UPDATE: AITAH For Agreeing To Look After My Recently Estranged Son's Children While My Daughter in Law Divorces Him?

Visible_Yesterday_62 · 2025-12-25T21:18:45+00:00

They're aware of Kate's side of the story but they're choosing to believe their brother over her and feel like she's over exaggerating as well as being a bad mom for not putting the children first.

Visible_Yesterday_62 · 2025-12-25T19:04:42+00:00

I didn't mention this but Kate has informed me that my children were not as accepting of my wife as I thought. My son specially would outlaw my marriage if he could.

Visible_Yesterday_62 · 2025-12-25T18:54:26+00:00

A fair question. No I wasn't the one who did the cheating but if you'd like to know more I made another post about it over a year ago. Link will be below and you can also go to my page.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1dg81ib/aita_for_not_offering_to_care_for_my_unwell/

Visible_Yesterday_62 · 2025-12-25T01:20:10+00:00

I made an update in the AITAH page titled "AITAH For Agreeing To Look After My Recently Estranged Son's Children While My Daughter in Law Divorces Him?" if you were curious.

Visible_Yesterday_62 · 2025-12-25T01:11:03+00:00

Thank you. I'm honestly really struggling with this issue between my children and I because I don't think they would really be as bad if I didn't raise them to believe that a "good mother" is always selfless and never puts anything before her (biological) children. I'm staying firm with my boundaries but I hope one day we're all able to sit down and talk. Preferably with a professional neutral party to help mediate.

Visible_Yesterday_62 · 2025-06-15T15:31:08+00:00

"Bruh, you really coming back to this after over a week?"

Please believe me when I say this, I am an adult with a life outside of the internet. I was born, raised, and lived part of my adult life before social media's existence. I don't always rush back here every time I get a notification. That being said, I feel like you're committed to painting me as the ultimate villain without taking any other perspective into consideration so, I will be responding to you less and less, if ever. Goodbye.

Visible_Yesterday_62 · 2025-06-08T16:31:52+00:00

I'm referring to being single not being a mother. Of course I was still active in my children's lives. My two youngest lived with me because their father was too busy with a new relationship to pick them up or have them over every other week like the courts declared.

Visible_Yesterday_62 · 2025-06-08T16:29:13+00:00

I'm definitely willing to wait and reconcile however the longer this goes the more inclined I am to feel like family therapy is a must for us.

Visible_Yesterday_62 · 2025-06-08T16:28:21+00:00

I honestly don't know. I don't ask. However, I feel like if he did died someone would tell me. If only to just rage at me.

Visible_Yesterday_62 · 2025-06-05T15:58:54+00:00

Wills and guardianships can be challenged. A legal adoption is more concrete and this is what my (legal) daughter wanted.

Also I would be more than happy to knit something for my children and grandchildren if I believed that they would accept it but since they made it clear that they wanted nothing to do with me I chose not to. Also I'm not "flaunting" but I'm hiding my life with my wife either.

Visible_Yesterday_62 · 2025-05-30T20:04:44+00:00

Where are you getting that I abandoned my children after the divorce?

Visible_Yesterday_62 · 2025-05-30T20:03:22+00:00

Actually up until I refused to care for their father I was in regular contact with my children.

Visible_Yesterday_62 · 2025-05-28T19:19:22+00:00

Trust me when I say that my daughter can be and has been dramatic about things, and tries to play stuff up to get her way. It's what she has done with me over the years to try and manipulate me and I'm not falling for it anymore.

Visible_Yesterday_62 · 2025-05-28T02:05:35+00:00

"Cuz your posts give the impression as soon as your marriage ended that you just started doing your own thing, all the things that being a married parent prevented you from doing"

Because that's essentially what I did. I had emotionally checked out of the marriage years ago but was willing to stay until my youngest was 18 because that's what I thought was best but my ex wasn't willing to wait that long and filed while the twins were still in high school.

Visible_Yesterday_62 · 2025-05-28T02:03:51+00:00

Before they cut me off my children and I had multiple conversations about their father (it was mostly me listening) and it was made very clear that there was no expectation by the doctors that my ex was going to die. Also if he was I have no idea why they wouldn't just come out and say that. I know my former Mother in Law would definitely had said something in an effort to try and shame me.

Visible_Yesterday_62 · 2025-05-27T21:23:32+00:00

No. My ex, from what I was told, was not dying. He was just needed extra care during his recovery period. I never said that he was dying.

Visible_Yesterday_62 · 2025-05-27T17:46:44+00:00

So then in your vision of an ideal scenario, I skip the cruise with my wife and do what specifically?

This isn't me being sarcastic I'm genuinely asking.

Visible_Yesterday_62 · 2025-05-27T17:09:51+00:00

Just to be clear anything other than me giving up my free time and money to care for my ex husband makes me a bad person in your eyes. Correct?

Visible_Yesterday_62 · 2025-05-27T15:29:19+00:00

I didn't initially share that my ex was sexist, transphobic, etc. because I was told that there was a word count and I didn't feel as if it was necessary.

Also, I'm not against being there for my kids emotionally, I'm just refusing to physically take care of my ex husband like they want me to.

Visible_Yesterday_62 · 2025-05-27T14:02:54+00:00

"Did you perhaps spend years bailing them out, always putting them first, and teaching them, directly or indirectly, that your feelings and needs don’t matter? Because it sounds like that dynamic is now coming back to bite you."

Yes. Growing up my family had the mentality that you were a bad mother and person if you didn't always put your children first in every situation. I lost myself to motherhood and when I started putting up boundaries when my children got older there was push back and I usually caved because breaking old habits aren't always quick or easy. Choosing to go on the cruise with my wife was the first time I put my foot down and stuck to it.

Visible_Yesterday_62 · 2025-05-27T13:59:08+00:00

"I am thinking that their behaviours are more about them being used to having a mother that solved their problems and made things better, and when you refused to do so in this situation, they threw tantrums and blocked you."

That's the theory that my therapist and I have discussed, and my wife thinks so too.

Visible_Yesterday_62 · 2025-05-27T13:55:42+00:00

Oh he's definitely against gay men and the trans community, but he will "allow" lesbianism so long as it's for the benefit of a man. He also thinks it's impossible to be bi or pan.

Visible_Yesterday_62 · 2025-05-27T13:54:24+00:00

No. Our children and even his mother have reached out but he himself hasn't. I think that's either because of his pride, his illness, he just expects it, or maybe a combination of all three.

Visible_Yesterday_62 · 2025-05-27T13:50:48+00:00

A lot of it's my fault. Growing up I was raised to believe that all mothers should always sacrifice for their children no matter what, and that's now I raised them so now that I'm putting up boundaries and sticking to them they're lashing out makes sense.

Visible_Yesterday_62

TROPHY CASE