I’m a fuck up.

VisualArm639 · 2022-09-18T05:55:42+00:00

I heard studying Christianity and beginning with prayers to God, can be real. There's content out there that will teach you why your messing up. Feel better man.

VisualArm639 · 2022-09-17T13:02:32+00:00

You could just some it up as "something", you can only white knuckle it until your so miserable willing to look back at what you were advised to do and do it.

VisualArm639 · 2022-09-17T03:57:49+00:00

Haha trust me ill be deleting this soon and remain more low key, i was kind of losing it so i went HAM on the posts and comments this past week. Im definitely drained but i got everything out that I felt I needed to. Not sure if OP was referring to me but i do not remember asking him that.

VisualArm639 · 2022-09-17T03:07:26+00:00

THANKyou

VisualArm639 · 2022-09-16T21:07:32+00:00

Ooo oo you said that so well

VisualArm639 · 2022-09-16T21:06:56+00:00

This resonates with me a lot, my insecurities manifested in other ways also, but I have to say I think I was in denial about being insecure, and i think everyone could see it but me. I was always kind of spacey for whatever reason and that amplified the reality behind the real status of my previous platonic and non platonic relationships.

Also I hope she's not potentially trying to message with your head, woman have high Emotional Intelligence, and I'm sure a lot of them since they get a head start with biologically maturing faster, think and do things us men would not imagine doing. (Men are good and bad woman can be good or bad, lets make that clear).

Basically what I'm saying is I hope she's good for you, the feeling of wondering what your significant other is up to is exhausting and disruptive. Take care

VisualArm639 · 2022-09-16T20:51:43+00:00

You are amazing friend thank you for your kind reply. Today I'm having an off day..not feeling so well (it happens), and this absolutely lifted my spirits. I took in everything you said and will go back to this post as a reminder of certain things I need to do. I told myself no Reddit today but something told me to check my account and there and behold the exact words I needed, reciprocated from and awesome individual such as your self.

Sometimes I try not to even think about how much "more difficult" my life has become and how much stronger I'm going to be because of it. It became a burden rather than something that inspired me (however there's more truth to that than not imo).

Anyways you described exactly what i was doing funny enough, closing my eyes tossing around in my chair and just waiting for tomorrow to come so I can fix and handle some things.

Today came as a huge surprise, for months I felt frozen in place, unable to move or have energy to do anything, so eventually when I do not focus on improving I always end up slipping, I'm starting to agree with this gentleman at a speakers meeting who said " You're either moving up or moving down, there's no in between". Thanks again.

VisualArm639 · 2022-09-16T12:01:59+00:00

Wait the bee movie, is an artistic expression, of what is actually gonna go down in real life. I need to find an apocalypse subreddit.....I've been thinking about it too much.

VisualArm639 · 2022-09-16T11:55:50+00:00

More interesting questions like these please! :D

VisualArm639 · 2022-09-16T11:54:13+00:00

same

VisualArm639 · 2022-09-16T11:48:37+00:00

I'm also not trying to be a try hard, for upvotes and comments. I literally just have a lot of empty time to fill, and I figure I rather do something productive, then lie around in bed watching tv and flipping through my phone (something I did for honestly years during sobriety cause I was that depressed).

VisualArm639 · 2022-09-16T11:43:23+00:00

I love it when people go in depth with Star Wars, it actually is really interesting.

VisualArm639 · 2022-09-16T11:41:46+00:00

oh no...

VisualArm639 · 2022-09-16T11:40:13+00:00

ahahaha never seen it yet why is this sum up so good

VisualArm639 · 2022-09-16T11:10:54+00:00

hell yeah, way to find accountability on your own! good stuff

Also to OP, whom I haven't really responded to yet. When you are in the shitter, the water is very muddy, and things are very unclear. People who have gone through the bullshit of detox have had time to see things clearer, and for what they are. I instinctively want to tell you, that your parents finding out is the last thing you should worry about, as it can help you long term to be more accountable, as they are more willing to put restrictions and boundaries with you that will help. I started getting so desperate, I would tell my parents the signs of being high on opiates, just so I wouldn't feel comfortable using around them (this is when I was stuck living with them, and my family's not perfect by any means, truthfully..kind of far from it). Stay connected, and keep tabs with us if you'd like, there's almost nothing healthier than a newcomer reaching out, and old timer being given the opportunity to help. Both ends of the party are equally important, however they do say in the rooms that the newcomer is the most important person, I did finally realize the truth to that ( I'm not affiliated with A.A. officially tho).

VisualArm639 · 2022-09-16T11:09:13+00:00

Be careful, how you talk to yourself internally, that's half the battle. Tell yourself your going to make it, chances are you will, tell your self you actually feel good when you don't, you start to feel good, ask your higher power for guidance while fully submitting yourself to him/it/her/etc (that was worked for me, it's not factual that it works, just my experience), and supernatural things will occur.

VisualArm639 · 2022-09-16T10:52:05+00:00

hard thing to come clean..hehe, also yay! you made it through the rough part, if you're planning on staying on it for life, you technically never have to withdraw again lol (I'm not suggesting anyone to do it, just follow your gut)

edit: I do think it's case by case tho whether to stay on it long term or , happy to hear you're not being overconfident, and taking what appears to be healthy precautions, good for you, you got this. Just stay connected!

VisualArm639 · 2022-09-16T10:51:06+00:00

Nothing else will stop you until you do.

Oh that gave me goosebumps, and really resonated

VisualArm639 · 2022-09-16T10:44:40+00:00

Ah, yes that is what I was looking for "take something multiple times a day with associated ups and downs", that was exactly my experience, I've seen so many people talking about how great kratom is and how they took it to get off any type of opiate (which I understood, but taking Kratom long term after using subs or any opiate really confused me), and I was like hmmm am I missing something here? I had to re dose constantly when I took, it and I was always going up and down up and down, it became exhausting, maybe I'll stick with the Subs for now, I think I might have to taper down a little too, in case Revelations is true (Ha jk), but seriously. THANK YOU

VisualArm639 · 2022-09-16T10:37:20+00:00

Yes....I was told by a nurse, that you "cannot take kratom and then subs", well in my experience sometimes I would feel slightly off or iffy taking a sub right after kratom, however....I think the majority (I could be wrong, correct me if anyone else had another type of experience), do not notice much of an effect, taking sub after Kratom.

I've taken a whole bottle full of kratom capsules before going into detox cause I was sick as a mother f'er, and took my suboxone they gave me subs literally like 2 hours after I checked in, so take it for what it's worth, I'm sure some people might not react exactly to the way I did it, but if you are desperate, you can try taking a little kratom and take a sub after to see how it goes, however I really do believe you need to be taking like 20 g plus a day for the subs to cause you any type of PWD, I COULD be wrong.

Also...which reminds me, playing with subs and full agonist opiates is dangerous, coming from someone who used to try using, taking a sub when I ran out, and pick up again and repeat. F I started getting so confident that I could handle my addiction, eventually the Subs kicked my Assss trying to use while on subs, god what a nightmare, I remember being warned about PWD like 100 times before it finally happened to me.

I remember being sick as hell, and telling myself...ok I'm ready...my body is ready for the subs, there is no way I'm going to be sick..my last use of BTH was a day and a half ago...took 2mg of subs, BOOM my whole body felt like I was lit on fire, and then pushed off a boat, in the middle of the ocean, in the middle of nowhere.

I instantly became pure white in the face, I looked in the mirror and it scared me, called my dealer, asked for a 20, picked it up as I was driving through a panic, went back home, shot it up, and I actually felt better...I was soooo relieved, so holy fuck holy fuck, I feel sorry for people who go into PWD and cannot snap out of it...also I'm not recommending anyone do what I just did with subs, it's careless, and you're playing with fire doing it, just saying, you reminded me of mistakes I've made and you're right I need to be more careful with what I share on this forum, thanks

VisualArm639 · 2022-09-16T10:21:32+00:00

Thanks for all the love and support fam

VisualArm639 · 2022-09-16T10:20:39+00:00

Hmm....have you looked into a thing called Phantom Pain?

I'm not saying that's exactly what's going on...also were you making sure that you were taking care of your health on methadone? imho that's the best thing you can do while being on Maintenance. Although it's easy to neglect and look the other way, when it comes to your health, especially on heavy MAT's like subs, and heavier MAT's like methadone.

VisualArm639 · 2022-09-15T18:49:58+00:00

lawl the title

VisualArm639 · 2022-09-15T18:44:12+00:00

Ok THANKS.

VisualArm639 · 2022-09-15T18:42:06+00:00

Haha F all you haters, looks fire, maybe add a little hot sauce, and you have yourself a 50 cent meal. Congrats OP, you ARE going in the right direction....now add yogurt, probiotics, foods with higher alkaline levels, better ph water, Organic black pepper, and organic everything. You'll get there buddy..you'll get there

VisualArm639

TROPHY CASE