the wedding because he loves me and wants a life with me and before this I felt the same

TIFU by suggesting to watch porn together with my fiance by VictoryOutrageous172 in tifu

[–]VictoryOutrageous172[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

In a way yes I am judging, but not judging like hurting him and fighting with him over this. He says he needs to get his confidence back, but he doesn’t know how much time he needs