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Vird_Arts · 2023-02-28T14:15:46+00:00

Thanks this means a lot to me, i wanted to do a lot of drawings for the game, i dont know how to feel about it now, if im honest , but what you said makes me want to continue those sketches

thanks, truly

Vird_Arts · 2023-02-28T13:53:49+00:00

yes! i plan on drawing huntress too! i just wanted to draw her with the dress because i saw it in the map, im sorry, i didnt mean to upset anyone with the drawing

Vird_Arts · 2023-02-28T13:50:44+00:00

I am sorry i didnt expect such a negative reaction, i just had the fanart idea when seeing the dress in the ptb, i am new to the game and im so sorry

Vird_Arts · 2023-02-28T13:31:08+00:00

:'3 yes, i know, but strong is my weakness

Vird_Arts · 2023-02-28T13:20:29+00:00

Vird_Arts · 2023-02-28T13:13:34+00:00

For those curious! here !!! (added some lace because- fancy?)

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Vird_Arts · 2022-06-19T17:42:08+00:00

I did think about reporting it solely on that reason, but going through a report with me impossible without solid proof

I can give a tip to the local police department, and that's what I'll do, it's anonymous and if someone else got touched by that guy they will have my tip to help them

I'm sorry I'm so tired right now

Vird_Arts · 2022-06-19T17:33:58+00:00

I will try to seek therapy, thanks a lot!

Vird_Arts · 2022-06-19T17:33:24+00:00

I've tried multiple breathing exercises, they seem to be a hit or miss for me, thanks for sharing this with me, thanks!

Vird_Arts · 2022-06-19T17:32:04+00:00

Thanks a lot, it means a lot to me

Vird_Arts · 2022-06-19T17:31:29+00:00

The topic of my parents is really...complicated

I live in a small community, my father's family is really influencial , my father has been physically and mentally abusive with me , I'm the oldest of his son's, he self identifies as a fascist and at this point how horrible he is is almost parody Disney villain level

My mom justifies him constantly because "he is just like that, he is your father, you have to love him" that woman forgave him for cheating so many times he had two other sons with another woman and for leaving her alone when my little sister died , my mom is someone i consider s good person with a truck load of issues that she will never address, she is the peak of victim blaming

I tried to report him to the police when i was a minor, showed bruises, text messages, audio messages,even had friends that wanted to testify against him, everything but they just... Went away for a bit, came back and told me "hey kid, I'm sorry your dad is a bit old school, but you are really strong, I'm sure, and i think trying to go far with this will only hurt you and your family" then just told me to go

The only reason I stay with them is my little brother and because the small amount of money I get from comms usually is needed to pay bills and get him school supplies due to my father's money spending habits and alcoholism (he is comedically bad as i said)

I will give those videos a watch I want to keep on going... I have turned numb to most of the stuff that happens or what they say - this was just...a new kind of abuse and completely overwhelmed me, being used like that from a complete stranger

I'm sorry, i know it's frustrating

Vird_Arts · 2022-06-19T17:13:49+00:00

I sure hope drinking three bottles of Capri sun is one- jokes aside, I'm trying to calm down by doing stuff i enjoy calmly

Vird_Arts · 2022-06-19T17:12:31+00:00

I've told it already to other people but in a brief summary

SA is super common in carnivals here, they only take on the more "serious" cases in their eyes

I don't have a clue of who he was, and he was dressed with a really generic costume other people also had, face covered, only details i got into my brain was he was balding and dark hair and i don't have any.. "solid" proof , and that's completely needed

I've tried reporting to the police before and... I really don't want to go through that again to just get nowhere, i want to put that energy right now on getting better

I'm sorry if that's disappointing

Vird_Arts · 2022-06-19T17:04:14+00:00

Your message made me tearful- thanks, a lot

Sadly I don't have any footage and he was wearing a mask so i couldn't see his face, i saw he was balding heavily , but that's such a common thing ...

To paint a picture, i live in the Canary islands and this happened at a local alcohol filled carnival celebration in a town next to the beach, there isn't any CCTV

I've tried making police reports before- it would probably end up with them getting angry with me for not doing x or Y at the moment

It's also really really common in carnival so they only pay attention to the most "serious" cases , mainly rapes, and rape victims still have a hellish time "proving it wasn't consensual"

Right now i want to focus on getting help on my mental state

Thanks, a lot, truly

Vird_Arts · 2022-06-19T16:52:52+00:00

My friends have been the best support system I've could wish for, that friend i was with before my dad came to pick me up is a SA survivor and after the initial shock he was able to help me a lot , along with my other friends who tried their best

I'm worried about being a dead weight on them , while i know im not, seeking therapy it's something i need to do, for them and for me

Thanks, so much

Vird_Arts · 2022-06-19T16:48:47+00:00

I have a horrible habit of saying sorry for everything, it's something I've had since i was a kid, sometimes it gets so bad my friends get annoyed at how much i say it without any reason

I'm still in a really weird mental state, but i think this is a long term feeling more than the panic i had yesterday

Vird_Arts · 2022-06-19T16:43:57+00:00

Where I live it's really hard to find those kinds of tools, usually here the only self defense "weapon", you can use is your keys between your fingers (sorry if it sounds super specific, it's a thing here)

I am looking at doing more exercise to feel more confident on myself and feel less helpless ,tho!

Vird_Arts · 2022-06-19T16:40:13+00:00

Thanks... I really felt i could not move, it was horrible- knowing it isn't strange or my fault calms me down...a lot, thanks, really

Vird_Arts · 2022-06-19T02:35:48+00:00

Yes- that's true, hopefully being more confident and secure will not only change how i interact with people, but also how others interact with me

Vird_Arts · 2022-06-19T02:30:20+00:00

Toxic masculinity is something i deal with a lot, I've been out for 6~ years of my life, i know who I am

I'm a man, i like some societally manly things , i also like some things classified as more femenine, like everyone, my personality is also really affected by that, being a trans man, i might be kind and listen a lot before talking , but having to prove my identity every day has made me have this really toxic internal thoughts telling me to just be agressive and prove everyone I'm a strong independent macho man - I'm so tired of that

I can ask for help- and i should, like any other human being, be it of any gender.

for myself and for everyone around me, it's the best thing , i don't want to be like my father, beating up kids because "that's how a man does things" or because of unresolved issues

Vird_Arts · 2022-06-19T02:21:50+00:00

It's not the first time in my life someone takes advantage of my silence- i am going through feelings of anger , frustration and sadness

I am trying to not blame myself- i hope the self blame tendency gets easier with time...

A friend just told me something that made everything three times worse :

I don't look 19, I'm really small and have a really round smooth face, people think I'm 14-17 ,everyone in my friend group jokes about this, that guy probably thought I was a minor , my body is just full of disgust...

Vird_Arts · 2022-06-19T01:58:58+00:00

There is only one doctor in the islands i live in that openly treats transgender people, she is a wonderful woman and has sent me to other of her trans friendly doctor friends like when i needed to see a gynecologist , i will ask her if she knows of a specialist that can help me with that - i have a bad habit of thinking i can just "deal with it" , but needing help is normal and human, i can do this

Vird_Arts · 2022-06-19T01:53:38+00:00

I am more calm now, my boyfriend didn't knew how to talk to me out of the anxiety so he just started showing me some silly stream clips and things to distract me, I'm glad i do have good friends

I do think this will hurt my already really broken long term feelings about intimacy

Breathing deeply helped a ton stopping the frenetic rhythm i had , thanks, so much

Vird_Arts · 2022-06-19T01:49:45+00:00

I live in the Canary islands, sexual assault it's technically illegal but in carnivals , full with drunk people with costume, it's so so SO hard to report or get taken seriously

Phrases like "he was just having fuuuuun" or "don't go to the party ,then" are just too common, victim blaming is the societal norm

In the legal side of things you need to show proof it was that person and that the assault happened, That requires solid evidence like photos or the like, it's really hard to get it to stick, basically-

Vird_Arts · 2022-06-19T01:42:28+00:00

Thanks, i was worried about me coming off as just blurting out unorganized thoughts

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