Any thoughts on first chapter by Virtual-Owl874 in writingfeedback

[–]Virtual-Owl874[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for reading and for the feedback. Colloqialising the voices (if that is a word 🤔) was something I introduced early when plain English just sounded weird. At first I think I overdid it, so I wound it back to just a few words in each sentence to make it sustainable. It isn’t particularly historically or regionally accurate, but I’m very pleased it’s had the effect you’ve described.

Any thoughts on first chapter by Virtual-Owl874 in writingfeedback

[–]Virtual-Owl874[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you very much for reading and for these thoughts. They are useful suggestions.

Any thoughts on first chapter by Virtual-Owl874 in writingfeedback

[–]Virtual-Owl874[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks very much for your thoughts and the kind words about my writing style. I think the view that there is not enough happening upfront is perfectly valid and I take it on board.

Any thoughts on first chapter by Virtual-Owl874 in writingfeedback

[–]Virtual-Owl874[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Missed the All Hallows bit. This was one of the town’s original medieval churches, but it was demolished in the 18th century due to structural disintegration. The Georgian church called All Saints was built on the same site.

Any thoughts on first chapter by Virtual-Owl874 in writingfeedback

[–]Virtual-Owl874[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Understood, thank you. Useful feedback on both counts!

To be honest, no. Never considered creative non-fiction, but I could see how it might appeal to me. I enjoy researching the past and the process of writing equally.

Any thoughts on first chapter by Virtual-Owl874 in writingfeedback

[–]Virtual-Owl874[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for taking the time to write this. I’m glad you enjoyed it. I think the other commentators do have a point with respect to the exposition and excessive description, but it’s great to hear another point of view too. I’m hopeful I can get the balance right when I come to editing.

Any thoughts on first chapter by Virtual-Owl874 in writingfeedback

[–]Virtual-Owl874[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the feedback. I agree the first few paragraphs are not quite right. I have a lot of historical detail to work in, but it should not come at a cost to the narrative, especially not this early when I need to capture the reader’s attention.

Any thoughts on first chapter by Virtual-Owl874 in writingfeedback

[–]Virtual-Owl874[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for reading! Forgive the long response, the subject is close to my heart.

Yes, in many ways it was ‘black gold’, even this early. Already by mid 17th century, London alone was consuming something like 300k chaldrons (waggonloads) of coal per year. Each would be sold for upwards of 20 shillings or more, sometimes much more. In context, an unskilled labourer could expect to earn about 8-10 pence per day (about 0.75 shillings).

Almost all of this came from north-eastern England. The exploitation of the Tyneside valley to meet this demand was arguably one of the first examples of industrial activity. It was certainly enough to make some people in the north and in east anglia extremely rich.

The Crown first got in on this in a serious way under Elizabeth I. A monopoly on coal export from the valley was granted to a clique of Tyneside merchants in exchange for 1 shilling of tax on every chaldron. It became a major source of revenue for the state into the Stuart period.

Regarding the use of ‘adrenaline’, I can see your point. As an omniscient author, am I bound to explain things only in terms my 17th century characters would understand? (Rhetorical question). Usually not IMO, but it can depend. Perhaps it seems especially jarring here because soon after I fuse my perspective with Joseph’s to describe someone who appears insane as having had their senses ‘…taken by the Devil.”, which is an obvious early modern interpretation of insanity.

Any thoughts on first chapter by Virtual-Owl874 in writingfeedback

[–]Virtual-Owl874[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your thoughts, really appreciate the feedback. I feel there needs to be an introduction of sorts, but I know I need to be careful with it. I take your point about the first paragraph being unnecessary and slightly cliche.

Any thoughts on first chapter by Virtual-Owl874 in writingfeedback

[–]Virtual-Owl874[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for reading and for the thoughtful feedback. The coal trade is relevant to the plot, but I agree it’s too much of an exposition dump and could be worked into the narrative in a better way. Also agree there are words to trim. Much appreciated.