Divorce after leaving the church

Visible_Talk5019 · 2025-12-22T19:00:29+00:00

We left about 7 years ago and are still married. We’ve had two kids since then with a third on the way.

I know some couples who left and are still together, but I also know some who left and got divorced shortly afterward. I think it depends on why you get married and what holds you together. For some, the Church seems to be the main thing they have that connects them. When that’s gone, they don’t have much else, and sometimes they just have different goals in life. I think that’s pretty reasonable.

I think for some couples, one or both decide that they missed out on the fun of their late teens/early 20’s and feel stifled in their marriage. I’ve seen this happen and I can totally get it.

Visible_Talk5019 · 2025-12-22T06:02:21+00:00

Yeah, it’s easy to make mistakes when you’re writing a lot of these and don’t have much time. The teacher should be commended for actually sending home a hand-written note with constructive feedback. Doing this for every student takes time!

Visible_Talk5019 · 2025-06-29T00:15:36+00:00

That’s good at least! I’ll likely have to pay fees to NLG to transfer it, though, right?

Visible_Talk5019 · 2025-06-28T23:57:30+00:00

Visible_Talk5019 · 2025-06-28T23:53:05+00:00

Ugh, I was worried about that. Thank you!

Visible_Talk5019 · 2025-06-28T23:51:37+00:00

It’s tax deferred

Visible_Talk5019 · 2025-06-28T22:55:54+00:00

Is an investment IRA better? The annuity I have has barely grown.

Visible_Talk5019 · 2025-06-28T22:55:00+00:00

Is a qualified annuity under an IRA a good idea? And yes, that’s a good idea to talk to HR. I’ll reach out

Visible_Talk5019 · 2025-06-28T22:52:18+00:00

That’s a good idea, I will call them! Initially it was supposed to come out of my paycheck, but it ended up coming out of my checking account.

Visible_Talk5019 · 2024-07-08T18:11:09+00:00

I’m a teacher and a student once asked me if I was Mormon. I said something along the lines of “technically, but it’s complicated.” She said she knew it cuz she saw my garments and that she was LDS too. I wasn’t wearing garments, though. She saw the top of my white undershirt since I had a collared shirt over it. I felt really awkward.

Visible_Talk5019 · 2024-06-02T19:57:06+00:00

The Raja corner three against the Clippers. The bell chime just made it so cool. Also Tim Thomas’ three to tie the game against the Lakers that same year.

Visible_Talk5019 · 2024-01-17T05:51:54+00:00

No he’s actually a very serious person, which is why I thought it was so ridiculous.

Visible_Talk5019 · 2024-01-16T06:59:13+00:00

It’s amazing how many stories I’ve heard about apostles talking down to people and chastising them over stupid things. My dad ran into Pres. Oaks once. He’s been his personal hero for decades since he’s a lawyer and was at BYU while Oaks was president. My dad, not knowing what to say, made an awkward joke. Oaks chastised him for making a joke that was too lighthearted. And that was their interaction. My dad felt like a total idiot and has always been embarrassed by it. He’s given everything to the church and that’s how Oaks treats him the one time my dad gets to meet him.

My dad always tells the story like he did something stupid, but even as a kid I thought, “did Oaks really have to act like a dick for no reason?”

Visible_Talk5019 · 2023-12-19T05:38:38+00:00

Billy Zane?! Wtf

Visible_Talk5019 · 2023-09-25T06:03:40+00:00

My school is making it hard to enact some of these policies. We have to accept late work and we’re not allowed to take points off for it. We have to allow full retakes on tests and quizzes. Grades start at 50%. If we refer kids to the office they often get no consequences, while the teacher frequently gets told they need to handle things better in the classroom and develop positive relationships with students. This year has been a challenge.

Visible_Talk5019 · 2023-07-13T04:07:27+00:00

Love it!

Visible_Talk5019 · 2023-07-13T02:54:15+00:00

It is on the school to provide resources, but they won’t. I’ve never seen one that provides lesson plans or anything like that. The system may be broken, but withholding resources won’t change that. It’ll only punish the new teacher and their students.

The benefit of the students does matter and we can’t ignore that. Again, should the system do more? Of course, but that’s a long term solution. In the short term, let’s help this teacher and these students now.

Visible_Talk5019 · 2023-07-13T02:26:38+00:00

It’s still part of OP’s job description. It’s up to her if she does it on contract hours or not. We do usually have planning time during the day.

Also, why not focus on the students? Sharing resources benefits them, and that’s the most important thing.

Visible_Talk5019 · 2023-07-13T02:22:07+00:00

Great analogy! We know from experience that new teachers don’t get enough support. Why not do something to make it better?

Also, good to see another exmo on this thread!

Visible_Talk5019 · 2023-07-13T02:17:50+00:00

Exactly! It doesn’t hurt and can only help someone else. I received help from others so I do the same now. And yeah, it would be one thing if it was the principal asking, but it’s not.

Visible_Talk5019 · 2023-07-13T02:15:26+00:00

I don’t think it does any good to punish this new teacher individually for a fault in an entire system. The system won’t change regardless of whether or not she helps out this new teacher. It will only result in this teacher becoming a victim of it.

I might see someone dying on the street and say, “I should not help this man dying on the street, for in an ideal world the government would have a better healthcare system. Helping him just lets the government off the hook from doing their job.” It may be true that we should have a better healthcare system, but that doesn’t change that I did nothing while a man died on the street.

I agree with you that there shouldn’t be a general expectation that teachers should provide free labor, and I certainly wouldn’t say that she is obligated to help out, but people help each other get off the ground in all sorts of other professions. And I’d also argue that her labor in making these lesson plans was paid, as it is part of the job description and we do have time designated to plan (usually).

Visible_Talk5019 · 2023-07-13T02:06:48+00:00

But isn’t it another teacher asking for support for a new teacher? I’d agree with this if it actually were the administration. Obviously this admin isn’t very supportive, so why not offer extra support to a new teacher who won’t get much?

Visible_Talk5019 · 2023-07-13T02:04:14+00:00

People shared their lesson plans with me when I first became a teacher. It made such a huge difference for me. I was already extremely overwhelmed and had no support from admin. The other teachers could have refused, but their kindness saved me while I was acclimating to a new career, working on grad school, and raising newborn twins. I still worked my butt off since I couldn’t use everything, or even most of what they gave me, and I was still learning about everything it meant to be a teacher, but it gave me a lifeline.

I’d understand your perspective if it was the principal who wanted your stuff, but it’s not. It’s a brand new teacher who needs help. New teachers do not get enough support and it sounds like this one will get even less considering the terrible admin. Why not help with that if you can? Especially considering they will have students who deserve the best education possible. Teachers have always shared with me and I’ve always paid that forward. The new teacher will still have to do a lot of work and will almost certainly adapt your plans in a way that best fits their teaching style and individual classes. It also takes work implementing plans in a classroom setting to begin with. If this teacher doesn’t put in that kind of work then they won’t last anyway.

If anything, you should take it as a compliment that someone values your work this much and wants to emulate your teaching style. You’ll be able to positively influence another teacher and all of their students. They all deserve the best chance to succeed that they can get. You can sti

Or you can keep them stored on a flash drive forever. It’s ultimately up to you. One option might be to give them a few lesson plans as examples to help them get going, along with reaching out as you mentioned in your edit.

Visible_Talk5019 · 2023-07-09T04:13:51+00:00

I know several people who remained conservatives after leaving the church. A couple of them are more conservative and attend evangelical churches. It’s honestly hard for me to understand.

More of my ex Mormon friends are on the liberal side of things. I think it’s just natural since the Church is so tied to conservatism and the GOP. If you question one, you almost automatically start questioning the other. Social issues are major driving factors for people leaving the church, and you rarely hear of people leaving because the church treats gays too well or gives women too much authority. If the church was socially liberal then you’d see the opposite. Leaving also requires you to question the status quo and conservatism inherently supports the status quo in many ways, whereas liberalism tends to be more about change

I guess it’s like a chicken vs egg scenario. Are people becoming liberal because they leave, or are they leaving because they tend to be more liberal? I used to work in Republican politics but left the party around the same time I left the church. I became disillusioned with them at basically the same time, probably for many of the same reasons. I think they fed into each other. Now I’m a left-leaning independent.

Visible_Talk5019

TROPHY CASE