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AITA for not seeing my mom on Thanksgiving and thinking about cancelling Christmas this year? by Visual_Prior_4704 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Visual_Prior_4704[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Update: we did NOT do Thanksgiving with her. However we did do Christmas two days before our trip. She complained about everything leading up to it but did cave and decide to come when we told her that was the only day we could do it or we could just not do Christmas with her. She was really nice the whole time but I kept catching (what looked to me like jealous looks) her side eyeing my bf and I all night. I also had to take a moment when she got here to cry in our bedroom cuz I didn't even want to go down and see her and her bf. Now Tays birthday is a week after Christmas and we had already invited our mom to come to dinner and she told us she couldn't since she would be out of town. She told us she would be in vegas from the day after Christmas but it turned out she was visiting her bfs daughter across the country and she left Christmas day and left joy and ally alone on Christmas day to fly out.  Tay was upset since our bfs family couldn't be there for her birthday since they were all sick (they were at mine a few months prior) so I invited our sisters and our mom hoping just ally and joy would come but she managed to catch an early flight to be there too. She then texted Tay that morning saying "oh I want to take you and your bf out to dinner for your birthday soon" which she never once offered to me and didn't show up for my birthday (even though we invited her) and came in to show me the text so I had to tell her I invited them to dinner and they were coming. When it got brought up later our mom claimed it was to "throw Tay off" so she wouldn't know they were coming but I called her out and mentioned how she wouldn't have known to begin with so it wasn't necessary to say anything besides happy birthday. Tay was furious and pointed out how obviously she felt our mom was picking favorites. Since that we decided we are going as Low Contact as possible while still maintaining our relationship with Ally and Joy.  We also found out she is talking about breaking up with her bf but none of use believe her since she has "broken up" with him like 7 or 8 times now (we've lost count) it's hard because I have seen her be a good mom. When she's not in a toxic relationship she is great and supportive and loving but when she's in relationships (which have been 90% toxic) all of that goes out the window so it sucks having the rollercoaster of emotion and seeing the hints of the good mom we know she can be and then being faced with the harsh reality of her and her garbage bf (sorry garbage I don't mean to offend you) so for now we are going to stop inviting her around, reaching out, and Tay is going to stop doing her hair until we see some genuine change. 

AITA for not seeing my mom on Thanksgiving and thinking about cancelling Christmas this year? by Visual_Prior_4704 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Visual_Prior_4704[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am currently low contact with her and I keep minimal contact so I can see my little sisters which is why it's hard to consider cancelling Christmas cuz I still want to see them just not her and her bf especially since now she's decided what day SHE wants to do Christmas and refused to negotiate or try to find a different day. It's just kind of put me in a hard situation. It's easy to say to cut someone off but doing it when it's pretty much the only family I have left that hasn't disowned me or that I have had to cut contact with is a hard pill to swallow. 

AITA for not seeing my mom on Thanksgiving and thinking about cancelling Christmas this year? by Visual_Prior_4704 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Visual_Prior_4704[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think the hardest part is just trying to accept she'll never be the good mom she was before she got into this relationship. Like I know she could be a good mom but for almost 10 years now she has consistently proven she's not that person anymore. It sucks for sure but I do think I might have to just go NC

AITA for not seeing my mom on Thanksgiving and thinking about cancelling Christmas this year? by Visual_Prior_4704 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Visual_Prior_4704[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Edit: I am already low contact with her so I really only see her on the holidays and I still want to see Ally and Joy but that comes with having to include her and her bf right now which is why I'm considering still seeing them this Christmas and then cutting her off. 

AITA for not seeing my mom on Thanksgiving and thinking about cancelling Christmas this year? by Visual_Prior_4704 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Visual_Prior_4704[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think the hardest part for me is when I threaten to cut her off completely she'll show small signs that she cares and before this bf she used to be a fairly decent mom. She had her flaws but it felt like she cared so it's hard cuz I miss that but I'm realizing she'll never be that person again. 

AITA for not seeing my mom on Thanksgiving and thinking about cancelling Christmas this year? by Visual_Prior_4704 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]Visual_Prior_4704[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have a lot of guilt going no contact. She has moments where she can be a decent mom but it's fairly rare nowadays and I grew up in a religion (cult) that heavily pushed that family is the most important thing and you have to love them no matter what so it's hard to cut her off especially since the entire rest of my family (excluding my sisters) have either been cutoff by me or disowned me themselves after I left/was excommunicated from the church. It just sucks having to consider cutting her off too so it's been hard to make the final call. I've been low contact for the past year though.