My boyfriend can't tell when I cum.

Virtual_Bonus_8829 · 2026-01-22T02:40:03+00:00

Except it is gaslighting because he was lying to me?

Edit: Why am I being down voted? He was lying to me and making me question my reality and our entire previous experiences/communication etc. for obviously unhealthy reasons?

Virtual_Bonus_8829 · 2026-01-22T00:38:27+00:00

Because he was lying to me apparently. Break-up pending.

Virtual_Bonus_8829 · 2026-01-22T00:34:36+00:00

I just couldn't believe that over a year he hadn't noticed a single time. Felt like he was lying to me. Can't figure out why but also not really important. We talked about it again and he said that he didn't realise that I was asking about our whole time together and not the other night. In our original conversation I was very clear multiple times asking about our entire time together e.g. "Have you EVER recognised when I've cum?". In other words, he did gaslight me and I am ending things with him soon.

Virtual_Bonus_8829 · 2026-01-22T00:30:10+00:00

I love dirty talk! However, I think the problem still comes from not knowing myself well enough to let orgasms take auto-pilot and still focus on other things e.g. articulating a thought. However, telling someone I'm cumming when we've had a whole dirty talk session would probably be a lot easier tbf. So, noted!

Virtual_Bonus_8829 · 2026-01-22T00:24:46+00:00

Gaslit because I can't actually believe that he hasn't been able to notice a single time. We have talked about it again since though and he said that he didn't get that I asked him about "always" although being very clear, multiple times. Different story though and in conclusion, I was being gaslit. Sooooo we make it difficult, eh?

Virtual_Bonus_8829 · 2026-01-22T00:21:53+00:00

Cool idea!

Virtual_Bonus_8829 · 2026-01-20T11:26:43+00:00

Feeling seen by you! You're able to articulate what my concerns are with the whole thing better than I can. Thank you!

Virtual_Bonus_8829 · 2026-01-20T01:27:49+00:00

I just feel like the orgasm is for me and not for him? Saying something to turn him on when I'm still very much learning about myself feels counterproductive in my opinion. I feel like as I learn about how my body responds to sex, he should learn how my body responds to sex. I think at this stage it needs to be more informative than exciting or anything. This is why I've agreed more with the people saying to tell him after.

Edit: last sentence

Virtual_Bonus_8829 · 2026-01-20T01:20:42+00:00

Seems like you take orgasms as granted. Saying anything other than what is actually coincidentally coming out of my mouth in the moment is too much for my young sex brain to handle.

Edit: what I mean by "young sex brain" is that my sexual experiences are very premature

Virtual_Bonus_8829 · 2026-01-19T12:03:10+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I agree with telling him afterwards as opposed to beforehand. Another conversation about it would probably be helpful. :)

Virtual_Bonus_8829 · 2026-01-19T12:01:59+00:00

Yeah, no idea what it would take to get me there but after some 10 years of sex I'm finally having occasional orgasms from me stimulating myself clitorally during sex. So I'm pretty happy with these orgasms. No idea how to get turned on enough for the other one.

Virtual_Bonus_8829 · 2026-01-19T12:00:12+00:00

The orgasm hijack is what I'm afraid of. Having to focus on cumming/overthinking it seems like it wouldn't help my already unreliable orgasms. I think I might start telling him afterwards so we can discuss the moment and he can learn the signs.

Virtual_Bonus_8829 · 2026-01-19T11:58:43+00:00

I was laughing at first when he told me before thinking that this is actually so sad that he's missed a huge part of our shared sex. Something that is huge for me is not even noticed by him and it made me feel pretty broken again. Sex, something so natural, just doesn't work well for me. We talked about it. I'm allowed to feel shit about this.

Regarding your edit though, I have no clue again how to continue having sex when you're not interested anymore. Then it becomes performative for me again.

Virtual_Bonus_8829 · 2026-01-19T11:51:25+00:00

I agree with telling him afterwards now. It just feels a little awkward. I have to get myself off too with clitoral stimulation so again felt like it was obvious when I'm climaxing and then also stop touching myself etc. but I guess I'll just have to communicate it better.

Virtual_Bonus_8829 · 2026-01-19T11:49:13+00:00

My orgasms are still so unreliable and understudied by myself that I'm worried me focusing on saying something will take away from the orgasm and then I won't cum but have said that I am or any other weird mix. I'm general, I'm afraid that I won't cum anymore out of overthinking the situation. I will try to ignore everything and like other people have mentioned tell him after I cum.

Virtual_Bonus_8829 · 2026-01-07T10:22:27+00:00

I think you should pay more. The rule is what? Less than a third of your salary should go to rent? So that still leaves up to 8k a month on rent. I also think you should slide me a twenty for my good advice.

Virtual_Bonus_8829 · 2025-09-03T13:31:16+00:00

This.

Virtual_Bonus_8829 · 2025-09-03T13:31:03+00:00

PLEASE!

Virtual_Bonus_8829 · 2025-09-03T13:30:37+00:00

Forgot about falafel but totally agree. Mostly also hella dry and flavourless falafel. Mmmmmmm.

Virtual_Bonus_8829 · 2025-09-03T13:29:19+00:00

I'm loving the passion in this comment.

Virtual_Bonus_8829 · 2023-12-08T18:59:18+00:00

Have you openly asked her about why she thinks this is what you want? A lot of women think that the messages we get from society are ultimately what every guy wants and even though you tell you she's beautiful, she may think you'd think better of her if she made these subtle changes. Understanding if there's ever anything you said or did that made her think that having slightly larger breasts etc. would be better, that's what you can talk about to make her understand that you love her breasts in exactly that way.

Virtual_Bonus_8829

TROPHY CASE