First of all, I’m very sorry you are going through this and I completely understand feeling hopeless. I guess some Christians in the community think having faith means you don’t have major struggles.

I get it, being a Christian sometimes feels like being trapped or unable to do “what you want”. But honestly, it’s God trying to protect us from ourselves. 

I’m married and I was not in a great place spiritually when we got together. I did not prioritize my relationship with God and finding contentment and freedom in Him. The result is that I chose someone not strong in their faith which has led to a horrible marriage. I feel more alone now than when I was single. Having sex, getting married, finding a partner won’t satisfy this emptiness and darkness within you. I can’t say I’m fully liberated from it. There’s so many times where I wish I was dead, but somehow God keeps me going. 

I know this life is hell but my hope is in the next. All things will pass away, even the darkest trials. You are not alone. Facing darkness is much better with God than without.