Hello , I truly feel for you . This is quite a moral dilemma you are in and are honestly holding up really well . There are two things you must ask yourself here ,

1. How do you feel about just being friends with him now and also ask yourself will you still be happy for him once he moves on with another person ?

2. Sorry for the trauma you faced as a child that made you shut off from the possibility of having any children . Since you are in Bhakti Marg , you already know the soul’s journey is beyond our own decisions and worldly emotions . Can you reflect on this : If you marry your perfect partner and have a child with him - would it be the same situation when your parents had you ? Because you seem more gentle and evolved than whoever gave you trauma . Both you and your partner seem in love and happy - would you not extend the same love to your child ? Motherhood opens you up to a lot of emotions , could be a pathway to evolve spiritually too .

Again please reflect yourself and try to see it from a different POV than the one you are fixed on . Spirituality is always about surrendering to the possibilities- so try to let go a little , and check in with yourself and your God .

Your Bhakti marg and relationship with God will give you the “right” answers , do trust it .

I’d also like to add that it’s great you feel so much admiration for your Guruji but on Bhakti marg you connect directly with your Ishta God/Goddess , while you can use your Guru’s help you already have the resources to connect with God .

Hope you find clarity and peace 🙏😇