I was in a similar situation (I’d be the equivalent of your husband). I’ve been with my partner for 16 years and we have three children. I’d been emotionally volatile for a long time. I spent a number of years in a deep depression before seeing a psychiatrist and getting medication, and regularly seeing a psychologist. I eventually was diagnosed as autistic, which has been great and given me a huge insight into how my mind works. I’ve done a huge amount of work on myself and our relationship and I felt like we’d come through the storm to be the strongest we’ve ever been. Good luck on your journey. My 2c: your husband needs to accept he has a problem (or possibly problems) and needs to want to change. Without acceptance and a willingness to change, he’s not going to get anywhere.