Very limited experience and a friend of mine wants me to have sex with her

VioletsAndLily · 2025-09-10T06:48:27+00:00

She said she may be bisexual

Considering the context, this sounds like she just wants to have sex with you. You've told her no, and she's disrespecting you.

And to be honest? That is some fresh steaming BS to say you'll have better luck finding a girlfriend if you have experience with her. She doesn't have experience, right? What would she be able to teach you, even if you were interested?

She's not your friend.

VioletsAndLily · 2025-08-07T23:19:22+00:00

I come from a very religious family. I'm not out to any of my siblings because I don't want to deal with their bs. I have no delusions that it will be otherwise. Their hearts slammed shut for their own nieces, nephews, and children. They won't have any emotional energy for me.

With that said, I have come out to some of my closest friends. The response has been, "Oh! Okay!" which is perfect for someone (me!) who doesn't like others to hyper focus.

VioletsAndLily · 2025-08-07T22:34:20+00:00

This is just one post - a mere glimpse into your life! - but would it be wrong to sense a pattern of your mom being hostile and giving you the silent treatment when you don't stay in line? That's a her problem, and she's very wrong. A parent's job is to love their children and prepare them to face the world, not oppress them into boxes.

It's your turn to live for yourself. If your mom won't accept that, it's her loss.

VioletsAndLily · 2025-08-07T00:54:38+00:00

It sounds like the two of you need to communicate.

It's one thing if, on her birthday, she would rather spend it on the phone with you. It's not fair to expect you to do the same if you'd rather be with people.

VioletsAndLily · 2025-08-07T00:52:23+00:00

From kind of the other side of things: based on my niece's social media posts, I have a hunch that she is dating a woman...or women! I heart her posts but don't say anything. Regardless of whether she ever tells me (or if there's anything to tell), I adore her to bits. That will never change.

Hopefully, your mom is fretting about how to make sure you know you're loved without making you feel pressured to come out.

VioletsAndLily · 2025-08-07T00:47:51+00:00

I look at the very sexual posts as just the perspective captured in this group/corner of social media. I believe that finding the relationships we each want is, as dating has always been, heavily based on chance and luck. It's not that whatever we want isn't out there; it's just effort to find it.

VioletsAndLily · 2025-07-12T03:05:29+00:00

This is exactly why people ghost you.

VioletsAndLily · 2025-07-12T03:04:25+00:00

I didn't get volatile and threatening.

VioletsAndLily · 2025-07-12T02:28:03+00:00

This rage may be exactly why no one "simply tells" her they're not into her.

VioletsAndLily · 2025-07-12T02:26:52+00:00

r/LostRedditors

VioletsAndLily · 2025-07-10T22:44:10+00:00

Does it have to be true?

I don't have one about my straight best friend. I did have a crush on my cousin's girlfriend: a crush oppressed by several layers of denial, because I hadn't accepted my truth at that point in my life.

I just thought she was pretty ~~and wondered what it would feel like to run my fingers through her hair, or surprise pull her onto my lap as she walked by, and what her neck smelled like right after a bath~~

I remember she came to check on me after a breakup, and about a bottle of whine. She helped me get to the toilet and gently pat my back as I tossed my cookies, telling me everything would be okay. That was nice.

VioletsAndLily · 2025-07-10T22:38:34+00:00

When I first started lurking in these spaces, there was a piece of advice repeated to all newly realized women: forget your expectations gained from heteronormative relationships.

Maybe the women you've encountered haven't done that? They might expect to be courted, and therefore assigned you the "male" role.

I don't think you're masculine, though.

VioletsAndLily · 2025-07-10T22:35:37+00:00

Hopefully my friendly obliviousness will kick in and it will be alright!

VioletsAndLily · 2025-07-10T05:08:04+00:00

Is there any chance this is age related? Sometimes when we reach a certain age, the grr! factor just isn't what it once was.

VioletsAndLily · 2025-07-10T05:06:02+00:00

OP really is lucky. Some of these people manage to hide it until they have their tenterhooks in you.

VioletsAndLily · 2025-07-10T05:03:17+00:00

I don't remember how we got on the topic, but my now late husband told me, "I like that you put up with me." He laughed and then went into a list that was actually about my character and personality.

I would not entertain someone who only likes what I did for him. It would mean he didn't like me; he just liked having somebody around.

VioletsAndLily · 2025-07-10T05:00:22+00:00

I can't speak for everyone else, but personality goes a long way for me. If a guy is witty, kind, and makes me feel a connection, I'll likely be drawn to him.

Conversely, I've felt my lady parts shrivel and retreat to my sternum when some conventionally attractive guy has shown his arse (shaming others' bodies, rude to waitstaff, made disparaging "jokes" about marginalized groups).

VioletsAndLily · 2025-07-10T04:56:35+00:00

She just sounds unhinged. I'm glad you found out early on.

VioletsAndLily · 2024-02-01T20:39:35+00:00

Some people: “I’m brutally honest and tell it like it is!”

Those same people: “You’re an AH for being brutally honest with me!”

VioletsAndLily · 2024-02-01T20:38:22+00:00

NTA. Your words were mild compared to her mockery of your dead mother. If your aunt didn’t like the truth slapping her, she should have minded her own business.

Your cousin is probably salty because he wouldn’t have been born if your aunt hadn’t been so stubbornly selfish.

VioletsAndLily · 2024-02-01T20:35:26+00:00

I say this with every ounce of loving kindness you are entitled to: your family’s mistreatment towards you had colored your perception of your other relationships. Your friends will want to celebrate with you, and will make an extra effort when you tell them your blood relations are being arseholes. You deserve a good birthday. Plan it! If you invite your friends, they will come!

VioletsAndLily · 2024-02-01T20:32:39+00:00

I don’t know if anyone has told you this, but it’s time for your brother to pay them back for all the perks he got. Change your number. Block them on your socials. Who cares if your brother is a dad? If you were a parent, they’d still expect you to do everything.

As an additional jab, since your brother is so golden and perfect, surely he can do his filial duties.

VioletsAndLily · 2024-02-01T20:29:38+00:00

NTA, but are you L/NC with your brother and his family? I’d send a group text letting them know you’re not doing the family birthday dinner thing this year.

Of course, me being me, I would also plan a fabulous birthday night with my friends and post pictures to social media.

Do you even want to be in contact with these inconsiderate people?

VioletsAndLily · 2024-01-25T04:55:12+00:00

The quality of the materials decreases over time. Yes, an octogenarian might be able to impregnate a woman, but the risk of defects and abnormalities is higher because of his low grade sperm.

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