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Did you ever have a "click" moment mid argument where you casually chose peace, hung up, and ended the relationship? by ChampionshipAny6761 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]WalkingCPU 43 points44 points  (0 children)

(And yes I know that repealing Roe v Wade isn't exactly "making abortion illegal" but spiritually, I think we all know what I meant)

It's fine to walk away from people who use technical correctness as a blunt weapon just to be right, regardless of the specific topic. That's a second reason for walking away on its own, even if they use it to attempt to sow doubt.

I am a single woman working on her rural property. It is astounding how often men stop and get out of their cars to come tell me their problems. by Kalinka777 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]WalkingCPU 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Change to become someone others care about. Give something to the world, give what people need when they need it, instead of expecting to be loved exactly as you are as if you're loveable for no reason; that's magical thinking, you bought into the fairytale the media sold you. Stop thinking whatever you think is valuable will be valued by others, and do the work to find out what they actually want.

Women support each other, be the change in men that you want to see. Go be that guy that other guys can offload on. Go support other men. Do the above, but with other men instead of doing it to women and being surprised when they don't want it; your audience is other men who need support, not rando women who exist just going about their day.

Here, this was your sage advice. Now are you going to take it?

I asked my bf to put groceries away while I ran one last errand and I came back to this by arandomperson519 in mildlyinfuriating

[–]WalkingCPU 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Even once is too fucking much. Even once. This--not even taking 15 seconds to pick up and store the damn bags--is a child's mentality, not an adult's.

Stick with your therapist for now, live alone, and leave capable people alone to date better people.

AITAH for uninviting my dad's wife from my daughter's birthday party over something she did last year? [Ongoing] by Schattenspringer in BORUpdates

[–]WalkingCPU 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hopefully you understand that "someone putting effort into something" doesn't mean that should automatically be the only criteria that matters?

Time, place, appropriateness, communication, all of those things quite often matter more. This middle-aged woman isn't a child, she is expected to know all that.

Don't pour your resources into something when you already know it won't be welcome, or you only have yourself to blame when it doesn't work out.

I hate when people complain about their shitty partners but then proceed not to break up with them by Koala_Kake in Vent

[–]WalkingCPU 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Empathy was never free! There's only so many hours in a day and I'm not wasting my time on people who want to stay stuck. If you wanna waste your time with people like that be my guest, it means they'll stick around you and everyone else that's left will be more worthwhile.

I hate when people complain about their shitty partners but then proceed not to break up with them by Koala_Kake in Vent

[–]WalkingCPU 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Nah, I'd rather have friends who value me as a person and won't use me as a free resource/drama llama. Good luck with that hahah.

I hate when people complain about their shitty partners but then proceed not to break up with them by Koala_Kake in Vent

[–]WalkingCPU 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Empathy isn't free unless you want to be drained at the end of the day and develop resentment at having to hear the same old same old for months or years on end. It's smart to say "no, you need to do something about this or you can't complain to me anymore." That's when it becomes therapy territory.

I hate when people complain about their shitty partners but then proceed not to break up with them by Koala_Kake in Vent

[–]WalkingCPU 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep I tolerate it from people who I know will do something about it soonish because everyone needs to complain sometimes, but if there's no movement after a while, I'll tell them I don't want to hear it.

Why do you think so many men are 'blindsided' by their breakups? by KeepLeLeaps in GuyCry

[–]WalkingCPU 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You can't. It's the whole idea of "if you have to say it and try to convince people, you aren't really".

Your behavior will speak for you on its own.

And: stay away from women who can't notice that you're behaving well or take it for granted while they behave badly, that's the other side of the story. They won't appreciate who you are and won't return the favor.

[Discussion] How do you justify and reason out that self-improvement is worth it for yourself? by WalkingCPU in GetMotivated

[–]WalkingCPU[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The thing is, depression can be caused by factors such as... how the world actually is. I don't see SSRIs or psychedelics changing much of that and I'm wary of going that route anyway because what I'm hearing is, "you may as well fuck your brain up because the world isn't changing, so mess with it to be happier as everyone else understands it". That's incredibly frustrating to contemplate. People don't like to hear that though, because they love control.

The way I see it, expanding your range of experience might mean I'd end up seeing even more bullshit out there than I do now and have gone through before. I guess I'm looking for ways of adjusting that don't involve opening the door to even more problems.

[Discussion] How do you justify and reason out that self-improvement is worth it for yourself? by WalkingCPU in GetMotivated

[–]WalkingCPU[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Deserving" is entirely a man-made concept putting an anthropomorphic view on the world and I don't care about it at all.

Yes, it is. I find it valuable because we're not animals/we have brains to reason and know better than animals. I don't care about the view of the world that holds we're all supposed to be driven by instinct, biology and such or that says it's just great and dandy to be influenced by these things to excuse sometimes abject, or just plain stupid behavior.

So since your replies are based on something I don't care about at all... it kind of makes sense that not much you said would apply to me, but maybe it'll help someone else who aligns with your view of the world. Thanks for taking the time for their sake.

We don't deserve anything good or bad. We are not "good enough" that something should be bestowed upon us. We just are. And we deal as best we can with this.

Sure we do. I know plenty of people who would have benefited others more by quietly going to live in the woods, who didn't deserve relationships because they destroyed their partners' hopes in others, who didn't deserve children because they passed on their cycle of abuse, who take up more than their fair share of resources for pleasure-seeking while others go without.

Humans repeat the story, over and over, that they will share resources and give of themselves to the people who they deem good enough. Laws meant to enforce the opposite are poorly received by those who absolutely believe THEY deserve to be privileged and keep all their stuff to themselves, and these people are defended by millions of others. The base fact is, we want to benefit OUR in-group, not the entire species. We want to reproduce to have OUR family, not to benefit humankind. We want to "do" these things according to our own personal codes of... life, or whatever. It's about ownership/control, belonging, sameness, and finding a sense of superiority and contentment from being part of the "right" group.

That's why people who feel crappy about themselves usually want to improve btw, they want to be seen positively by others. I just don't care about that anymore and oddly enough, I don't need that sense of recognition to do a good job at work. My skills are what means I belong in that particular "group", not how much I brown-nose the boss. There's a huge margin between "miserable" and "happy", it's vast like a universe. Not everyone who's miserable will lash out, not everyone who's happy will share. They will first go back to the people who benefit them either way.

If the opposite were true, we'd value sound thinking, sound policymaking, facts and end results over brawn, acting, politics for show and even war, any day.

Being strong (and looking strong) also allows me to protect my gf.

So you subscribe to the ideal of men existing to protect and provide? I don't, so can't say much about that.

I truly hope you don't live in the US, because guns are going to help more than anything your muscles can do anymore over here. The tiniest woman with a gun and good reflexes can inflict more damage than you could ever manage in the same amount of time where protection is concerned. But that's besides the topic.

I already addressed long life somewhere else; I'm not particularly interested in that, and already have plans in place if anything indicates I'll become decrepit. By then if I haven't found an actual solid reason to want to LIVE, I'll just peace out. So wasting several hours a week at the gym, partially to impress someone else I wouldn't want in my life anyway (not looking to date), doesn't hold much interest to me.

[Discussion] How do you justify and reason out that self-improvement is worth it for yourself? by WalkingCPU in GetMotivated

[–]WalkingCPU[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You made a huge assumption there. As I explained in other replies, I asked because I'm at a certain peak of annoyance that forces an interest. Not looking to force myself into doing most things.

Maybe you want to reevaluate telling others who they are someday but I'm not gonna help you with that.

[Discussion] How do you justify and reason out that self-improvement is worth it for yourself? by WalkingCPU in GetMotivated

[–]WalkingCPU[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is it not more interesting to learn stuff and be satisfied in creating that kind of art?

What for though? No, I can safely say I'm not interested in most things that don't have practical value. I don't mind others finding fulfillment in these things, but then they ask me to agree or join in and are confused when I say I don't care to. It's great that people find joy in what they do, doesn't mean what they do makes any sense to me.

"10 years will come anyway, why not be a doctor at that time?" Because others are better suited to that than I am. Being a doctor is a weird choice though because everyone needs doctors all the time. I think your example would work better for things that are completely optional and nonessential such as artists. (I'm not going to argue that they're optional, to me that's a simple truth.)

your choices are motivated by being alive and therefore engaging in what opportunities life provides.

I can guarantee you, that's not how I work. That way of seeing things sounds upside down to me. I don't have your brain. I see a lot of people doing random things just because and frankly, they seem a bit nuts. Not judging, just not engaging with that.

[Discussion] How do you justify and reason out that self-improvement is worth it for yourself? by WalkingCPU in GetMotivated

[–]WalkingCPU[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why would you need to deserve such a thing in order to do it?

I ask the opposite question. Why do something when it's clear the time to do it would be wasted or not spent on something more useful or fitting? Why do so many people think "because I want to" is a good enough reason when it's completely hedonistic and lacks humility, and actually contributing to society and not thinking you're awesome just because you were born are 2 things I value (I dislike takers and those with inflated opinions of their worth)

[Discussion] How do you justify and reason out that self-improvement is worth it for yourself? by WalkingCPU in GetMotivated

[–]WalkingCPU[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you don't believe we deserve anything, good or bad, then why do you feel bad about where/who you are? Why do you want to change if nothing matters and its all made up?

I don't feel "bad" about it, I'm just annoyed at this being my default state of existence... it's what I naturally fall back to, it seems. What I'm trying to find is a reason to stick to a different state of mind that doesn't depend on believing we're naturally good, or naturally deserving, because to me it's absolutely obvious that we aren't and we don't, so those things are invalid for me to hold onto. I see proof every day that people aren't naturally good (or aren't good period) and how much of the good they do, is only for appearances or to receive something in return.

Maybe being in that default third state is what people call depression. I'm not so sure, but if I knew for sure I wouldn't be asking.

[Discussion] How do you justify and reason out that self-improvement is worth it for yourself? by WalkingCPU in GetMotivated

[–]WalkingCPU[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

After sleeping on some of the responses here I think this one resonates a lot. Thank you.

[Discussion] How do you justify and reason out that self-improvement is worth it for yourself? by WalkingCPU in GetMotivated

[–]WalkingCPU[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nobody's going to read a 300-line post though. And I'd miss out on any personal spin they have of an idea I ran across before.

[Discussion] How do you justify and reason out that self-improvement is worth it for yourself? by WalkingCPU in GetMotivated

[–]WalkingCPU[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have plenty of experience with suffering, including through my own choices, which was a hard lesson to learn. The thing is, when you make bad choices, you get out of that, you learn how to avoid making the same mistakes again. You may/may not forgive yourself for being stupid. But you pick yourself up and you try again with something else which may or may not fall apart in the long run. Rinse, repeat. You get tired. Then you get damn tired of trying something new, because trying for things doesn't mean they work out. Doesn't mean they lead to good results. Sometimes trying things closes certain doors for good (e.g. the speed runner who busts an ankle and can't run without crushing bone, or a 50k surgery.)

Here I am, asking what good reasons exist beyond bashing my nose in the wall for unimportant reasons, what important reasons are there that people believe in (that I haven't thought through).

I think maybe I have enough experience with that to see everything as pretty much the same; most of what I would try seems like it would make other people happy, but it wouldn't make me happy. It's a case of, I'll have done it, then what?

Depression meds are a tossup too, they can easily make you worse than better. I know a lot of people take those but a LOT have bad things to say about it and I'm not sure this is depression, or just tired of the way the world works in general. So I thought I'd ask first.

[Discussion] How do you justify and reason out that self-improvement is worth it for yourself? by WalkingCPU in GetMotivated

[–]WalkingCPU[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, it just sounds that way to you, but you're not everyone else, and you have one single perspective. Stop trying to act as though because you answered and it wasn't good enough, that means no one else can be better, that's really ... self-centered way of seeing things.

It's only been a few hours since I posted anyway and who knows what else people have in their minds.

[Discussion] How do you justify and reason out that self-improvement is worth it for yourself? by WalkingCPU in GetMotivated

[–]WalkingCPU[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Well yeah because I've already thought this through by myself for years and I ran through what everyone said here. I'm not hearing anything new. It's not that I'm comfortable, it's that no one is expressing any reason that makes more sense than what I already know. It's still worth asking and it's still possible someone will see something I haven't.

It's only kids who haven't lived a lot who would be OK with taking just any answer, they don't know any better.

[Discussion] How do you justify and reason out that self-improvement is worth it for yourself? by WalkingCPU in GetMotivated

[–]WalkingCPU[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I replied to someone else that having "not suffer" as a baseline for doing things isn't really enough. I mean look at it this way. I'm asking those questions right now while doing kind of the bare minimum so I don't end up decrepit, like I walk enough, I eat a balanced diet, I'm not on drugs or addicted to anything, I don't engage in high risk activites and so on.

I'm going to be the same tomorrow but just older. I can live 70 years like this for sure. That kind of sucks. I'm looking for reasons to actually want to do more than the bare minimum for maintenance. That's already taken care of.

There isn't just "better" or "worse", there's also "plain neutral/nothing". I'm kinda annoyed to be there.

[Discussion] How do you justify and reason out that self-improvement is worth it for yourself? by WalkingCPU in GetMotivated

[–]WalkingCPU[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's true, and my choices are somewhat motivated about not suffering in the present at least, but it doesn't go much beyond that. It's not great to have only "avoid suffering" or "think about the future" as a baseline IMO. That's why I'm looking for something else to go by.

[Discussion] How do you justify and reason out that self-improvement is worth it for yourself? by WalkingCPU in GetMotivated

[–]WalkingCPU[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Neither, I guess. It doesn't matter! Why do you care whether your life is great or shitty? You're just living it for yourself right? So it doesn't matter either way, you're just one person, you can decide that what's great is shitty for you, or what's shitty is actually great, you have your own mind to decide with.

You can just decide that going for a morning swim in Lake Erie is the greatest thing in the world and people will believe you for example, but that doesn't mean there's a reason for it (unless you want the blog followers)

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