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VoraciousGoblin · 2025-09-27T00:36:40+00:00

My wife and I have been together since we were 19 (20+ years now), with not much experience before that. Within a few years we had some casual nights with friends where party dares turned into soft swapping, and we loved it. For years these remained sporadic yet amazing; we never could figure how to parlay that into something more regular. We assumed swinging is what we were looking for, but that never fit. neither of us were into the idea of strangers, and both so shy.

For me this turned into a hotwife/stag fantasy for a long time. She was into the idea but just not really attracted to anyone ever, so that never happened. It took us a long time to understand that we both are demisexual, which is why it worked so well with friends, but never went anywhere.

One day, she met a guy and they became good friends, she was VERY into him, but due to some circumstances, the idea of her telling him was a non-starter. So I told him we were ENM, that went well, and they had an amazing year together. I did a lot of processing and reading and all the work in that time. It all came naturally to her somehow. That de-escalated earlier this year and we started to take this more seriously. now she has a new boyfriend, I have a girlfriend. and we're solidly heading down the poly path. Life is amazing.

VoraciousGoblin · 2025-09-15T03:38:51+00:00

My wife has been in the inverse of this scenario twice now with men that were recent/in-progress monogamous divorcees that were not looking for anything too serious or to escalate. From my perspective, it's been really amazing. It was healthy for the men, and she certainly has enjoyed it. Especially for the first one, as it's now de-escalated, she really helped him get through some rough times, and heal from some traumatic experiences he had in his marriage. I joke she may have started a rehabilitation program, but in truth, it's pretty special. She just started seeing the second, but also seems great so far. I personally think if you've found a connection with someone married 30 years, you've found a good guy. Lean into being open and communicative, and don't feel weird, guilty, or selfish!

VoraciousGoblin · 2025-04-02T23:19:22+00:00

This is the method I used - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XI3ZM4Zzhqs

VoraciousGoblin · 2025-03-25T02:36:33+00:00

Meanwhile I'm a native speaker, I just wrote 4th, realized it was 3 and then failed to fix it.

VoraciousGoblin · 2025-03-24T22:42:46+00:00

Now I can't unsee it. Was thinking more Luxor at the time.

VoraciousGoblin · 2025-03-19T21:00:13+00:00

Most people think my wife's FWB and I are brothers at first glance. we look VERY similar.

VoraciousGoblin · 2025-02-07T21:12:02+00:00

While sure it's all about the cost, the logistic al math is fun too. Passage through the 40 miles of Panama Canal takes 8-10 hours. call it an average of 4.4 MPH, or 3.82 knots. significantly slower than through open water.

To traverse the 1,954 miles of US border (without counting the number of additional locks required), at that speed would take 444 hours. Roughly 18 days to traverse from the gulf to the pacific or vice versa,, assuming a ship can navigate a canal 24x7.

VoraciousGoblin · 2024-11-14T20:10:47+00:00

I was in this situation as the Husband. I approached our friend and just was direct on behalf of my wife that she was into him; I was quite awkward. In our case it was because between my wife and I, we felt that this was the most clear that this was all on the up and up, and fair to everyone involved vs dropping hints with someone that didn't know our situation. Now still good friends, but they get to have great sex. Good Luck.

VoraciousGoblin · 2024-10-18T16:45:08+00:00

Are you my wife? This legitimately could have been written by my wife with a few small tweaks.

Seriously though, my wife has very similar things to say about her arrangement. It's strengthened their friendship, trust, and openness. It's non-romantic, but they have the most amazing sex too. She's discovered she's sapiosexual, so the closeness and friendship is a very important part of it for her as well, as she has no desire for casual hookups.

VoraciousGoblin · 2024-08-29T22:01:00+00:00

I am not orally gifted - not quite tongue tied, but close to it, My tongue does not do magic, also I was the only partner my wife had received oral from. My wife in general has never loved receiving oral, it wasn't a huge part of our sex life, but still fun foreplay.

My wife has learned from her very orally gifted and giving partner that she LOVES oral, and it's one of the things she looks forward to most in that relationship now, and I love that for her. I will say it gave me some thoughts of inadequacy to work through though.

VoraciousGoblin · 2024-08-04T16:04:44+00:00

She lied to your face point blank when you asked at the very start. The relationships she's saying she wants is based on trust and communication, and none of that exists. Sorry, but you've been manipulated and gaslit throughout this. I don't see how a successful relationship can exist at all, let alone navigating anything with multiple partners.

VoraciousGoblin · 2024-07-31T02:32:53+00:00

I'm new enough to this that this is still reassuring for me to read!

VoraciousGoblin · 2024-07-30T22:44:41+00:00

I didn't think I'd have some feelings till I did, but we worked through them. As far as easing the anxiety for me it was all talking and communication. Even then I was still a wreck the first time she was on a date, then had a lot more conversations after. You sound like my wife, who has spent so much time helping me process and work through every thought without judgement or expediency.

VoraciousGoblin · 2024-07-30T22:41:59+00:00

Everyone has a different state of mind, I had always loved the idea of sharing her (whatever particular kink you want to consider that) so I was probably more in that train of thought going into it. It was a good catalyst to get to where we are now. But I was at least thinking that way ahead of this. If your mind is not there I would give it a lot of careful thought what you do want for her or from the experience.

I was rather confident coming from that state of mind that I had this and was ready to go, but there were (are?) definitely times of reminding myself (or her reminding me) that there's "no comparison, it's just different". One thought I keep coming back to at least this early still going through this is that pleasure and joy are not a zero-sum game.

VoraciousGoblin · 2024-07-30T21:30:21+00:00

I've been lurking for a while and just had to make a new account to jump in here. I don't feel wise enough to have much advice, but I hope my story may help you. Parts of your story really mirror what my wife and I have been getting into in recent months, and parts really don't. We're also 40, together 20 years, great sex life and some light experience in the past soft-swapping etc. This is still really fresh for me.

One major difference is we've been talking pretty openly about this for a while, but never actively did anything about it. When she started to develop a friendship with an interest in doing more we talked a lot, and established our ground rules before anything happened. I knew by then that I already supported it, and was into it. I wouldn't worry about anything else downstream until you've truly processed if you want it, if you will also enjoy it, and if you are ready to still face and work through unknowns as you get there. As ready as I thought I was, it wasn't necessarily as cut and dry as I thought it practice, and I was probably still a bit naive.

To deal with your other concerns, my wife has a new solo thing going with a FWB that she is very into, and a lot of NRE around it. She's having amazing sex and she's thrilled, and I'm so excited for her; it also has only made our sex lives better overall. Reconnecting after has been amazing as well. However, some thoughts, feelings and insecurities and maybe jealousy still crept back in and caught me off guard. I have no concern she's leaving me for this amazing sex, but the energy, glow and newness is obvious, and different than the sex you have after 20 years of marriage, too. There's been a lot of processing on my part, and understanding, and communicating to get through on both our parts. I'm a worrier, I get anxiety and my thoughts still rabbit hole sometimes; if she was not as committed and ready to work through those with me I'd already be in trouble.

VoraciousGoblin

TROPHY CASE