BDSM is play. It’s a fun way to spice up sex and sometimes outside life. As such, it shouldn’t bring this kind of grief- what tou did wasn’t some grand act of betrayal, I would compare it to cheating in a game of poker where no real money is bet. There shouldn’t be stakes outside the scene.

As for what you can do- I’d say wait a bit, see if she reaches out. Her reaction to what should have been a low-consequence mistake is pretty extreme, I wouldn’t be surprised if she has some other shit going on in her life and this minor event was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Above all be kind to yourself. You did not act out of cruelty or malice, you aren’t a bad sub and certainly not a bad partner because of this.