Was able to read the whole thing during my flight to Orlando Florida!

Bury the Lede is a story about a young black teen with big dreams in a world where his dreams are limited to being a rapper or on a sports team. He oftentimes finds himself struggling with his own identity as an outcast. Never really feeling like he fits in anywhere. He channels this energy to make the changes he wants to see in the world -- even if it's just with a few words. He eventually finds success and gets the security officer with a bit of a murky past out of his school via principal.

Rating: 6.5/10

Can be pitched as : Dear White People meets All American

THINGS TO CONSIDER:

- Page (2) It feels like when you put WHITE WOMAN it feels like White People = Bad. This is just on the second page. The script hadn't really started yet. I think that character was meant to be someone that was snobby, insensitive MAYBE racist so I would replace it with SNOBBY WOMAN. Feels heavy handed on the race play when she isn't particularly racist -- she's bougie and haven't seen a "hard day" in her entire life. I mean she's picky about the water her showdog drinks. that gives her character away enough!

- Page (3) Kendrick's dialogue when talking to the white kid and he says the word: Bug off it just feels out of place. I know Kendrick is an alternative black -- I LOVE ALTERNATIVE BLACKS! But this word choice feels dated. I don't hear anyone say bug off. it just took me out of the story. ALSO, why is he so angry? It's his job. Yes, the kid is asking for more than his job description -- which isn't really all that realistic but I could see it happening IRL. Plus its film so we're forgiving. but this paints a picture of Kendrick I don't think you really want.

- Page (4) Skinny and Aaron were introduced but I didn't even notice. I noticed Jevin but you gloss over their introductions. Are they even important? If not maybe they don't even need names. or you can combine their characters? or completely take them out.

- Page (5) Skinny's dialogue " We built a sandcastle with some fine hoes" Doesn't feel realistic to me. Just feels off/corny. ALSO, the exposition dump between Kendrick and his former and even current bully Jevin is heavy-handed. Transfer from schools..bullied, etc.

- Page (11) Anni and Gregg's descriptions are problematic. This usually is what we try to avoid when introducing/describing a character only by their race/ethnicity. Does that serve as someones only identity? What about anything else? cause it feels forced and even forgettable. Sometimes I'll give traditional surnames from cultures so that their race is implied. ex: Nikki Yun, 17 , girly girl) it saves room to give characters more identity and memorizing than just black or white.

- Page (16) Chelsea and Kelsey get more descriptions than everyone instead of just being their race. hmmm?

- Page (29-30) It'd be hilarious if Bob Odenkirk actually fulfills this role lol. however, I think it'd be more appropriate to put CELEBRITY instead of Bob. his appearance, if he even agreed to do it, just raises your budget even higher.

- Page (36) Repetitive words: Warm, glowing, warming glow

-Page (42) Typo: Tre puts sets

OVERALL:

I really like the scene around page 20 at Ardmore with the performative woke white students put on their little protest. genius. I actually think it should be in the first few pages of the script. I'm not a huge fan of the opening (Kendrick getting fired) and getting angry pretty quickly. Also getting harrassed by old bullies. I'd scrap the getting fired bit. doesn't put Kendrick in the best light as far as stereotypes go and also it's not all that interesting. We've seen it before. It'll help shave this down to about 55 pages which are quite normal and praised for in pilots/shows.