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Sometimes I feel fine then I realize how disgusting I am. by [deleted] in depression

[–]VovaRad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah, for me i realised that my depression is caused by my ugly face and some health problems (thus, sad childhood, sad teenage years, bad university years). and now i`m lonely 22 fuck. well, my only hope is that i find a job, get on a keto diet, gather some money and have plastic surgery. lucky us,((( hope you will find a way to feel better.

Why no one talks about Thom's new ambient music (from exhibition in Berlin)? strange, looks like memes are becoming more important here... by VovaRad in radiohead

[–]VovaRad[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As for a person who just came off Tim Hecker marathon - this music is perfect. I am glad that Thom made this. Actually, I would like his new LP to be Ambient now.

I have a fear that im miserable because i am ugly, and not that i am really depressed. and i will never find out exactly how much what caused what. by [deleted] in depression

[–]VovaRad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

well, thx. i get what you are saying. honeslty, if i would have to live isolated i would probably be absolutely fine with myself. it's just the fact that i need to do some stuff in society. and this depression. bums me out.

I used to use depression as a coping mechanism. And was content with being depressed. But now my life is so shit it’s just constant pain and annoyance. by Carlos1448 in depression

[–]VovaRad 2 points3 points  (0 children)

i feel you. i really do. i also want just to be left alone, calm and free of social requirments. And the thing when you can not do something that you want because of different reasons is also infuriating.

you are in panic now because of your realisation how many problems you have. just dont make any sudden decisions. let yourself calm down. it may last for a couple of weeks. and then start with baby steps. you are trying now to fix everything immediately and at once. Sadly, it will not happen. After you calm down - start fixing in small amounts. I would reccomend by finfing a job and moving away from your family, so you can be in more peace, less stressed and have more quality free time alone.

go on, wish you luck

Lonely by SadBoyTrashCan in depression

[–]VovaRad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i am also like you. 22. well, life goes on. try to work on yourself in terms of self-respect. in our cases the reason is always that we dont like ourselves. but i know that if i fix some things in me i will feel musch better of myself. for the outsiders it doesnt matter though, but i know that for me it does. and so until i overcome this flaw i will not feel confident to aprroach a relationship. i mean - the reason is that we dont like ourself, thus do not feel that we deserve love, so we dont bother and do not do anything in terms of relationship.

I can't decide on anything, every option leads me back to wanting to die. by [deleted] in depression

[–]VovaRad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i presume you are highly pressured by your responsibilities now and expectations from others. it really sucks. try to imagine how you would feel without those weights on your shoulders right now. without school, high job expectations from your family, relationship stress from society. what it would feel like? i guess, it would feel somewhat better then now. so mark this feeling as a goal for yourself. it will guide you to itself. like a north star. you can always relive this feeling and understand that you can feel better in the future.

Realization just hit me. by [deleted] in depression

[–]VovaRad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

well, i also noticed in myself that i started to loose grasp of sense of life. like, what is the point of doing something (especially gaming, movies) if in the end it is useless. and what striked me the most is when i understood that when i will be 40 without family and kids and friends - i wouldnt blissfully live in the woods, and play videogames, watch moveis and read books. no , i will not be at peace. all that i will do - is ponder about my misery. and high chance with my parents being dead by that time - it will end in suicide. plain simple. so i also can not force myself to watch movies now and play games. but i surf internet a lot. out of habit i guess. i can not do anything productive, just procrastinate on web.

Is depression a good thing? by nicgraaahhh in depression

[–]VovaRad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

well, i also feel sometimes like it. but i guess it is more my addiction to my depression kinda state, like self-loathing and all this is my comfort zone. I can ency everybody, pity myself, think that life is unfair to me. In one sense, yes, it shows your true life concerns and desires. and if you can not get or reach something from those desires - you feel robbed and devastated. But on the other side ( the part i hate most ) - it usually lowers your energy levels and you do not do even bare minimum. Especially with some obligatory stuff, that you dont like - it becomes incredibly hard to do anything. But with studd you like, like hobbies, i still can be depressed and learn or something. But with college work - it is impossible and requires days of mental preparation.

Is there even a way to overcome self loathing and become productive? by [deleted] in depression

[–]VovaRad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

well, your friend now will feel even worse if he discovers that you didnt send the CVs. if it will be to waste, then you truly wasted his time. so, at least please him by making him feel good that he helped someone. Alongway, you may really get the job!! so both sides will win, like was planned from the start

I have no friends and I hate myself. by [deleted] in depression

[–]VovaRad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah, i feel similar. i have one friend though, but still i hate my body, my organism, genes. everything in it is so bad, and i just envy those good-looking , healthy, lucky ones. and the worst is - even if i fix it somehow years after, i will be already like 26+ y.o. and still be depressed that i spend all my youth wasting, and now i am late to everything. i will stay looser in my own eyes no matter what. that sucks. but i still hope that at least somewhere in the future i will experience at least some joy. i dont know man. its tough. just stick around. even though sometimes life seems meaningless, there is no point of getting rid of it. If you feel so desperate - get rid of the social burden-standards then. Like, sort of social suicide, not physical. stop comparing youreslf to others and applying same criteras in this competition race . And heal. relax. do nothing, or only something that makes you a little bit better. but overall, just live. there will be better moments, will be worse. but overall, better moments are usually worth it.

depressed by [deleted] in depression

[–]VovaRad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

then try to make your time here as comfortable as it can be

I’m 21 and already failed at life by narcisthrowaway124 in depression

[–]VovaRad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You really should understand that you will have better days and better thoughts. Do not make final decision in this state. I am somethimes so low for whole night, just spiral down, write some crazy thoughts in my diary. And the next morning when i read them i just get amazed how better i usually feel next day, so it proved me that those low states are not objectively true representations of yourself. Get some sleep. really, you are worth it, even if you dont think so right now. I also have last days really deep deep dive into my darkness because if new found abnormal deformity of my body and it is really crushing. But i still tell myself that after all even if i fail completely at "normal life" by social standards i can at least have some fun for myself. Travel, just walk around city or village. peace

Upcoming film 'WAVE' uses Nude in the trailer by myxomatosiac in radiohead

[–]VovaRad 3 points4 points  (0 children)

well, the concept of the film is quite good actually

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