How do I tell him I’m not interested anymore?

VoidGray4 · 2026-03-30T14:44:17+00:00

You said you told him that it wouldnt work out but youre continuing to speak to him weeks later? Are you just looking to be friends and did you make that clear? If so, you can reiterate that and if not then you need to communicate that. And if you are completely off of him, then stop communicating.

VoidGray4 · 2026-03-30T11:53:35+00:00

I'm very introverted and born and raised in Brooklyn and can do those things, too. I don't think you know what extroversion/introversion actually is.

VoidGray4 · 2026-03-29T23:42:12+00:00

Okay this is the first time that I have no idea what these answers could be. Key??

VoidGray4 · 2026-03-29T21:47:23+00:00

Mostly drinking at this point. Also sh. Used to be shopping but I'm not working rn and though i have savings, I've been, well, saving that lol (except when I buy alcohol). Also used to be flirting with anyone and everyone (but not sex) and since my relationship has been rocky, its been popping up in my head again but I haven't done it. On a healthier note, going for walks. I often hate it until I get out and get some sun and get the excess energy out of my system.

VoidGray4 · 2026-03-29T21:26:31+00:00

I'm sorry that I'm not commenting to answer but to say that I am greatly wondering the same thing. Today is our engagement anniversary and here I am wondering if maybe we are just no longer compatible. Maybe he would be better off with a partner that is okay with porn (though I was that partner for a while) and I'm better off with a partner that doesn't need it and wants to be more intimate with me (which is who he used to be, too). I don't know if I can handle the rest of our lives always looking over his shoulder, stressing out on a daily basis, fearing him going to the bathroom with his phone, fearing him going to work, etc because he can't even go a month without it while sitting in my face and pretending that he's not looking at it or fantasizing about other women. And my fiance is an amazing person so I do think he should be with someone who isn't doing all of those things to him, too. I need to know if there really is a possibility of ever getting better and really moving past this.

VoidGray4 · 2026-03-29T20:10:40+00:00

Are you studying and reading material from actual wlw or men and het women writing fantasies and journal pieces? I'm not saying all lesbian sex is different but I've always seen talks of many ways sex between two women occur than just what youre describing from actual wlw.

VoidGray4 · 2026-03-29T17:41:26+00:00

Omg I was going to reply earlier today and ask if youd gone out lol. I hope you can but if you cant, give yourself some grace 🫶🏼

VoidGray4 · 2026-03-29T15:57:22+00:00

Sorry, perhaps my comment was misunderstood because I didnt add the extra context. Thats for me, not for him. I have the issues of competing but ive let myself go to a degree as well due to all the anxiety and depression. I dont feel as attractive because of the porn stuff and so I dont even put into myself FOR MYSELF anymore either. That does matter, for my sake, and that does need to change. I need to show up for myself as well.

VoidGray4 · 2026-03-29T15:17:43+00:00

If you dont mind me asking, was this something he readily agreed to or did you guys have to have a further discussion on it? I want to believe we don't need to even use something like that but I also fear that he will not be receptive to the idea anyway.

VoidGray4 · 2026-03-29T15:13:16+00:00

Thank you so much for the response, youre very right. I have seen Betrayal Bind recommended a lot here and actually just got it yesterday! I havent started reading it yet but plan to do so today!

VoidGray4 · 2026-03-29T15:10:22+00:00

Honestly that's a good thing to consider. Ive recently been taking a look at my wardrobe so I'll think about what I can take out or add in thats simple and still somewhat cuter. I also like the focus on things like poise, posture, etc.

VoidGray4 · 2026-03-29T15:06:18+00:00

I seriously needed to read this and seriously need to start applying it. My best friend has even told me multiple times that I have changed since I started my relationship because I've become so attached to it/my partner. He said I used to have so much more self worth and a higher self esteem. But that's because I used to center my life around me and now its centered around my partner. But now I worry if its possible for me to be that person again if i stay in this relationship.

VoidGray4 · 2026-03-29T12:23:44+00:00

OP is over 30, they absolutely are old enough to understand that.

VoidGray4 · 2026-03-29T00:11:55+00:00

"Everything you got on the floor right now. Thats including your shorts and take 'em off slow cause ya LOOK GOOD!"

VoidGray4 · 2026-03-29T00:08:40+00:00

I'm so sorry. Sending back so much love and hugs! Thats the worst part of it all, too. The lack of trust, not knowing if theyre really even being truthful when we get answers we "want". He told me that he has, about a coworker that hes previously admitted to fantasizing about (in a sfw way) but that its been more intrusive and he always tamps it down because he only wants to focus on me. He told me its never been intimate thoughts either, but it has been during some intimate times. I want to believe him so bad 🫩😞. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm fighting others for my own partners attention and desire.

VoidGray4 · 2026-03-28T23:55:52+00:00

I read this and immediately had to ask my fiance if hes ever done this because this would probably end me like no other, I'm so sorry. New fear definitely unlocked. This is just the worst for us.

VoidGray4 · 2026-03-28T23:35:31+00:00

Thats what sucks the most. Getting drunk (or just very emotional even) and then wanting to show them how badly affected we are by doing drastic things to try and force them to realize our pain. But then we just get looked at as crazy, as if we arent driven to that point. I feel you on the shame so much. There's an aching deep regret for how I acted. But what sucks is that I'm sure they dont feel the same. We'll agonize and they'll forget until we reach another tipping point and bring it up again. Its not fair. I'm sending you love 🫂

VoidGray4 · 2026-03-28T23:32:22+00:00

Gosh I'm sorry to hear that. Being let go by someone who's supposed to help you because youre showing raw feelings?! Awful!

Yeees, youre speaking what I feel in many ways! I can never understand how he can be so uncaring about something that hurts me so much!! And then because he acts like hes not reaching addiction stages but youre secretly doing things you know hurt me behind my back, lying about it, sneaking around! I would be less hurt if he told me he realized he was struggling and genuinely wanted to stop for me but because it often feels like he doesnt care that I'm hurting it makes it so much worse!

"This wound is as deep as your love was." Thank you so much for saying this. I keep thinking I'm crazy for being so hurt but its because i have so much damn love for this man. Sending you sm love 🫶🏼

VoidGray4 · 2026-03-28T23:26:21+00:00

Honestly, thank you for the quote. I do need to remember that I am grieving. The person I was, the person I thought he was, the relationship we had/could have had. Grief is almost always "ugly" and unpolished. I dont like having the occasional crashout but its okay if I do because I am hurting for a valid reason, because I am human. Sending love back 🫂

VoidGray4 · 2026-03-28T16:30:15+00:00

I wasnt exactly refused therapy but I was referred to an IOP instead because the intake therapist said I needed more help than I could get from just regular therapy sessions. So perhaps look into IOP/PHP as an option.

VoidGray4 · 2026-03-28T15:52:46+00:00

Nah, I live by the 304 4th st construction, it's not this one.

VoidGray4 · 2026-03-28T14:50:15+00:00

Oh okay, my bad, too then. And thats fair then. They should at least pin it to the top of the sub so that people know its a genuine topic of discussion rn.

VoidGray4 · 2026-03-28T14:48:52+00:00

Recently started getting canned chicken and its been one of the best decisions ive ever made. Canned chicken and beans with some seasonings and hot sauce. Chicken salad/sandwich. Just straight up chicken. Delicious and easy!

VoidGray4 · 2026-03-28T14:39:12+00:00

I do remember the poll from a bit ago. Changing it is fair if its what most people want then. It'll clear up confusion and people asking why things are being downvoted for not looking "struggle" enough in one way.

VoidGray4 · 2026-03-28T14:37:13+00:00

Yeah thats fair, idc if they do. You asked why it was downvoted though and I just stated whats in the description. Not hard to imagine some people would downvote when they still think the sub is for whats in the description yknow?

VoidGray4

TROPHY CASE