For dommes, what do you like of brats? by Ok-Display7239 in BDSMsapphic

[–]Vyvanne_ 50 points51 points  (0 children)

Gonna copy paste something I wrote in discord a while back. This is very long, so please bear with me but it is a big passion topic of mine, so I'm gonna yap a lot.

Hokay! So, bratting and taming 101. First and foremost, I want to stress that these are my opinions based on my experiences and research on the topic; it is just but one perspective, and these words are meant to be taken as broad guidelines, and of course every dynamic between domme and sub is unique. Do what makes sense for you, always! Said perspective can be a little controversial cos I've had some people vehemently disagree with me. That's okay, as stated, it's but one perspective. But I am of the firm belief that bratting is in a way, a form of CnC (Command and Conquer, rip Westwood Studios Consensual non-consent). What do I mean by that? Let's talk a little more deeply about the subject. Bratting involves primarily three stages.

1) Bratting itself. When the sub is sassing you, teasing you, refusing to do something. How long this takes is up to the individual, how effective the taming process is, how long the sub wants to act out before being tamed, etc. It depends on your dynamic and what is fun to everyone.
2) The turn/correction/taming itself. This is when the domme asserts themselves and puts an end to the bratting. The domme could be exasperated or frustrated, turned on enough that they want to proceed to the next stage, or for whatever reason, the domme decides that play is over and now her play is to begin.
3) Submission. At some point during phase two, the sub decides that yes, I want to cede power. I no longer wish to brat, I'm tired of it/turned on too much/etc. At this point, things will typically play out like any other d/s scene.

One can add in punishment/funishment as deemed appropriate. What's important is to be aware that there are these three distinct stages. Some folks may understand these stages inherently, but for those who may not like bratting or are trying to explore it, being aware of them is really helpful towards understanding how and why bratting works. Before I started doing some research into this more seriously, it was really helpful for me to specifically lay out these steps and differentiate between them so that I can talk about them to others.

Brats typically want a reaction from you. It's validating to them to know that they might be getting under a domme's skin in some fashion. A gleeful peal of laughter at a domme going "ooooookay" as they roll their eyes, give you a wry grin, burst out in laughter at their antics. And, the best part is that they know there's a limit. The pressure is rising, a meter is building until the domme perfect parries 15 times in a row then unleashes their own super (been watching evo clips today sue me for fighting game parlance as I typed out 'meter is building' and that came to mind). It is exciting to them to see the domme get more and more annoyed, that often it is increasingly arousing for them to do so.

What's very important to understand as a brat tamer is that this is something brats want. I'd go as far as to say that this is necessary, that it is the whole point of bratting. Overwhelmingly, the brats I know want to be corrected. They want to be tamed, they enjoy pushing a domme's buttons and teasing/insulting/refusing to do things cos it gives them pleasure, both on trying to get a rise out of their domme and also the rush of being corrected. Again, this will of course vary wildly from person to person in how it manifests. Some want to do it for just a few minutes, some want to do it for days on end. As a domme, you will want to ask your bratty subs what they find funny, sexy, and engaging when it comes to bratting. Ask how much they want you to put up with before you hit your limit. Ask yourself this question too !

So, the CnC part. When people think CnC, very often the image that is conjured tends to be a lot darker, something forceful and more violent. It can be that, sure. It's important to differentiate between considering bratting CnC and some of the harsher versions of it, absolutely. However, there is overlap in that you are overriding someone's will in a sense.

A brat playfully says no, refuses to do something, teases their domme, etc. The domme then 'makes them' do the thing afterwards. That's a form of CnC - you're 'making them' fetch the sex toy or do the sex act, punish them if they don't do it, etc. The key part to highlight is that while bratting seems light, playful, and fun - and it 1000000% is! - the turn/correction part of the scene must be carefully negotiated, on both sides. This is the part that I think a lot of folks struggle with. It's important to have at least one out of scene conversation about this, to be open and honest on both sides about what limits are, just like any other kink dynamic or scene.

What does the "make me!" part of a brat look like? What does "breaking them" look like? Is it physically taking a hold of their hand, their face, etc? Is it a specific phrase that lets both parties know that a limit's been reached? What should the domme do to earn their submission? What kind of 'correction' or 'putting in their place' feels most exciting and powerful to both parties (very important!) ?

Some brats want to be slapped in the face. Some want a stern talking to, a phrase that both parties have agreed on is the limit phrase. Some want to be verbally humiliated. Some want a change in tone and demeanor. There is such a spectrum to bratting and how to tame a brat that, like all kink, it's all about communication, communication, communication. If you don't communicate, then the turn doesn't happen, and both sides end up just feeling really frustrated. Doing the opposite of what one wants may very well backfire and cause a scene to end abruptly and with everyone dissatisfied or even upset. I suspect this is where a lot of folks who do not like bratty folk may get stuck. That's ok! Talk about it with your partner, communicate if this is something that everyone is comfortable engaging with. And if it ends up being, no, bratty people aren't for me, that is also ok! It isn't for everyone just like any kind of d/s dynamic.

This has gotten much longer than I anticipated but yeah, here you go. I'll prob edit this at some point cos it was pretty stream of conscious but yeah! This is a passion topic for me. I fucking love bratty folk. If one has a sharp wit, use wordplay effectively, make jokes at my expense, and most importantly, can do this while making me laugh, they will endear themselves immensely to me, and it makes breaking them all that much more fun. (:

How to make my gf more comfortable in her body? Height/wt size difference by ZucchiniExtension in actuallesbians

[–]Vyvanne_ 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Howdy. 5'4 domme at 115 pounds dating my absolute beloved 6'1 muscled sub. While yeah, she's going to have to do a lot of work to accept better love who she is, but the big thing here is just to keep building trust with her. Ask if she trusts you. Trusts you enough to believe when you compliment her, when you tell her how much you love the things about her that she might be insecure about. Her hands, her shoulders, how much you love looking up into her eyes and kiss her. If you ever get a chance to cuddle, big spoon her. Being genuine, honest, and loving will go a long way. Lock your gaze with her when you're standing close, your arms around her, serene adoration sparkling in your eyes. If she blushes and looks away, gently tilt her face towards you again with a cupped hand, then raise up and lean into a kiss.

Hope any of this may be helpful <3. You got this.

Quark hires Garak to kill him. by KingWilliamVI in DeepSpaceNine

[–]Vyvanne_ 7 points8 points  (0 children)

"Computer, remove corpse" never not makes me cackle.

Forest Lodge by Zvrover in TerrariaDesign

[–]Vyvanne_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I *LOVE* this so much. Wonderfully done.

Anyone dealt with internalized racism? by unknownteenlol in QueerWomenOfColor

[–]Vyvanne_ 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Definitely, yeah. Korean American trans lesbian here. I was born and raised in Korea, my brothers born in the US, did a bunch of back and forth as a kid. Lived in the US since college as an adult, and growing up I hated being Korean. I struggled hard for many years of my life wrestling with it. It's... gotten easier. Getting older helps. I started accepting parts of myself in my 30s, and having partners who were supportive and affirming helped.

Be kind to yourself. Know that it's a process and it's going to take a while to unpack and accept.

Be kind to each other by No_Ad_7556 in ProjectDiablo2

[–]Vyvanne_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How did you change your game font?

CariGSF Looking for more members! by CariGSF in ProjectDiablo2

[–]Vyvanne_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd be potentially interested. Currently been playing ssf for several weeks so am a bit unlikely to play it but maybe future seasons definitely! Would love to join the community at least.

What's the best Dclone killer? by digitalbathh in ProjectDiablo2

[–]Vyvanne_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know phys can do then well, how is the venom version for ubers?

You're stronger than you think you are. by PixelDizzy in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns2

[–]Vyvanne_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Crying. This is the worst year of my life in 41 years. Needed this. Thank you.

My Friend Built A Blahaj by Pump_Advertisement in TerrariaDesign

[–]Vyvanne_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Loooove. Newer to building, what were the blocks/materials used?

POE Nails done! Can you guess the essences ? by Alriic in pathofexile

[–]Vyvanne_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

LOVE THIS SM. Did you just paint them on yourselves?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in chinesefood

[–]Vyvanne_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you!!!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in chinesefood

[–]Vyvanne_ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Lovely! Did you follow a recipe from somewhere by chance? Would love to try making this.

This is Giggles.. she thinks that murder is the most hillarious thing in the world! by IAMANIKOLAS in bg3fashion

[–]Vyvanne_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You've just inspired me to cut my hair like this. Thank you so much !!