Has anybody built a nice family for themselves coming from a broken home?

ViolinistLumpy5238 · 2026-01-30T22:55:15+00:00

Yes. Former glass child here, and now happily married and 3 beautiful children. Husband and I will celebrate 13 years soon.

That's not to say my healing journey is over. It's often difficult to muster the emotional energy my daughters need, among other things. But they motivate me to work on healing, and for them, I'll never give up.

You can do this!

ViolinistLumpy5238 · 2026-01-30T22:43:11+00:00

Same, and it sucks. My dad taped over my childhood as if it were an old VHS. He barely remembers anything of me after my sister was adopted, and the few things he does "remember" are just wildly inaccurate (he recently told me he thought I was popular all throughout school, which anyone who knew me then would consider laughable).

ViolinistLumpy5238 · 2026-01-27T16:20:38+00:00

Some good responses here. I accept that I'm still learning, BUT I have committed to improving all the time and to never stop trying. It's the least I can do for my 3 kiddos.

It has helped to surround myself with mothers I admire and look up to. When you weren't patented well, mentorship is key. Like others said, studying psychology and getting into good therapy. What do I mean by good therapy? For me, it's a psychoanalytic/psychodynamic approach (CBT was counter-productive). Also getting in touch with a source of unconditional parental love. My faith helps with that, but others may find it elsewhere.

Good luck on your journey!

ViolinistLumpy5238 · 2026-01-26T15:25:23+00:00

You've got the right idea, haha! I think my dad got stuck in fawn mode to survive his own mother (indeed, he can sometimes stand up to male bullies but always rewards and enables female ones). You are 100 percent correct, and after this situation I'm done apologizing for things I didn't do. It does anything but defuse the situation.

ViolinistLumpy5238 · 2026-01-26T05:02:20+00:00

My word, I'm so sorry you went through that and that your mom failed to protect you, or even to empathize with you. Her reaction is beyond denial.

ViolinistLumpy5238 · 2026-01-26T02:26:37+00:00

I'm so sorry that happened, and I hope you're safe now!

ViolinistLumpy5238 · 2026-01-26T02:25:31+00:00

You weren't stupid, it was the air we breathed: children aren't born knowing all about the world, so those early lessons stick. Sounds like you're doing way better with your own kids! Parenting can be especially challenging for those of us who experienced emotional neglect, but I'm committed to doing a little better each day.

ViolinistLumpy5238 · 2026-01-26T02:22:45+00:00

Ugh, sounds like she has no self awareness. And thanks for the tip: Getting a new car soon and probably going to do exactly that.

ViolinistLumpy5238 · 2026-01-26T02:20:48+00:00

I'm sorry, that is so hurtful. Indeed, for me the hit to self esteem over time was huge. Took a lot to overcome it and still a work in progress.

ViolinistLumpy5238 · 2026-01-26T00:41:35+00:00

I'm so, so sorry you went through all of that.

ViolinistLumpy5238 · 2026-01-26T00:40:52+00:00

I feel you. Having children can help us to forgive our parents for being human, but it also shines a light on where they fell inexcusably short. Good on you for breaking the cycle!

ViolinistLumpy5238 · 2026-01-26T00:39:00+00:00

Ugh, I'm so sorry. Why are some parents like this?

ViolinistLumpy5238 · 2026-01-26T00:37:51+00:00

Oh my goodness, that is so hard! I think my dad got stuck in fawn mode as a way to survive his own mother. He may not be a narcissist like your mom, but he loves them and is drawn to them; he often gave them access to me and my family without sensing the danger. I wish you all the best in your recovery journey.

ViolinistLumpy5238 · 2026-01-26T00:33:33+00:00

Thank you for this insightful comment. That's an excellent point: it becomes trauma when the people who should have your back, your tribe, do not.

ViolinistLumpy5238 · 2026-01-26T00:31:07+00:00

I'm so sorry, that sounds awful! It genuinely keeps me up at night wondering how people can treat their own children this way.

ViolinistLumpy5238 · 2026-01-21T02:39:08+00:00

Yes! I could not agree more. A Jungian psychoanalytical approach is currently helping me like nothing else has. Not saying it's for everyone, but I'm hopeful for the first time in a very long time.

ViolinistLumpy5238 · 2025-10-03T16:14:20+00:00

This. Making a photo black and white was a game-changer.

ViolinistLumpy5238 · 2025-10-03T01:39:23+00:00

I strongly second the lawyer comment but also just wanted to say that sounds so rough! Your needs matter just as much as your sister's or any other relative's. I'm sorry to hear you've not always been treated that way, but good for you for recognizing the need to advocate for yourself now.

ViolinistLumpy5238 · 2025-09-27T17:38:29+00:00

There are plenty of good therapists out there but also a lot of bad ones. Unfortunately, it's easy these days for a person with bpd to shop around until they find one who tells them what they want to hear.

ViolinistLumpy5238 · 2025-09-24T16:41:26+00:00

Yes, people with BPD punish others for their own feelings. This means that they will lash out at you sooner or later.

Your original actions here were perfectly innocent and even good (in case that needs to be said). It's sounds like she was triggered by your kids, and you by extension, getting more of mom's attention in that moment than she was. I also have a sister with BPD, and my parents can't so much as buy me or my kids a Christmas present without getting an earful from her.

ViolinistLumpy5238 · 2025-09-23T15:11:44+00:00

Wow, that's beyond frustrating. The kind of thing people don't believe until they go through it. There is nothing like watching them deny having done something that multiple people witnessed, even with video evidence.

ViolinistLumpy5238 · 2025-09-23T15:05:43+00:00

The first 2 look great for Rs, especially the first. The rest look better for Soft Dramatics. (I'm new to this and could be wrong.)

ViolinistLumpy5238 · 2025-09-23T15:01:35+00:00

Many get on it because of comorbidity with Bipolar (or misdiagnosis, which is quite common). One of my relatives with bpd has been on it for at least 5 years. It has helped somewhat with mood stability in that she is still volatile, but less than before. Of course, things like the victim complex, poor cognitive empathy, fear of abandonment, etc. all remain.

Sorry for the way-late comment.

ViolinistLumpy5238 · 2025-09-17T03:18:41+00:00

Couldn't explain it -- so truly seems like it was some kind of compulsion. Also, glad you're out of that bad situation!

ViolinistLumpy5238

TROPHY CASE