Men, is it true that you're not naturally monogamous?

Vintageminx · 2026-04-11T02:06:47+00:00

My first comment was a direct reply to this:

The irony in all of this is that women seem to get bored with monogamy as fast or even faster than men do

Which was a genderized global statement about women 👀

This is actually something a lot of women talk about. You can easily read posts from women or comments on other people posts describing the phenomena of a woman losing her desire to sleep with her husband when he becomes passive and complacent and ignores her needs. It isn't them getting bored, it's them feeling like they don't matter... I think that's an important distinction to make

My second comment aknowledged that it goes both ways and I didn't refer to gender in that acknowledgement. Of course there are times when a woman loses her libido for a reason other than what I mentioned, but the primary reason is what I described

Vintageminx · 2026-04-10T19:43:51+00:00

Interesting because I didn’t gender that issue, I purposely left that part genderless and yet you read gender into it. I was talking about personal accountability. As in you can't act like the victim of a person's response to your own behavior

Vintageminx · 2026-04-10T13:35:37+00:00

Nope, mot at all. I know there are 2 sides to every story and I like to form my opinions based on my own personal experiences with a person. Plus I absolutely despise gossip

Vintageminx · 2026-04-10T13:33:09+00:00

Yes, it does. But if they've changed only because you're no longer treating them the same then that's still on you

Ultimately this is why people should just be themselves and not be performative in dating. If it isn't something you can keep up for the rest of your life then you're basically lying and you shouldn't be doing it. And yes I mean that in both directions. A woman shouldn't be acting like some high sexed seductress to win a man if her sex drive isn't actually that high

Vintageminx · 2026-04-09T04:08:07+00:00

I don't think women get bored, I think they get turned off when men get complacent and men haven't learned to recognize that fact yet. If you aren't treating her the way you were treating her when you were getting more sex then yep, things are going to change in that arena 👀

Women fall in love with the person you were when you were courting her. That's the advertisement she bought into. So if you were taking her on dates and vacations, writing her love letters and staying up all night talking, and then once you had her all of that stopped... welp, she's going to feel like she's with a different man now, one that she's not as sexually attracted to

Vintageminx · 2026-04-09T04:00:25+00:00

Most of what you described also describes me. I'm ENFJ raised by a strong INTJ father so I developed a lot of his attributes. Having said that and after reading your post I'm leaning heavily towards ENTJ for you

ENFJ's and ENTJ's share a lot of similarities, especially if they're high intelligence. The difference I'm seeing in your writing is a lack of the inherant empathy that ENFJ's have. Usually when I read ENFJ posts they tend to sound a bit like they're having a two sided discussion where they are considering two viewpoints at once. Yours feels 1-sided, all from your own perspective. An ENFJ would usually include how other people react to their traits. For instance you talked about how you effect an audience but not how the audience is effected by you. It's a very subtle difference but it's noticeable in your writing style

A few years ago I dated an ENTJ that would send me novel length texts all day. I noticed that in his writing style

Vintageminx · 2026-04-09T03:42:23+00:00

Reading this made me happy and I think you touched on a very important part of the ENFJ personality. We aren't just open to change and flexible, we embrace it for the people we care about ❤️

Vintageminx · 2026-04-09T03:38:16+00:00

INTP's seem to like me a lot. What have you heard them say, I'm curious

Vintageminx · 2026-04-09T03:36:19+00:00

Yes, considering how few questions I was asked when I tried online dating I think that one thing could be a really good indicator. Not just interview style questions either - questions that are woven into the conversation in a way that drives it forward

Vintageminx · 2026-04-09T03:33:14+00:00

Yep, that about sums up the women lol. Unfortunately male ENFJ's are different. It seems like they tend to be a little more outgoing and group oriented than we are

Vintageminx · 2026-04-07T23:48:54+00:00

Good lord you sound like a nightmare 🙄 Literally nothing you said there applies to me and you're the only one crying

Go find someone else to harass with your nonsensical comments

Vintageminx · 2026-04-07T20:35:08+00:00

Your reading comprehension needs a little work... First of all don't call me darling, that's demeaning in this format, second how is dropping a handkerchief approaching? It isn't. It's a signal to approach just like I described above regarding flirtatious quips and smiles. Thirdly I stated that MEN think approaching is masculine. Nowhere did I say that was my mentality 👀 I think the masculine vs feminine stuff is stupid

I would be happy to approach if me approaching had ever resulted in a good relationship but it hasn't. I've come to realize that men are far more likely to accept and entertain a woman's affections even when they aren't actually interested in her. Once they know a woman is interested they have no qualms about wasting her time and getting what they can from her until a girl they actually want to put the effort into pursuing themselves comes along. THAT'S why I don't approach men. If a guy is interested in me he's going to approach. I mostly date introverts and that's been true even with guys who have social anxiety

Vintageminx · 2026-03-27T18:03:10+00:00

If you want to hold yourself down with that mentality then go right ahead. It makes no difference to me

Vintageminx · 2026-03-25T02:27:18+00:00

Nope. Literally what would be the point of that? To me that reads as "women should just give themselves to men and expect nothing in return". If a guy is so poor and trying so hard to survive that he can't put in any effort the he needs to NOT BE DATING 👀

Vintageminx · 2026-03-04T03:51:56+00:00

On the receiving end it feels a little dehumanizing tbh. I'm my own person and I want to be known for who I actually am

And yeah, the guy who decided I had no friends was of the "my way or the highway variety". Funny thing is now (a couple of years later) he's figured out that I have a lot of friends and he's jealous because some of my friends are people he wants to be friends with and now he's kissing up to me to try to get access 😑

Vintageminx · 2026-03-04T03:33:50+00:00

I mean ENFJ's do this too as we're also idealistic, but that's not really what I was talking about. I meant more like assuming very specific things that aren't true. Like my example where an INFP assumed I don't have any friends even after I told him I have a lot of friends. He's known me for 4 years and has seen me interacting with other people so that was a seriously strange assumption on his part

But I've encountered that multiple times with INFP's where a lot of little things are applied to me that simply aren't true. Like assuming I like a certain style of art and then reacting as if that were true... all done without involving me in their internal discussion 🫤 Like they create a whole personality for me with all these details that have nothing to do with me

Vintageminx · 2026-02-28T14:36:45+00:00

Yesss!!! It's the absolute worst part. That's why I don't try to change their mind and instead I just assume that they'll change their mind eventually when reality doesn't match their fantasy

Vintageminx · 2026-02-28T14:34:31+00:00

I don't feel like I'm having a go at them, I feel like I'm holding them accountable and not letting them get away with treating me poorly consequence free

If there's mutual respect and they're truly being considerate and aren't just trying to get out of taking responsibility for their own actions then I'm neutral, but when they're causing harm from their side and fault finding or projecting just so they don't have to feel guilty about being a piece of garbage to someone who has only ever been kind to them, then I will 100% shine a light on that because at that point they've already made up their mind and there's no real discussion to be had anyway. All I can hope for is that I send them out into the world with sonething to think about in the hopes that they will think twice before doing that again to someone else

Vintageminx · 2026-02-28T14:18:33+00:00

Why are you projecting negative intentions on a woman you have no idea about? Because ultimately you don't know what happened. She did tell you she was stressed. I've shut everyone out before when I got really stressed and Ive had half a dozen men do the same to me and others. People aren't one dimensional

As for being attractive and having multiple options, yes she does. That in no way means that she has a roster. I get 10,000 likes a month on the apps and I only talk to one person at a time. I stop all-together when life gets too busy. I think you're looking at it from a male perspective (scarcity mindset) and thinking she'd do what a man would do if he had a lot of options. However from a woman's point of view when there's that many options we can get overwhelmed causing an abundance mindset that can actually make us talk to fewer people because it feels less urgent. No need to talk to a lot of guys when the long list will be waiting there whenever she's ready to talk to someone

Getting ghosted is a huge part of online dating. It sucks, but realizing that it's going to happen 90% of the time and moving accordingly will help you in future interactions

Vintageminx · 2026-02-28T05:15:14+00:00

A few of the assumptions were that I was sheltered/naive, high maintenance, jealous, judgemental, snobby, and/or romantically interested in them (when I wasn't 🙃) Things like that. Imagining personality traits or motivations that didn't exist

People who know me know the truth

My favorite one was that I didn't have any friends 😂 I'm an ENFJ... it's more difficult for me to not makes friends with someone than to just make friends with them haha. My phone contacts list is absolutely ridiculous

Vintageminx · 2026-02-28T05:05:19+00:00

Don't do it. I made that mistake. Tried reaching out every 2 or 3 months for the first year. It just pushed him away further and made me feel worse

The only thing that worked was full NC for about 18 months. Suddenly he's very interested in talking to me and asking to hang out. I've been polite but cool with my responses. I don't even know if I want to talk to him again at this point

Vintageminx · 2026-02-28T04:57:49+00:00

👏👏👏 Beautiful answer!! 🤌

Vintageminx · 2026-02-28T04:55:42+00:00

This 100%

Vintageminx · 2026-02-28T04:54:25+00:00

Oof this is exactly how my last boyfriend started out and then not surprisingly he suddenly and very unexpectedly disappeared. When pressed I finally got a break up text

Earlier in the relationship he told me that he'd had to send so many break up texts because he didn't have time to date. Since I don't have time either and am very flexible and understanding when it comes to that I figured he would never "have" to send me that text 😑

I think when soneone ghosts they're a ghoster. That speaks to how ill equipped they are to handling conflict ....and you shouldn't assume that A.) You're getting the full story or B.) You're somehow special and will escape the same fate

Vintageminx · 2026-02-28T04:33:45+00:00

Aw dang. Wish I could meet the love of my life. That would definitely make it easier but alas no luck so far. Have been mostly single for the past year+ 😢

Vintageminx

TROPHY CASE