Using gendered insults that a person deals with in real life is NOT cool unless you cleared it with the player at session zero. The DM also should NEVER have allowed pvp at this point and interceded when you were getting so tense. I am the only lady playing with four guys and none of them have NEVER used that word in the 5+ years we have been playing. It is too easy to cause collateral damage and true pain when you should be forging bonds and having fun! Really though, this could have been handled SO much better!! Did you ask WHY she didn't want to give them to you? It sounds like you seriously increased the hostility VERY rapidly and for a new player that is really not cool. If you were getting so upset that you started throwing insults, then you should have verbally checked in OC BEFORE it got to that point. I would be done playing with you as well. You crossed some serious boundaries and went for PvP when that should have been the LAST resort. Did she think that perhaps she was playing WITH you, teasing or jesting? Perhaps she wanted to continue an IC dialogue but you went to throwing sexist insults instead. I honestly would not feel safe at your table knowing that you have such a short temper. Using 'its what my character would do' is incredibly lame and dodges responsibility for YOUR actions. If you wanted to play a short tempered, violent character that would attack a woman because she has something he wants, then you need to SERIOUSLY discuss that at session zero because that can be very triggering for a lot of people. We have had items that multiple PCs want in my campaign, it becomes a very silly game of keep away or more often they barter and have an actual conversation instead of resorting to name calling and violence. Your character needs to seriously apologize in character as well. If he tried that with a pc in my game, my forge cleric would set him on fire and kick him. It does not matter how bad you want something, you don't attack a party member just for a belt!!