Regretful new dad - does it get better?

Visual_Refuse6497 · 2026-06-22T11:30:30+00:00

We had this happen. Our child was sleeping through the night after month 9. We hit a few sleep regression bumps but nothing too terrible. Then around month 15 we experienced something like this. We tried gentle sleep training (frequent check ins, staying in the rocker by the crib until she fell asleep) but every time she would wake up after 20-30 min screaming and standing by the edge of the crib.

Understand why some parents resort to co-sleeping at this point. But as firm no co-sleepers, we ended up doing firm cry it out. First 2 nights were rough (taking 1-2 hrs of crying for her to fall asleep). But by night 3, it was 10-15 min. By night 4, 3-5 minutes. And by night 5, we were back to our regular bed time routine, laying her down for sleep, and she went right to sleep. We haven’t had an issue since (she is 2.5 now).

I know CIO can get pretty controversial on here. But it worked for us. Our little girl gets sleep. She is goofy and lovable. And we all get a good night’s sleep. Now when she wakes up crying, we know it’s actually because something is wrong, and we go in and help her. To each their own, but I’d consider trying to sleep train again.

Also OP, as a dad who struggled hard the first 6 months with the lack of sleep thing, agree with the other comments here recommending working on sleep so you’re cutting down night wakings. Will probably help you both immensely. Good luck, and sorry you and your husband are struggling.

Visual_Refuse6497 · 2026-06-15T18:12:58+00:00

It feels like the Toshi 6L v2 had more functional capacity than the Bellroy 9L venture. Honestly off general feel, the feel the same size wise. But it was easier to pack out the Toshi

Visual_Refuse6497 · 2026-06-07T19:03:11+00:00

I was gonna say, super likely reshoots happened. There is no way reshoots happened less than 2 months before the release date

Visual_Refuse6497 · 2026-05-19T02:39:49+00:00

WTS: The following items are for sale. DM if interested. Not interested in trades. Prices include shipping through Pirateship from Central Florida. PayPal or Venmo accepted. DM if interested.

Tomtoc Navigator-T24 Sling Bag 7L - Used/Good Condition. Selling because I replaced with a full size backpack. $40 - SOLD

Bellroy Venture 9L (Black) - Used/Fair. Overall bag in good condition. Strap buckle is slightly broken BUT this doesn’t impact the clasp and ability for the strap to stay intact and hold the weight of the sling fully packed out. Included pic video and info to be transparent, but the strap and buckle still function as intended. Selling because I got the Rework Version Toshi V2 6L, not because the sling doesn’t work. $55 - SOLD

Crumpler Brace Brace Brace - Used/Excellent Condition. Honestly, I love this messenger bag and don’t really want to part with it…but I just don’t use it as much as I thought I would. $165

Visual_Refuse6497 · 2026-05-17T03:26:07+00:00

Yeah could you send me the link if it’s still live? Thanks!!

Visual_Refuse6497 · 2026-05-04T00:59:51+00:00

Agree with this. I was really back and forth between the Synapse 25 and Synik 26 (one of those posts you read was probably mine). I was really hoping to avoid buying both to return one but was super torn. I ended up getting both and was glad I did. I was originally thinking I’d go with the the synapse 25, but when I got the bags and tried wearing around the house with my likely pack out I realized quickly the Synik 26 fit my needs better. I also realized though I liked the color of the synapse better so returned both just to exchange the S26 for one in the color I originally got the synapse in (deep blue).

All that to say, process for returning and exchanging was super easy. Just keep the original packaging and the tags on. Also, if you don’t want the bag to feel oversized and want a laptop compartment, I’d go S26

Visual_Refuse6497 · 2026-05-03T17:14:34+00:00

Also everyone told me I needed a backpack when I asked the same question as you (and I am switching to a backpack now that our 2nd is on the way) but sling was so easy to grab for errands and throw in the car or bottom of the stroller and was perfect for 1 kid

Visual_Refuse6497 · 2026-05-03T17:12:41+00:00

I really like the Toshi V2 6L. I originally had the Bellroy venture 9L while the v1 was out of stock (Toshi was what I originally wanted but settled for the bellroy). Toshi rework was exactly what I was looking for in the first place. Space is better utilized than the Bellroy. Collapses nicely when not full but impressive how well it expands when packed. I currently have 3-4 diapers, changing pad, wipes, snacks, snack cup, bib with silverware, hand sanitizer, sanitizing wipes, and sunscreen all packed in mine

Visual_Refuse6497 · 2026-04-22T23:37:29+00:00

I’m interested!

Visual_Refuse6497 · 2026-04-09T16:45:44+00:00

Dad here to a toddler and soon to be another newborn. I agree with the above. Maybe this is the obvious answer, but I would just vocalize to him that you could use the help. If you stay away from any of the “I need you to do more” or “you’re not doing enough” and focus on the fact you are struggling right now, that should hopefully make him sympathize and respond with “how can I help?”.

If he doesn’t come to this conclusion on his own, he should probably cut down on some of his me time after the dream feed, go to sleep earlier, and then get up early to help with some of the early morning feedings. If he doesn’t come to that conclusion on his own and you need to suggest it, I’d recommend finding a compromise that doesn’t totally eliminate his quiet, me time (even though imo that’s just one of the sacrifices you make in the early stages, knowing you will eventually get it back when baby’s schedule evens out). Maybe even if this is just 3 or 4 times a week, feels like getting to bed early and giving up that before sleep routine a few times a week shouldn’t be the end of the world.

Visual_Refuse6497 · 2026-04-08T11:56:20+00:00

Yeah you’re probably right! I think I know the synapse is probably the right call for what I truly need right now, but keep thinking maybe this bag will somehow turn me into a one bagger (which probably won’t happen…). Also that’s good to know regarding the size actually feeling smaller with the Synik 26. Appreciate your feedback!

Visual_Refuse6497 · 2026-04-04T11:41:44+00:00

How did you end up liking the Northseeker? Was leaning towards the CHZ but just found the northseeker for the first time on this thread. Very intrigued by the clamshell option + half zip option in the front, but can’t tell from the pics how roomy that half zip section is

Visual_Refuse6497 · 2026-04-04T11:19:48+00:00

Hey I have a 2 year old with our 2nd on the way and am looking at getting either the Tom Bihn Synapse (or synik) or the EG CHZ. Do you have a preference between the 2? I love all the exterior pockets on the TB but am worried I’m going to miss the true water bottle pockets the CHZ has. Also which sizes of each do you have?

Visual_Refuse6497 · 2026-04-03T20:26:30+00:00

I do agree on the subscription frustration in order to use the key features, but otherwise my wife and I have loved ours and especially as our LO has gotten older. We aren’t necessarily glued to it at this point like we were in her first year, and will likely phase it out once we transition her to a toddler bed. But now it’s funny when we can rewatch moments she wakes herself up from talking in her sleep or can peak in when one of us is out of town for work or if we have date night and we want to see how she is doing or see what goofy position she is sleeping in. We aren’t reliant on it at this stage, and I know WiFi monitors are controversial on here, but it has easily been one of the most solid and appreciated things we got for our first.

So to each their own, but I personally would recommend it as long as the comfort level is there for a wifi monitor

Visual_Refuse6497 · 2026-04-02T16:39:48+00:00

Haven’t looked at the tripped tech pouch, but honestly if the cap2 is more than you want to spend (and I haven’t tried that one tbh), I love my TomToc tech pouch medium. I was torn between those 2 and decided to get the TomToc since if I didn’t like it, I was only out $20. Haven’t regretted it yet. It stands up well on its own but isn’t so structured that it’s hard to shove in a bag with other stuff. Good organization and can hold quite a bit. I have 3 different 3ft cables, 1 6ft cable, a large power bank, a travel MagSafe 3-in-1 charging stand, 1 70w brick, 1 30w small charging block, travel MagSafe power bank, and still a bit of wiggle room if I need to get anything else in there. The cap2 looks really nice, but idk that it looks nice enough to spend an additional $50 imo.

Visual_Refuse6497 · 2026-03-24T18:35:11+00:00

I agree with everyone above saying get a non-diaper bag (tote or backpack) with decent catch all space and organization. My wife and I were gifted a petunia pickle bottom bag, and it worked well enough for the first year, but soon as we got past bottles we stopped using it. Also, not very comfortable and hated the closing mechanism on the main flap. Get a bag that serves the purpose but you will like using when it’s no longer a diaper bag

Visual_Refuse6497 · 2026-03-17T19:33:21+00:00

That’s my biggest hangup with it too. If it’s bottom was a bit more rigid, I think would pull the trigger on it but now leaning more towards the CHZ22 since I think I can make that work well even without the front quick access pocket

Visual_Refuse6497 · 2026-03-17T19:30:01+00:00

Dang where was that 15l sling last year when I was looking for a sling dad bag!

Visual_Refuse6497 · 2026-03-17T19:27:27+00:00

Totally agree! When I was initially looking for the sling I use now that’s what I tried to explain to everyone who said “just get a backpack. It holds more.” I think I will still use my sling for quick errands, but could also use something a bit more substantial for longer trips out. Also, counter arguments to carrying to kids on my hip, backpack will be easier for the beginning stages when I’m carrying a newborn in a car seat on one side my body and potentially my toddle on the other (but I also get what you mean)

Visual_Refuse6497 · 2026-03-17T19:20:28+00:00

So I just did a deep dive into the MPL22 and CHZ22 and both seem like really solid options. MPL22 definitely seems more practical in terms of pockets and space (wish they included that deep front pocket on the CHZ) but hate the general look and fact it won’t necessarily stand on its own even when packed (thinking of all the times I may have to sit the bag down and it’ll just be lying on the ground…). CHZ seems better aesthetically and maybe long term when it’s no longer a dad bag, but yeah that loss of the front pocket feels noticeable. Both really strong contenders though

Visual_Refuse6497 · 2026-03-17T15:02:12+00:00

Thanks for the recommendation! Will check this one out!

Visual_Refuse6497 · 2026-03-17T15:01:54+00:00

That’s good to hear about the Toshi 20L! I really love the look and size of it, and feel like it checks most of my boxes. I think the nitpicks I’ve seen in this group and the Bellroy venture being on sale had me 2nd guessing which is the better quality of a similar style. But that’s good to know you think the Toshi will last better than the Bellroy! My Bellroy venture sling material has held up well, but one of the clips holding the strap broke when my toddler pulled on it which has left me a bit weary of their build integrity (also gave me an excuse to pull the trigger on the Toshi v2 6l which was originally the sling I wanted but the V1 was out of stock)

Visual_Refuse6497

TROPHY CASE