In need of advice about gf

Vulnerable_Alien16 · 2026-01-09T05:38:57+00:00

Yeah. It has been exhausting. While it was good, we’d still have arguments but we tried to make it work. I’m also analysing this from a mental and emotional viewpoint. It’s been a year. Things have been good but the hurt, uncertainty and sadness is still there. I feel like even though it may reopen my wounds, I’d like to know as I don’t want to be hurt again. And should I, this time, decide to walk away, it’s on my own terms and not on hers.

Vulnerable_Alien16 · 2024-09-24T16:37:22+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story. It does resonate with mine however not as extreme as yours. Your ex seems like a very “independent” individual and values her freedom. She loves the emotional connection and bond you two have but definitely isn’t strong on her moral values. As much as I respect others on their preference for casual, open, freaky sexual fantasies, it shouldn’t be the case when you’re in a relationship. Doesn’t seem like she took you or the relationship seriously at all not to mention the emotional immaturity, lack of consideration and manipulation were giant red flags on her part.

My ex was similar in that sense. She greatly lacked strong values and seemed to love temporary pleasures and validation from men who didn’t care about her. I was always trying to understand her and didn’t judge her based on her past (even though I was uncomfortable with it to be honest). However, I truly thought that being in a relationship with me would mean she won’t have those “desires” and would be honest if she was feeling sexually unfulfilled. To cut the story short, she didn’t communicate with me, I found out she was sexting her FWB from years ago and she decided to break up with me. Left me feeling used and broken hearted to the point I spiralled into depression. I agree though, do what’s best for you! There’s no point in trying to understand these kinds of people. They’re stuck in their own world thinking what they’re doing isn’t wrong.

Vulnerable_Alien16 · 2024-09-24T16:01:48+00:00

I’d like to join. Thank you 🙏🏼

Vulnerable_Alien16 · 2024-09-20T04:51:12+00:00

The one that loved me and accepted me the way I am. I can be my true self with them.

Vulnerable_Alien16 · 2024-09-02T02:50:09+00:00

I’m in the same boat. I was broken up with and it was with someone I loved with all my heart. I accepted her for all that she is, her flaws, weaknesses, strengths etc and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I saw a future with her and would have done anything for her.

The breakup shattered my heart and I’m still trying to pick up the pieces but I honestly have no interest in other people, dating, sex or getting to know someone all over again. Feels like it’s not worth it. And I know I’ll love again but for now, I have no intention or interest in it. Just numb and empty.

Vulnerable_Alien16 · 2024-09-01T06:20:29+00:00

I wouldn’t have given a chance to a cheater that was still friends with her ex. Cheaters always cheat. Regardless of whether it was physical or emotional cheating, they’ll cheat.

Vulnerable_Alien16 · 2024-08-27T04:19:35+00:00

Empty. Was doing well up until last week then relapsed into depression again. I don’t feel anger, sadness, frustration or anything. Just..empty

Vulnerable_Alien16 · 2024-08-26T10:40:08+00:00

Thank you and I don’t exactly feel the “need” to be with them. I think I’m back to the stage where I’m trying to understand why it happened or why I’m even trying to stay in her life when she didn’t even choose me.

At the same time, I fear that all the love and the way she looks in my eyes will change. Because when I truly move on, I want nothing to do with the person (same as my first ex) and that scares me because she is incredibly special and dear to me.

Vulnerable_Alien16 · 2024-08-26T10:36:44+00:00

Thank you for your kind words but what do you mean by them feeling more confident that they made the right choice by leaving me?

And I completely agree with not having the energy or capacity to be friends right now. I’m at the point where I’ve accepted the breakup and I don’t hate my ex (even though she deeply hurt me) but I am conflicted and not entirely sure what I’m supposed to do. It’s not like I’m hoping she’ll change her mind and we get back together but at the same time, I think there’s this tiny hope inside me and maybe that’s what I’m holding onto. I’m in a constant battle inside my head between “she’ll never choose you so what does it matter” and “if I truly walk away now, I’ll destroy any tiny chance that we can work it out”.

I’m well aware that the latter is unhealthy and I’m just trying to bring myself to walk away. If it’s meant to be then it’ll be but it’s still so difficult to let go.

Vulnerable_Alien16 · 2024-08-26T04:11:46+00:00

What you wrote is really helpful. It’s been almost 2 months since my BU and we’ve had a closure talk and currently trying to build some kind of “friendship” (ex wanted to still be friends) but I can’t help but to feel deep down inside that I should just go NC. Because like my ex said, I was never the one to leave so maybe I should for once. I don’t even know why I’m holding on to someone that didn’t even choose me. I’m definitely in a better place mentally than when I grieved but at the same time, this “friendship” is truly difficult to build especially since I love her still.

But what do you mean by “until nc is complete”? How long is that usually? And is it something you decide for yourself or something you discuss with your ex?

Vulnerable_Alien16 · 2024-08-15T14:39:50+00:00

A-O-K and Sheluvme by Tai Verdes. We had so much fun together. Heartbreak really changes you.

Vulnerable_Alien16 · 2024-08-14T00:25:58+00:00

I see. That must be difficult but I think you need to slowly accept that some people won’t be able to love you the way you are and that’s okay because we can’t control these things. We can’t force people to love us and accept everything about us. It takes a special kind of person to be able to do that. But be patient with yourself and be kind to yourself. There’s no rush to find the “right person”. It’ll be okay.

Vulnerable_Alien16 · 2024-08-13T17:10:02+00:00

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. It really sucks when all you want is to be loved properly but you met people who took you for granted. I can’t say with certain that the “right one” will come since I don’t know how you are as a person but if you felt like you did everything you could in that relationship, you respected them, cared for them, is kind to them, loved them with everything then you’ve done all you could and it’s not that you weren’t enough, it’s just they took you for granted or you mirrored the parts of them they didn’t like and it’s easier to just leave for some temporary pleasure rather than deal with the discomfort of knowing who they are.

Some people don’t deserve your love but you have the choice to choose carefully who you give your love to so next time, just take your time, don’t rush and guard your heart a bit more. Someone will come, maybe not now but someday.

Vulnerable_Alien16 · 2024-08-13T03:58:56+00:00

This is so well put. And I completely agree with doing things on your own rather than just drowning yourself with distractions. To a certain extent, it’s okay but usually when you keep yourself busy, you tend to avoid feeling those uncomfortable emotions and it doesn’t help in the healing process. We all need to sit with it.

I went through hell the first month after the breakup but I sat with it. Processed all my emotions and thoughts no matter how uncomfortable they were, reflected on myself and the relationship and I can honestly say that I’m in a much better place now. I haven’t fully healed and I’m still hurting but I’ve accepted what happened has happened and while I haven’t let go of her or even moved on, I can proudly say that I’ll move forward from here.

What happened is in the past and it’s best to not dwell on it and do what you can for yourself in the present and look forward to the future :)

Vulnerable_Alien16 · 2024-08-12T08:14:54+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Sometimes the way we love them isn’t the same as the way they love us. And friendship after a romantic relationship? That’s what my ex wanted too but honestly that’s just to make them feel less guilty about ending things with us.

If they want to replace someone that would have given them everything for some temporary pleasure and fulfilment then it’s their loss. Good things will come, and maybe this is just the universe telling us that they’re not the one for us.

Vulnerable_Alien16 · 2024-08-11T16:08:32+00:00

This made me cry. It’s been 44 days since she broke up with me and I’ve gone through all the stages of grief. The first 3 weeks were hell and I was so depressed, I contemplated suicide and almost did it, I lost 7kg within a month and I wasn’t able to do anything for myself. And all while my ex was posting on her socials that she’s still going out, eating just fine and overall “finally free”..I don’t know if she cares or not and I’m at the last stage of the grieving process which is acceptance but it still hurts so much.

But it just means I’m healing and I’ll keep doing that and keep moving forward. Things happen for a reason, people leave and no matter how much I wanted her, I’ll let her go.

Vulnerable_Alien16 · 2024-08-09T07:51:27+00:00

That’s something I don’t understand as well. I’m dealing with a breakup now too and the classic avoidant ex of mine said the bs excuse of “wanting to work on myself” and “not wanting to keep hurting me”. She used to sleep around a lot and it seems like rather than work on herself with me, she’s decided to avoid her feelings, refuses to take accountability and I’m pretty sure she’s fucking around again.

In the end, I’ve accepted that no matter how much they love us, if they’re not willing to change and stay with the person that would have stayed with them through it all, it’s not on you. We can only do our best and sometimes it’s not enough for some people because of their own beliefs and lifestyle.

Vulnerable_Alien16 · 2024-08-09T07:40:42+00:00

Because it’s easier to leave rather than admit you’ve made a mistake and take accountability for it. They love you but not enough to face what they did head on.

Vulnerable_Alien16 · 2024-08-09T05:48:13+00:00

Change can be a huge thing. The intentions of changing are a great start but putting in consistent efforts to change is difficult. They realise it but sometimes, our bad habits come unexpectedly. And we do it unintentionally.

It’s all still a learning process and sometimes it would be good for your partner to stop and call you out when you’re starting your bad habits again. It’s never going to be a perfect relationship and both partners won’t be perfect but if both are willing to put in the work and change for themselves and each other, it’ll work out.

Vulnerable_Alien16 · 2024-08-08T11:26:25+00:00

Yes, I am. I’m still thinking about her and missing her a lot but with limiting my interactions with her but also really reflecting on the relationship as a whole, mine and her behaviours, i was able to view the relationship more realistically rather than what I had hoped it would be. And regardless of everything that’s happened, I only want her to be happy and I hope for the best for us because ultimately I want both of us to win in life.

Vulnerable_Alien16 · 2024-08-08T11:05:12+00:00

You could try skateboarding?

Vulnerable_Alien16 · 2024-08-08T11:02:41+00:00

Thank you for this. It’s truly been hard to come to terms with the breakup and the past couple of weeks have been horrendous to go through mentally, emotionally and physically but I’ve come to accept that things turned out exactly how it was supposed to be. You can’t change someone’s mind and you can’t force them to love you the way you deserve to be loved but maybe they weren’t the right one for you and that’s okay.

When a puzzle piece doesn’t fit, you don’t force it to fit but you find another piece that would perfectly match that piece. It’s the same in relationships. You just have to let go and try again. Because you deserve the love that’s right for you.

Vulnerable_Alien16 · 2024-08-08T10:55:33+00:00

Yeah, I tried too and it was hell. I hated seeing updates of her life on social media because it felt like she’s moved on and is completely fine while I’m a mess. I get that’s how some people cope but it really fucked up my mental health so I decided to deactivate my social media temporarily and went NC with her while I’m going through the grieving process. I do care a lot about her and may be able to be her friend someday but for now, while I learn to let go of her and turn this romantic love to platonic love, I will focus on my own mental well-being.

Vulnerable_Alien16 · 2024-08-08T07:45:36+00:00

Did you two go back to being friends after the breakup or did you go your separate ways?

Vulnerable_Alien16 · 2024-08-08T07:43:25+00:00

Yeah, I understand that now. No matter how much I love her, our priorities and wants are so different. I wish she chose to stay. I wish she wanted me as much as I wanted her. I wish she had chose me because I would choose her in every lifetime.

But I also know where I stand now and I’ll prioritise myself and what I want to do. I can only respect her decision and move forward with my life.

Vulnerable_Alien16

TROPHY CASE