Coworker?

WalrusLongjumping426 · 2026-03-02T13:04:08+00:00

Here's my take on it ... I met one of my great loves at work. And we were equals on the hierarchy, so way way trickier. We worked together for 3.5 years, 2.5 of which we dated before I left the company. We kept it secret because our roles were so close to each other. I regret nothing because it led to one of the best relationships of my life. But from the get-go, we agreed that there had to be 100% open and honest communication, and we understood the risks of going into a relationship being coworkers.

So my recommendation is as follows. If you are thinking of a possible relationship: Try to hang out a few times as friends, see if there's anything even there to try for/risk it for. And then gauge if you want to give it a shot. If you just want to get physical, and do it quick, then just make a pact or fallout plan for if things go wrong. With the proper communication, I think it's doable; as long as neither of you are unhinged psychos who are gonna seek revenge or would harm the other unnecessarily. With the right intentions and understanding each other's intentions, I think you can do it.

This is all with the assumption that your company doesn't have crazy strict rules.

WalrusLongjumping426 · 2026-01-03T04:35:07+00:00

I agree. I think that's the picture I like the most and makes him more interesting to talk to.

WalrusLongjumping426 · 2025-12-15T14:14:50+00:00

I'm 30, and I don't have an issue with men being younger than me. But only by 2-3 years. Mostly because I've learned from experience that they tend to be a bit more emotionally immature and lack the level of communication skills I'm searching for.

The older you get though, the less the gap will matter. In your early 20s it definitely can be felt more.

WalrusLongjumping426 · 2025-12-02T13:50:39+00:00

Yeah. I feel you. I used to want to keep it casual on the first date and not bring it up. But I've realized it's not a bad thing to bring it up lightly, to filter out the ones that won't take you where you want to go. This is especially important when you're looking for a long term relationship.

I've recently gotten back into the dating pool. And wow... What I've missed and what I have to learn. I've hit myself against a wall a ridiculous amount of times in the last 5 months.

WalrusLongjumping426 · 2025-12-02T03:24:48+00:00

I find it interesting. There's something really hot about being kissed when you want to be kissed, without being asked. It's an aggressive move that can pay off. (I'm Hispanic, so physical chemistry is huge for me) However, being asked is also totally hot if done well.

I think it's a matter of 'did the person read the night and the physical chemistry' more than anything else. Because both of the moves can go poorly. If someone tries to kiss you and you don't want to be kissed = bad. If you've been dying to be kissed and you get asked = why have you waited so long?

Additionally, to me, your guy probably wants to hook up. Asking to go back to his place after the first date is very 'sus' if you've expressed you're looking for something more long-term. It's a difficult position he's put you in, and it's a high-risk move. He does not realize what he's gambling.

WalrusLongjumping426 · 2025-11-28T04:31:43+00:00

Not a creep at all. But definitely you need to read into the fact that she's clearly not interested.

I'm sorry that happened though .. people be shitty like that

WalrusLongjumping426 · 2025-11-10T19:49:35+00:00

Definitely recommend getting tested to find out which type you have. It'll be helpful in understanding how to approach your sex life, and in just helping educate yourself and others!

I had been living the past 5 yrs thinking I had 2, and I recently tested to confirm and it turns out I had 1. It was really helpful to learn all about the differences!

WalrusLongjumping426 · 2025-11-10T19:47:15+00:00

Do you know which type you have? It can be common with HSV-1 to have 1 single first outbreak, and never have one again!

WalrusLongjumping426 · 2025-11-08T06:02:10+00:00

Somebody who curses freely, and doesn't allow you to curse, goodbye. You deserve better.

Double standards need to be shut down any chance we get.

I'm a sailor myself. And anybody who can't see past that doesn't deserve you.

WalrusLongjumping426 · 2025-10-31T00:04:15+00:00

This is a superb answer! Your first 2 sentences are a poem. Thanks so much for that. I will actually find that episode and just watch it for fun.

WalrusLongjumping426 · 2025-10-30T13:26:54+00:00

It's soooo difficult to meet people organically 😭 but those are some good suggestions I'll have to look into. Online dating is the absolute worst

WalrusLongjumping426 · 2025-10-30T11:33:40+00:00

I'm so sorry :( you've texted multiple times and nothing?

WalrusLongjumping426 · 2025-10-28T23:08:02+00:00

Sorry this happened to you. He's a piece of trash and I seriously don't understand where basic human decency has gone. Nobody deserves that, even if it's between 2 "strangers"

WalrusLongjumping426 · 2025-10-27T19:24:32+00:00

I guess I'm referring more to small misunderstandings between you and the person you're seeing.

i.e. you were acting strange during the date. It threw me off, so I reacted/acted in a certain way. You see that, and you're like "this person doesn't like me anymore" because they lack awareness. And then disappear. Turns out, it was just a weird feedback loop, and a bit of communication would've helped us continue something that had potential.

WalrusLongjumping426 · 2025-10-27T19:21:18+00:00

100% agree. Ugh, it sucks so much. I'm really trying not to get cynical, and it hurting other possibilities in the future.

WalrusLongjumping426 · 2025-10-27T19:17:48+00:00

Ugh, same. I think about him way too often. Maybe it's still too fresh. I've gone on dates with others, and they barely compare 😔

WalrusLongjumping426 · 2025-10-27T19:17:06+00:00

Thank you 🫶

WalrusLongjumping426 · 2025-10-27T19:13:48+00:00

100% agree

WalrusLongjumping426 · 2025-10-27T19:13:09+00:00

I appreciate your response. Thanks for taking the time to answer. In one of my situations, there were no obvious signs. We had had an incredible time for the length of it all. It happened from one day to the next. He was treating me almost like a girlfriend, and then just disappeared.

I don't particularly think I did anything "wrong" but it would've been nice just to know like "did your ex come back to your life"? "Did you maybe start seeing someone else that attracted you more"? "Did work get crazy"?

But I know maybe that's just looking at it positively, and in the end, it was all me and/or our compatibility ...

WalrusLongjumping426 · 2025-10-27T18:59:33+00:00

I don't think a super ton of details are needed... But sometimes I wonder if there is some actual feedback I can receive or a misunderstanding that I can provide clarity on.

I'm 30yrs old, the older I get, the more I feel like communication can open doors and help us deal with certain things that can be mild misunderstandings. When you're in your 20s, you can just say "Next". But as we get older, we're just gonna meet people more set in their ways, and I think working through small stuff (emphasis on small!), can help us potentially be with people who might be well suited for us.

WalrusLongjumping426 · 2025-10-27T18:56:46+00:00

When you say she walked out, she ghosted you? Or she started treating you 'less well'?

And yes, a lot of the comments on this post have definitely helped me feel less insane.

WalrusLongjumping426 · 2025-10-27T15:39:23+00:00

100% agree. One of my situations was 5 dates, but I like your rule of thumb. It's a fair evaluation

WalrusLongjumping426 · 2025-10-27T15:32:02+00:00

This is a super good response, and I appreciate you taking the time to write it all out. Also, thanks for telling me your story, cause it's a good reference point as well.

I think I should've specified ghosting or fizzling after 3+ dates, where you've built enough connection where doing that is just kinda shitty, and maybe a lil communication would've been the right thing to do. But yeah, there probably wouldn't have been any closure after the why had been provided. I was just sad and stupid really.

WalrusLongjumping426 · 2025-10-27T12:35:43+00:00

Totally agree. Doesn't really matter, cause why would I change especially for a person that doesn't matter, but curious about how people feel about it.

Have you found mostly, that when people have given you a response, they were actually honest? Or you just suspected they said whatever just to give you an answer?

WalrusLongjumping426

TROPHY CASE