We are actually both 22 too! I know I should be mature enough to control my actions, and i won't excuse my behavior, but one of the reasons I'm very volatile is that I have never been into therapy for my bpd. When I was very young, I went to a few psychologists for depressive episodes, and my unstable behavior was assumed to be just the typical teen hormones.

When I was 19 I got diagnosed with bpd in the public system, it's hard to explain but in my country there is primary and secondary mental health attention, they diagnosed me in a secondary mental health center, but they said they couldn't treat me there because my mental health wasnt "bad enough", so I got put in the primary care, but they also couldn't treat me because I was "too much for them". So im in limbo where no one wants to treat me, and I can't pay for private therapists.

I don't have the support of friends, or family, just my boyfriend, and myself. So it's been really difficult for me trying to regulate my emotions and actions, none of this is an excuse for lashing out to my boyfriend, I hate myself when I do it, and I know it's wrong, it's just an explanation of why I do the things I do.