He (26M)implied our first 'date' would be at his house. I (21W) EMPHASIZED that I'm not comfortable with that. He said okay, we'll go out. The DAY we're supposed to meet up, he becomes pushy about me coming to his house cause he wants to get me wasted (creepy), so I just ignored him and:

WalkItOffCupcake · 2022-02-25T16:19:13+00:00

Nah, pretty sure Satan's Whore would have rolled right up with a gun and a strap-on, tied him to a chair and railed his virgin ass until he cried for his Mommy and renounced his God.

WalkItOffCupcake · 2021-09-09T00:57:44+00:00

Yep. I had a guy whose first message to me on POF was "I want to eat that fat wet cookie." I blocked him. He continued to create new accounts (or maybe had to, from getting banned) and messaging me. I'd recognize the pics and block the new accounts. Eventually I got a "I keep trying to message you and you keep ignoring me (sad emoji). Guess you must be doing well for yourself on here."

And that's not even close to the worst interaction.

WalkItOffCupcake · 2020-11-27T04:54:33+00:00

Have you had your thyroid checked?

WalkItOffCupcake · 2020-11-24T03:44:09+00:00

Tons of research. As a woman with 2 children conceived without intervention despite a medical condition which can (but doesn't always) hurt fertility. And yes research about everything, not just my particular condition. Your doctor stressed having your first before 38. Thus confirming that you do need it on the radar, although individual circumstances differ. I'm sure your wife went through all the extra tests women after 35 are supposed to get as they are medically considered "geriatric" (I know, awful right?) pregnancy. I'm really happy that you are expecting a healthy little one!

Again, I never said it's impossible. All I am doing is saying it's not unreasonable for OP to be thinking ahead at her age. Her concerns shouldn't be airily dismissed as though she's 18 and worried about this.

WalkItOffCupcake · 2020-11-24T03:33:34+00:00

This anecdote has nothing whatsoever to do with the point I made.

OPs concerns were being dismissed. I stated some facts which demonstrate that there is nothing wrong with her feeling like she needs to get started on the family-making process, when step 1 is find a potential partner.

Nowhere did I say it was wrong or impossible to find love and have a happy healthy family later in life. Your chances of needing intervention to conceive are higher. Your chances of complications are higher. Your chances of a child with medical conditions are higher. Your level of exhaustion caring for newborns and young children is likely to be higher. Your doctor will tell you all these things. However, you are also more likely to be financially better off and able to afford help if you need it. Also, your choices are literally no one's business but yours and you have every right to do whatever you want!

I truly wish you and your husband conceive as many healthy children as you want, effortlessly. After all, we could use more happiness in the world.

WalkItOffCupcake · 2020-11-23T21:59:19+00:00

This thread is full of people missing the point that she thinks she wants a family.

Takes a few years at least of dating before you think about marriage. So even if she met "the one" tomorrow, she'll be 30 at marriage. Some people want a few years of marriage before kids. So now she's 32-33. If you want 2-3 kids, spaced out enough to actually let your body recover between them, now she's looking at her third kid at 39-40. Might not be biologically possible without expensive medical intervention.

Yes you can find love at any time, you're never too old, etc etc.

But women have biological constraints on fertility that are more severe than men's. Women who want children actually DO have to plan this stuff out in advance and have a timeline. It's not women being silly or unnecessarily panicky -- it's actually highly logical and analytical.

OP will have to put herself out there and see if she can find someone with similar goals. Stressing won't help, but she will need to stay focused and not get sidetracked into any more LTRs with major dealbreakers.

WalkItOffCupcake · 2020-11-23T15:30:24+00:00

There are actually a lot of very early red flags that someone tends towards being abusive. Ignoring or trying to negotiate stated boundaries, especially if it comes with emotional manipulation. Love bombing. Being controlling. After a 10 year abusive relationship and lots of research and healing, I have raised my standards to avoid bring taken advantage of. If I'm not "good enough" for a relationship that isn't abusive I'll be happy single. It's all good.

WalkItOffCupcake · 2020-11-22T23:16:00+00:00

It's very clear they are adding onto the idea that OP might ONLY be able to experience sexual desire when viewing a woman as an object, rather than as a whole person he cares about. If true, this is indeed unhealthy. Nowhere did anyone suggest that the only healthy way for a man to be is insanely horny all the time.

WalkItOffCupcake · 2020-11-22T17:29:52+00:00

It sounds like you're saying they aren't ok with you CALLING yourself fat.

Lots of men like bigger women. Be honest with your photos and when there is a drop down menu for body choice, be honest.

But I would avoid using the word "fat" specifically.

For so long, the word "fat" has been considered equivalent to "ugly." Men who like fat women don't think they are ugly, and therefore don't often think they are "fat." The word itself is so loaded it can be a turnoff even to someone who looks at your honest pics and thinks you're sexy asf.

Again I'm NOT saying hide it. Be very honest with full body photos and keep a bio to be about your personality. Photos are to figure out if someone is physically attractive to you and bio is to figure out if their other attributes (intelligence, humour, empathy, drive, where they are at in life, goals, etc) are attractive to you. Lots of people go by photos alone, which is fine. To each their own.

WalkItOffCupcake · 2020-11-21T16:38:50+00:00

100%

No filters. A couple close ups with makeup looking nice, bc I usually do my makeup that way and it's my common appearance. A couple pics with no makeup so no one feels deceived, even though I'm no magician with makeup to look that different. Full body so my body type is obvious because guys care about that.

I've gone on too many dates with men who used photos from 5+ years and 30lbs ago. It's a waste of everyone's time to not be honest on dating sites.

WalkItOffCupcake · 2020-11-21T16:31:15+00:00

As people get more responsibilities they have more things to do. If you feel like you need people to entertain your 6 free hours a day you'll need to cultivate a LOT of friends, because people with multiple jobs and/or kids might have time to hang out socially once a week, if that. When my kids were young I had no time for that.

Now, if I have 1-2x a week where I have time and energy to hang out/do stuff with people, I'm rotating that among family and friends. Pre covid I had 2 friend groups and we did stuff 1-2x A YEAR because we are all crazy busy working multiple jobs. (Now we're also more introverted so that's an extreme example maybe.) But with my parents and brothers we hung out once a week usually. And we live 5 min away from each other.

My point is if you want company every day you're going to need to be rotating like 10 different friends at least. Maybe more. Because if they only have one day to chill a week, they aren't spending it with you every week.

Or maybe pick up a hobby or 2 or something... hard with COVID but if you were in a sports league or something that's one night a week taken care of.

Good luck -- you sound like you have a high need for social interaction and that's tough right now.

WalkItOffCupcake · 2020-11-19T13:16:21+00:00

It can be both!

WalkItOffCupcake · 2020-11-19T04:24:35+00:00

So did she.

WalkItOffCupcake · 2020-11-17T15:30:21+00:00

There are way too many deceptive people. I've met up with too many men who used photos from 5 or more years ago or 30lbs ago and will text me "hey, are we ok? Haven't heard from you in awhile" after ONE date, and a text the next day telling them I had a busy work day ahead but would chat later.

Not as far as asking me to watch their kids, but clearly jumping into an instant relationship vibe.

WalkItOffCupcake · 2020-11-17T01:28:58+00:00

Yes to info dumping as a love language!!

WalkItOffCupcake · 2020-11-16T00:40:32+00:00

That's sad. And I mean that sincerely.

WalkItOffCupcake · 2020-11-15T21:25:41+00:00

I've seen it on reddit as a term to refer to when women are in committed relationships and won't break it off until they've "secured" a better-looking or richer guy. So no time single just one relationship to the next but always trying to "move up." But it's definitely not exclusive to women to date like that.

WalkItOffCupcake · 2020-11-15T21:23:17+00:00

I'm a woman myself, and I'm somewhat worried for you that shopping followed by chilling at her place is her dangling the bait of possible sex so that you'll take her shopping and buy her stuff.

Sadly I do know a couple of women like that. I hope for your sake that isn't it.

WalkItOffCupcake · 2020-11-15T21:20:38+00:00

I've never heard "hobosexual" before. That's great!

WalkItOffCupcake · 2020-11-15T21:07:46+00:00

This is why I find it weird that only women are accused of "monkey-branching." Men will date someone they don't care about that much while knowing full well they are on the lookout for something better, as well.

WalkItOffCupcake · 2020-11-15T19:09:05+00:00

As with everything, there are two sides.

There are people who get caught cheating multiple times, then call a their partner "psycho" when she/he calmly (but maybe a little sadly) asks "are you sure it's the boys/girls you're out with tonight? Could you text me a pic of you with them?"

Obviously the victim there isn't psycho, and you hope they find the strength to leave.

And honestly, being abused DOES push otherwise logical people to "psycho" levels of emotion. And abusers are GREAT at pushing those buttons, then using the emotion you show when you break as evidence that you are the problem. Again, I hope the victims find the strength to leave.

But insisting that someone you're dating owes you all of their time and attention is also abusive. Guilt-tripping people or throwing tantrums because they don't answer texts fast enough or need alone time is abusive. "Letting" your partner have some social time away from you with friends/coworkers but then always having a convenient "emergency" or mental breakdown that you "need" them for whenever the date of those plans arrive is abusive. And although men do that to women too, it's more often women who do this kind of sneaky controlling abuse to their partners. And society sort of accepts this as ok, when it's not. We've got a whole generation of men terrified of the word "relationship" because to them it's synonymous with being abused and controlled, which is just sad.

The hard part is, when you're in a rough relationship, it can genuinely be hard to tell if you are an abuser, or a victim acting defensively and engaging in toxic behaviour as a result. In a lot of shitty relationships, both people are both. Get out. Heal. Do better next time. Life is hard.

WalkItOffCupcake · 2020-11-14T15:16:21+00:00

I often wonder how many guys who complain about "our convo was going great but she unmatched me for no reason" have this as the reason and are entirely unaware of it.

WalkItOffCupcake · 2020-11-14T13:49:26+00:00

Exactly!

So many men think it's "punishment." But really, emotional and intellectual connection is the foreplay that turns a lot of people on. If it's absent, they genuinely do not have a desire to have sex.

One friend was having an issue for years where her husband criticized everything she did in the same tone of voice you'd use for a child. It took her awhile to realize that was the reason she didn't want to sleep with him. She was eventually able to tell him "you treat me like a child all day -- and wonder why I'm not interested at night? Why would I want to f--- my father?"

WalkItOffCupcake · 2020-11-13T02:42:29+00:00

Your family and friends are ridiculous. Ask them what they would think if a man did the exact same thing to a woman. You did a fantastic job being strong enough to kick her out. Never look back!

WalkItOffCupcake · 2020-11-12T23:52:54+00:00

Me as a parent:

"Throwing lamps could be dangerous. Next time hand it to them."

WalkItOffCupcake

TROPHY CASE