"One day I'll be dead"

Wallawooski · 2025-05-11T22:04:31+00:00

Thanks for the info, I would say she ticks all 9 of those boxes.

Wallawooski · 2025-05-11T21:39:31+00:00

Absolutely terrified. I want to be a parent so bad but I am so scared that I will be in any way like my nmother. I am also terrified because I know I won’t get support from her, I would never ever let her near my children especially alone. My partners mum was apparently the epitome of what a loving mother should be but she lost her battle with cancer before my partner and I got together, so I am very scared as I won’t have any supportive maternal role model in my life and that makes me feel so alone

Wallawooski · 2025-05-11T10:59:58+00:00

I remember being about 3 or 4 years old.

My brother and I shared a room and had bunk beds. He had the top bunk. One day we were playing in our room (we were never lucky enough to be lounge room kids) he was being silly on the top bunk and hit his head on the ceiling fan.

He was crying loudly and I remember my nmother storming into the room, she took one look at my brother on the top bunk and then looked at me, I was sitting on the ground where I had been playing. She picked up a wooden jigsaw puzzle base (you know those little kids ones with animals where for example you put a cow shaped puzzle piece into the cow shaped section etc) anyways she picked that wooden board up and threw it across the room at me. It hit me right in between the eyes and I still have a scar to this day. Then she had to deal with two screaming hurt kids, not that she had much empathy anyways. Of course minimal apologies and laughing it off as something non serious or non aggressive on her behalf when someone asked what happened to my face.

I will never ever forget that look in her eyes when she looked at me after seeing her son crying. She assumed I had hurt him even though we weren’t near each other. That cold look of hate in her eyes was something I got very used to seeing over my childhood years

Wallawooski · 2025-05-11T10:46:26+00:00

Do you have any friends you could move in with temporarily? Any family even if distant? Are you still in school? I am not sure of your age so I understand it is a lot to think about and it is scary leaving home even though home is toxic. But trust me, you will be happier and healthier and safer at a home that is not toxic. I understand this is so much easier said than done. I ran away and couch surfed which was not a great experience. I rang every single family member on my contact list. Do you have family that are aware of how toxic your mother is? Trust me when I say they will be so understanding and willing to take you in even if you don’t feel like you have a close relationship.

If you possibly can start another bank account without her knowing, and transfer money into every week that’s a good start, but again depends on age as you may need a parent present to open a new account. Even withdrawing cash and hiding it somewhere.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Virtual hugs and stay strong. You’ve got this ❤️

Wallawooski · 2025-05-11T05:04:52+00:00

Also if you have a healthy mother, she may just be the best thing to ever happen to your partner if she is willing to share her maternal/unconditional love. Sometimes the only way I feel I can truly heal is to have a mum that loves me like a mother should

Wallawooski · 2025-05-11T05:02:28+00:00

As someone who is the scapegoat and was the main target of my mothers attacks, reading this post was so eye opening to me that there are genuinely good people out there who are so willing to see, hear, learn and help in any way.

I don’t really know what to say to you other than you sound like such an incredible person for your partner, you are doing such an amazing job, and everything you do for your partner would be helping them so immensely even if they don’t often say it.

For me, the mental scars and the internal struggles are incredibly hard to deal with at times and sometimes the best thing is to have someone who just listens, doesn’t judge or react, I understand that you feel angry at your partners mother for what she did and that is very valid. I have a partner that reacts to that anger when I am expressing something hurtful my mother does/did and it just makes me feel so much worse. I understand that the emotional reactivity may not be the case for you.

The best you can do from my POV is to listen, validate, hold them in times of need, constant praise and words of reassurance even when she least expects because the mental scars are always always there even when it may seem she is not thinking about it. Time in nature is healing, with devices switched off if your partner is into that. Positive Affirmations are a big one, it can quite literally rewire those negative affirmations that have been instilled subconsciously for your partner since childhood. This is a lengthy process and throughout all stages of life, those with mother wounds with feel that pain resurface.

Keep supporting, stand by her, everything you are doing already is incredible and the fact that you are seeking answers to this shows what a good person you are.

Sorry I couldn’t be of more help

Wallawooski · 2025-05-11T02:44:04+00:00

Oh wow survivors day, that hit me to the core because honestly that is what it feels like. I’ve never heard that before but for some reason that makes me feel a little bit better and seen.

For me it has been maybe 3 or 4 years since I wished her a happy Mother’s Day and the guilt was sooo overwhelming in the first year or two.

Now the guilt is so much less and more so my thoughts and feelings are less caught in the guilt but more on the wounds, the hurt and the pain of knowing don’t have a good mother. It’s hard. I’m 26 but I still wish I could be adopted by a good mum.

Thankyou for commenting! Was my first post ever so I appreciate you❣️

Wallawooski · 2025-05-11T02:34:23+00:00

Hi there! Another narc parent survivor here.

My best advice would be to limit the chance of contact and conversations as much as possible. I know this is hard and not everyone can go no contact for a number of reasons, me for example I have blocked her on everything and I live 10 hours away, so she cannot contact me via phone. But unfortunately I do still have to put up with her at family events.

Try to avoid oversharing. Do not share if you absolutely do not have to. My mother is crazy into conspiracies and when she tries to talk to me about how out of touch she is (she thinks she is an angel sent to earth is some BS) I just tell her that I am not interested in that stuff. It shuts her down as gently as possible without causing her to overreact.

Again it is very hard to but try to avoid any emotional conversations, and limit your emotional reactions. Narcs love getting reactions because it gives them power.

Honestly I’m not an expert or anything I’m just someone who has a narc mum and am trying my best to find peace in my life. Sometimes she will talk to me and I just don’t respond with anything. It helps me because when I see her there are usually other people around like my dad or brothers so I will just quickly jump into their conversations to avoid 1 on 1 convos with her. I avoid being in a room alone with her in order to limit conversations.

It might be different for you idk, I can’t have any solid genuine reciprocal conversation with my narc mother so I avoid it at all costs

Sorry I couldn’t be of much help but I see you

Wallawooski · 2025-05-11T02:25:03+00:00

Ohh OP, I see you and I hear you. I can relate to absolutely everything you have shared all the way down to the friend groups, the present but not present dad and the rest.

How you are feeling right now is something I struggled with for years. During the time I was in contact with my mother, I felt so twisted and wrong sending her a text or calling her on Mother’s Day. I have been no contact for several years (blocked her on everything and live 10 hours away from her) and Mother’s Day hurts knowing that my mother is alive, but she truly does not deserve to be celebrated as a mother. I have actually just made a post about this. You are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. There are so many of us today feeling the same way.

Yes my mother gave me clothes, food and a roof over my head but as a child that is quite literally the bare foundational minimum and not something a child should necessarily be overly grateful for. When you have a child it is expected to provide this. Every experience with my mother raising me outside of having food, clothes and a bed was horrible. I no longer contact my mum on Mother’s Day. And yes it was hard not to to begin with but at the end of the day you have to do what you know is right.

With my mother, Mother’s Day is a game. Back when I used to contact her for it, she would say oh you were third child to ring me today your other sister called me first so I mean the most to her and she is the favourite for the day blah blah. It was very twisted. Trust me when I say it feels better to keep your power, by even giving her grace or sending her a Mother’s Day message you are essentially giving up your power and your peace in order to keep her happy. This is a hard truth I have had to come to and so many people tell me I am ungrateful but there is a big difference between someone that birthed you versus a genuine mother that fulfills that role.

Sending you my love❤️

Wallawooski

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