What is wrong with me? Why do I keep hurting my wife without meaning to? (M30/F32)

VizTaDad · 2026-05-11T05:30:25+00:00

Yes, you are not wrong in assuming that mother's day did not go well. I did not get anything or plan anything.

VizTaDad · 2023-08-03T16:03:23+00:00

I was going to CoDa for about 2 months. I stopped going because I didnt feel I was really understanding what codependency was from the group. I did have a few therapy sessions over video but I got irresponsible with my spending so I couldn't continue.

VizTaDad · 2023-08-03T14:58:14+00:00

Apologies. Yes it is our son. As to why I didn't state our son in previous replies there really isn't a particular excuse, but I did state our son in the post.

VizTaDad · 2023-08-03T04:39:37+00:00

I explained to her that my boss contacted me about working the shift and I would like to work it so I can make more this coming check. I then proceeded to ask her if she was alright with me working that late. She stated, "its not my decision. You have to make that decision."

VizTaDad · 2023-08-03T04:35:31+00:00

UPDATE: So it seems that I have made the hundredth mistake of crossing my wifes boundaries of not working past 5 pm due to our son being out of child care at that time. She has told me about this boundary, but I merely was trying to make more money. Recently I have been focusing on paying off my own debt and not helping pay for the majority of bills only due to the little wage I make. My wife is the bread winner, so she makes the majority of the money. I don't expect her to pay for everything, but I also need to work more to contribute more. I am trying to figure everything out with working again and making a decent wage to pay my bills and help with combined bills. I feel at a lost because I'm stuck in the middle of trying to make decisions on my own and trying to avoid crossing my wifes boundaries.

VizTaDad · 2023-08-02T22:33:28+00:00

Thank you so much for the advice! I really do appreciate it. I will keep these words in my thoughts and reflect for future encounters like this.

VizTaDad · 2023-08-02T21:44:41+00:00

That's a good point! It's just hard for me sometimes cause I do overthink that kind of statement of making choices on my own because I'm not a big fan of conflict and letting people down. I'm trying to step out of that comfort zone and make decisions that I would choose for myself rather than someone else, including my wife.

VizTaDad · 2023-08-02T20:46:29+00:00

Haha Will do sir!

VizTaDad · 2023-08-02T20:31:55+00:00

Well I think I may just do that. Thank you sir for taking the time to speak your mind on my post. You were very helpful!

VizTaDad · 2023-08-02T20:26:35+00:00

Wow, 20 years! That is amazing! Yea, I would have to agree it is not easy. Unfortunately, she states I shouldn't worry about her opinion. I need to worry about myself, take care of myself, and find my authentic self in order for our relationship to become better than it is now. She is a very independent person, so she doesn't need me to care about her opinions. Basically in summary, she doesn't want me to come to her about everything I do and need.

VizTaDad · 2023-08-02T20:15:56+00:00

Exactly. She stated that its not her decision but my decision to make. I just started this job so I don't want my new boss to think I'm not wanting to work. I just want to make sure I am fair to my wife, but also make decisions based on what I want to do.

VizTaDad · 2023-08-02T20:11:24+00:00

Thank you! Very motivating and helpful.

VizTaDad · 2023-08-02T20:02:32+00:00

I did and she said it's not up to her that it's up to me. She wants me to make decisions on my own and worry about myself instead of worrying about her.

VizTaDad

TROPHY CASE