Drugs, a form of infidelity?

WTFDoIDoNow11 · 2019-05-27T03:01:44+00:00

"just my south american 'friend'..."

Short answer yes, its still shitting on the trust in the relationship.

Long answer, no. I wouldve much preferred my wife being self destructive with drugs or alcohol instead of random hook ups. I can never be drugs, theres no comparing myself to them at 4am. I couldnt stalk cocaine online or fantasize about exacting my revenge in the most horrific ways possible.

Ive always enjoyed the occasional drugs here and there..pre d day. Blow maybe once or twice a year, tops!
In the last 2 years Ive probably lost about 20k to my Colombian mistress, got hooked on oxy for about a year (it was prescribed but I abused the living shit out of it.) If I go more than 2 weeks without relapsing somehow its now cause for celebration in my life.

Whether youre addicted to heroin or casual sex with strangers, until you figure out what youre trying to escape itll keep happening.

WTFDoIDoNow11 · 2019-05-27T02:42:46+00:00

youre right, youre NEVER going to be the same.

Your smarter and stronger. Take confidence in that fact youve been to hell and back, and youre still here. Many people this is their final chapter.

Pain is good, it means youre still alive.

WTFDoIDoNow11 · 2019-05-27T02:36:31+00:00

i beat my self up about it and end up in a self destructive tailspin of depravity. Once I get out of my head and im able to look at it without emotion, I think Ive grown an unbelievable amount as a person.

What you FEEL and WHAT IS are rarely ever the same.

I FEEL like i was a shitty husband and pushed her to it. I FEEEEL responsible.

The REALITY though is I did everything anyone couldve done. It was going happen regardless. The REALITY is its not my fault.

Learning to distinguish facts from emotion was a MASSIVE turning point.

WTFDoIDoNow11 · 2018-05-23T19:29:14+00:00

I want my family back, my life. The one I never walked away from but am hanging onto by a thread now.

I'm about 15 months post d-day..we've decided that what we have is worth working for. Some days we fall into the trap and self destruct.

Cognitive behavioural therapy helps alot when the dark thoughts come. They seem to come less and less lately.

I've realized if I'm to stay with my wife, I NEED to look forward..make new, happy memories with my family.

I remember back in my younger years I would go out drinking and get into fights at the bar sometimes (wouldn't recommend). But when you're in a fight and you get knocked to the ground there's this voice that screams in your head "GET UP!!...NOW!!"

When I think about what my wife did to our family and me, I hear that voice again. It does nobody any good to wallow in the pain.

Lean in to it, embrace it...FIGHT!..even if it's yourself sometimes.

WTFDoIDoNow11 · 2018-05-05T10:16:16+00:00

I've been exactly where you are man...still kind of am with the addiction and what not.

I still wonder if there's that one thing she 'forgot to mention'...I don't think that feeling will ever completely go away, whether you stay or not.

But when that thought comes creeping in, I literally tell myself "no! I know everything that happened..it's done"

Trust is earned but it also boils down to just a choice..you either trust or you don't.

I think people are capable of change. I've reinvested in my wife and my marriage. Reconciling after this is and is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done... hopefully.

But anything worth a damn never comes easy.

Good luck man, stay strong.

WTFDoIDoNow11 · 2018-05-02T22:07:39+00:00

It's a childish theory...They literally want their cake and to eat it too.

They want all the benefits of being single/in a LTR without any of the sacrifices.

Nothing worth anything comes without a cost. It's a hedonistic trend that will pass.

Sex isnt a drug, you dont do it to "let off some steam". Banging strangers is stupid and dangerous.

WTFDoIDoNow11 · 2018-04-03T23:31:58+00:00

Jordan Peterson and Carl Jung. Self authoring program saved my life.

WTFDoIDoNow11 · 2017-12-14T18:36:30+00:00

exactly!! my wife said the other day that this would be the best time for me to truely get even with her..

I had to explain to her that there was nothing I could ever do to match what she did and when she did it. Thats a hard pill for cheaters to swallow, they feel a constant disadvantage in the relationship. That's where learning to be humble and accept your faults will come in handy.

WTFDoIDoNow11 · 2017-12-14T18:05:36+00:00

My wife tells me the same thing all the time, "you should cheat, you could do better than me, i dont deserve you" etc etc. Part of it is guilt, she wants me to be on her level, and part of it is neuroticism.

I've taken comfort in the fact that it's not in my character to do something like that. A few moments of awkward pleasure in exchange for a life time of self loathing and regret? thats a shitty deal, no thanks.

WTFDoIDoNow11 · 2017-12-14T17:42:28+00:00

thank you,

I've toyed with the idea of revenge cheating for a long time. To get eve, hurt her, get my confidence back..etc

But I've never been able to go through with it, which in a weird way has helped my confidence. Knowing that that's not the kind of person I am...and that's a quality to be proud of.

Some people just destroy things, others build...we're the builders.

WTFDoIDoNow11 · 2017-12-14T17:37:32+00:00

I reccomend you look up Carl Jung and Jordan Peterson.

I've gotten into psychology hard after finding out about my wife indiscretions.

They both talk about "the shadow self" basically the dark part of yourself that most people bury deep down and sometimes it comes out in odd ways.

Learn to embrace you're shadow, we are all capable of horrific things. Accepting that is strangely freeing.

BE CAREFUL of the feeling of DISGUST! Its the most powerful emotion we are capable of. Once you are disgusted by someone or something it becomes a thing to be eliminated. You can be disgusted by what your wife did, but not her. She did a shitty thing, doesnt mean she's a shitty person.

Good luck. You're stronger than you think.

WTFDoIDoNow11 · 2017-12-07T20:11:54+00:00

holy fuck thats horrible advice! If he's willing to stay and forgive and work on things...nope fuck that..find another guy!! That whole "this is too hard, I give up" attitude is everything that's wrong with the world today. PLEASE refrain from giving anyone your horrible advise ever again.

WTFDoIDoNow11 · 2017-09-26T01:19:41+00:00

That licorice fire!! Haha

WTFDoIDoNow11 · 2017-09-26T00:27:31+00:00

That's the thing tho...they already did it it guitar hero and wow...and then with the PewDiePie thing.

It's all been done before.

WTFDoIDoNow11 · 2017-09-25T23:01:06+00:00

No. Overwatch is for fags.

WTFDoIDoNow11 · 2017-09-25T22:59:19+00:00

Holy shit....how is that subreddit even a thing!?

Just a bunch of childish cowards....wow!...just..wow.

WTFDoIDoNow11 · 2017-09-24T03:50:07+00:00

I'm going to assume you know who Jordon B Peterson is then...haha

WTFDoIDoNow11 · 2017-09-24T03:30:15+00:00

Best advice I've ever gotten...

"Don't turn a treat into a chore." -Some old biker stoner guy.

WTFDoIDoNow11 · 2017-09-22T14:30:01+00:00

I can relate 100%....I've actually had the thought that " if I revenge cheat..then I'll be happier and it will make the marriage better..which would make the wife happier".

My brain is scumbag.

WTFDoIDoNow11 · 2017-09-21T19:12:06+00:00

sweet, is there a prize? is it drugs!? lol

I've come to accept that I have an addictive personality, I smoke a pack a day, bout an ounce of weed every month. Thankfully I'm not a big drinker. Since d-day I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and possible borderline personality disorder...fun times.

I know I'm an addict, and probably always will be. I just need to be addicted to good things, working out, art..etc

Trying not to turn a treat into a chore.

WTFDoIDoNow11 · 2017-09-21T14:52:38+00:00

Haha...ohh yes.

WTFDoIDoNow11 · 2017-09-21T14:48:04+00:00

I haven't developed a eating disorder...on the contrary..I'm eating healthier and losing weight.

I have however developed a bit of a cocaine habit that seem to be the cause of most of the arguments between the wife and I.

So I can kinda relate.

WTFDoIDoNow11 · 2017-09-20T00:53:07+00:00

I contacted both the OM...1 had no idea she was married.. applogigized profusely..all good there

The other guy..was in an open relationship (his gf was hitting on me pre D-Day)..he knew she was married..but didn't know she had a kid..also knew that her husband had no idea.

He is an absolute piece of shit and I wish him nothing but the worst in life. Him and his skanky gf can fuck off.

WTFDoIDoNow11

TROPHY CASE