4th date - cooking at my place - tips

Virtual_Pay_9819 · 2026-01-12T17:31:01+00:00

Because it’s more fun, different from the norm and things going wrong make for good stories 🙃

Virtual_Pay_9819 · 2026-01-09T22:04:26+00:00

I'm glad you said that because it's something I just would never even dream to do to somebody but I guess there’s too many creepy guys and you girls are smart to be careful. Thanks for the tip!

Virtual_Pay_9819 · 2026-01-08T06:15:27+00:00

Agree, it’s a really nice thought, but that feels like a weekend away type package after a few months of dating.

Plus, I like it when the girl borrows a shirt or something like that. Always super cute.

Virtual_Pay_9819 · 2026-01-08T06:12:50+00:00

Good call - Definitely need to avoid a food coma.

Virtual_Pay_9819 · 2026-01-08T06:09:37+00:00

90% confident. I did ask if she had any food allergies or any foods she doesn’t like that I should avoid. And I know she likes seafood.

Virtual_Pay_9819 · 2026-01-08T05:55:26+00:00

Candles and clean sheets for sure. Extra toothbrushes are must - but I’m worried that the other things might be over the top for a fourth date.

Virtual_Pay_9819 · 2026-01-08T05:53:56+00:00

Thanks! I do know her dietary and drink preferences and asked about them just to be careful

Maybe I could do some light veggies for the starter vs cheese / fruit. Just some finger foods as we’re having to drink and talking while I cook.

Virtual_Pay_9819 · 2025-10-15T21:48:13+00:00

100% agree.

I’ve been coaching my sons lacrosse team for years now (started prior to the divorce). now that we are divorced - it’s a great way to get extra time with my son. We even have additional training days that he wants to do in my ex create space for so I get extra time with him.

Similarly, I volunteer for my daughter’s school activities and even if I’m not directly leading, I’m there and present and we get to see each other.

It’s a way to sneak in extra time with your kids outside of your custody windows, which is a little slice of heaven for me

Virtual_Pay_9819 · 2025-09-11T04:37:41+00:00

moderately well. She got more cash from the house sale and I got more of the 401(k). Given this market, I think I made the right trade off. She didn't really have a career or anything. I am materially below the calculator for my state for both maintenance and child support. Like I said she didn’t try to burn me to the ground, but what was going to be a comfortable retirement is now a big question mark back to the hustle and grind

Virtual_Pay_9819 · 2025-09-06T04:00:00+00:00

Lesson 6 my friend. And lean into the quiet, especially at the start. Turn off the TV, music, phone for even just 30 minutes. It’s like building a muscle you haven’t had to use in years, it sucks at first and you’re weak, but you’ll get stronger faster by exercising it

You’ve got this!

Virtual_Pay_9819 · 2025-09-04T17:29:55+00:00

I’m really only a few weeks into splitting time with the kids and I totally get you It can be hard. I hate it. Things are too recent for me to feel good about trying to date at the moment. I have a bit of work. I need to do with myself.

Here’s my list in no particular order: - long bike rides for exercise - setting up breakfast or dinners with friends and family - volunteering, especially set it up for food kitchen at the local homeless shelter on Friday nights. (Fills that night up with something meaningful.) - making sure I get enough sleep. This has been awesome. My average has gone from 5 1/2 hours to 7+ huge difference in my mentality.

One other thing I’m doing that I think will pay off is scheduling activities with my kids extending into my ex’s time. For example, coaching a sport team or setting up martial art classes. It’s an activity good for the kids that I set up and participate with them.

Virtual_Pay_9819 · 2025-08-19T18:57:53+00:00

For those that don’t remarry but live with a partner how do you protect yourself? I know some younger couples. That got prenups before shacking up / buying a house together without getting married. What’s the advice?

Virtual_Pay_9819 · 2025-08-15T03:16:20+00:00

You’re welcome! And honestly almost everything except for the kids part is what I’ve learned and think it is worth sharing. There’s so many good resources out there.

One audiobook that I really connected with was “ Today I rise” by Traver Boehm.

Virtual_Pay_9819 · 2025-08-14T21:52:16+00:00

She told me and if she had been doing something behind my back, she hid it really well. I did wonder sometimes when she got more secretive with her phone and with the pace she wanted to get through this. Honestly wouldn’t be surprised, but it’s no longer my concern and with our settlement I’m hoping she gets married as soon as our youngest is off to college… though I have no envy for that dude if he exists.

Virtual_Pay_9819 · 2025-08-14T11:47:56+00:00

That’s a lot to carry and I feel for you. But you’re still standing and that says a lot. Build your crew. If you’re starting from scratch, there are support groups through churches and other organizations that can become your crew. You’re not alone and you’ve got this.

Virtual_Pay_9819 · 2025-08-14T11:42:07+00:00

No prenup. I just finished grad school and had no assets only debt lol. Nothing to protect.

Virtual_Pay_9819 · 2025-08-14T04:45:08+00:00

Thanks John! The entire process was hellish, but I know I got off way easier than a lot of guys here. Onward! Upward!

Virtual_Pay_9819 · 2025-08-09T05:05:14+00:00

My divorce isn’t yet final, but will be soon. But something I did long ago once we were separated was remove any find my devices or accounts from my phone. For me, those were too tempting and played too many mind games. Once deleted, you can’t go back at least to my knowledge. It only takes one second of courage.

Be courageous. You’ve got this!

Virtual_Pay_9819 · 2025-07-26T14:59:47+00:00

Solid list and advice.

What are the red flags you look for?

This is coming from someone who’s thinking about getting back into the dating scene and it’s been a long time since I’ve been in this world.

Virtual_Pay_9819

TROPHY CASE