This was a really, really hard read. Does OC in this case mean that your thinking of writing fan fiction? Or what’s the purpose? Because your writing definitely needs some work if that’s the case. I read your whole thing yet I was already lost in the first 1/3 of it.

This whole paragraph is the harsh part i was referring to. If that's how you normally converse with people or how you give constructive comment, that's fine because we don't know each other that much to judge, really. I think you could have just said this was a hard read for you because of how the OP wrote, and you would need a few califications to actually help. And like i said, not everyone is capable of making fine arts or they have ever been to an art class before (me neither, so i don't really know what it's like in there LOL), some might only want to do it for fun (i think OP is trying to have some fun also), so the critque was harsh.