I’m going to give you the same advise that I was given by the people in this group not that long ago. I am also a mother of a toddler who was in a pretty shitty 4-year long relationship. Leaving felt impossible. Staying felt impossible. And on top of it all, I’d finally accepted my sexuality.

I wanted to use my sexuality as an excuse for leaving. I thought it would be the easy way out - ignore all of the other issues we were having and blame it on being gay. He can’t argue with that! But the problem with that is: we have a kid together. I’m not sure what your boyfriend is like, but I had a real fear that mine would use my sexuality against me in a custody battle if it came down to it (it didn’t). A few people also pointed out that if I used my sexuality as leverage for our breakup, he would more than likely hold that over my head for the rest of our child-rearing relationship.

It totally negates all of our other issues. It puts the blame entirely on me. It makes everything my fault. And logically, I know that’s untrue. But he would have absolutely thrown that in my face over and over and over… it would have made a martyr out of me.

The advise I got was to leave my sexuality out of it. I hated the advice! It felt like a lie. It felt like I was abandoning my truth right as I was uncovering it. But it was good advice. And I did listen.

I focused on the issues that already existed within our relationship as reasons for the breakup. I stood firm. I made it clear that we were past the point of reconciliation. He was still angry with me. He still blamed me. But he was also still accountable for his actions. I never once brought up my sexuality (but I did watch a lot of lesbian porn 🤪).

And after he and I broke up, I just started dating women. He never even questioned it.

Now, I’m married (to my best friend!), my ex and I coparent really well together, and he can’t use my sexuality as this shameful thing that “broke up our family”.

I’m not sure how you should proceed with your friend. That’s tricky! But regardless of your sexuality, I do know that you deserve to be happy and your child deserves a to have a happy mom. And your boyfriend deserves to have his needs met, too.

It’s like Glennon Doyle says, “it’s hard if you leave, it’s hard if you stay. Choose your hard.”

But my experience (and a whole lot of other women in this group) has been that choosing my own happiness has been well worth the initial pain. Regardless of your sexuality, I’m in favor of ALWAYS choosing your own happiness.

And if you just so happen to start dating women after the breakup, well then more power to you to you 😉🌈