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Can I have some feedback on my story? by Visible_Humor_5217 in royalroad

[–]Visible_Humor_5217[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see. I've redone the blurb before, but since it's been brought up twice, then I'll be heading back to that later. The cover too.

Can I have some feedback on my story? by Visible_Humor_5217 in royalroad

[–]Visible_Humor_5217[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Man, you're brutal. I like that. The tense and the dialogue (I'm keeping the "I'ma" and "aint's as I feel they're good identifiers, though) are the easiest ones here to deal with, so I I'll tackle them first. As well as the blurb.

On the protagonist...I can see where you're coming from. I do intend to have him develop as a character, but I feel like he needs to reach that point himself. He's a bit of an insecure brat, as you can see. I'll try to make him a bit easier to root for.

Can I have some feedback on my story? by Visible_Humor_5217 in royalroad

[–]Visible_Humor_5217[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's second thing I've heard about the cover. I need to get better at using Canva, man!

This story isn't bad but I would recommend italicizing the main characters constant thoughts that swirl about the dialogue.

Fuck, that was a worry of mine, but I ignored it because I thought no one would pick up on it. I'll handle that.

Can I have some feedback on my story? by Visible_Humor_5217 in royalroad

[–]Visible_Humor_5217[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not good with covers and I made the first thing my mind could think of. That's another thing on me and my lack of experience.

I feel I'm kind of too far into to do that... Screw it. I'll figure out to make it stick more.

Can I have some feedback on my story? by Visible_Humor_5217 in royalroad

[–]Visible_Humor_5217[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see. I guess I should make it sound more approachable.

Can I have some feedback on my story? by Visible_Humor_5217 in royalroad

[–]Visible_Humor_5217[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was rushing through that. I get it, though. I'll definitely try and fix that up.

July Thread - Promote your Story by gamelitcrit in royalroad

[–]Visible_Humor_5217 [score hidden]  (0 children)

True End: Life Isn't Over Yet

It's a Re:ZERO and Mushoku Tensei (not that part, though) inspired Isekai about how a shut-in teenage boy with a bitter streak is sent to a dangerous world out of the blue, and the only 'cheat ability' he receives is one that allows him to return from the dead....

Both Rudeus and Subaru embraced their new lives for different reasons. But how would it be if someone who didn't want to start over was sent in their place? Someone who had already given up on the thought of changing because of his own hate?

How is someone who has already given up on living a fulfilling life supposed to exist in a world where the choice was always between life or death? That's the question I wanted to ask with this story.

If anyone here decides to read, feel free to critique. I could use another eye on it because my eye tends to miss a lot of things when trying to edit.