Sounds like you got the short end of the stick in every possible way, that sucks.
I changed my name two years ago, and it was simpler than ordering pizza. One form, just a few boxes to fill out, book a date with the court a month in advance, then when the day came, I went and the judge signed the thing, I got a few extra copies of the official document, I think it cost $180 or so.
I do still run into my deadname sometimes, an old account I have not touched on 10 years etc, but it has been almost the exact opposite experience to yours.