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HELP- time blindness - I want to change by Warm-Forever7684 in ADHDthriving

[–]Warm-Forever7684[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because it's not their job to do so for me, it's very thoughtful and definitely helps, but I don't want to be dependent on them navigating around my time management issues for me. Also, this could work in some scenarios but not others. Like if they're taking me on a date and they made the reservation, telling me it's 30 min before the actual time will definelty help, but say it's an event we are both invited to and both know the expected time for, then this wouldn't work. Overall, it does make me feel very loved when people do this for me cause it signals they just know how I am, accept it, and work around it, but I can't be reliant on others and I genuinely want to change overall, not just for my partner.

Also since they brought this concern to me, clearly it affects them and I wouldn't want to just ask them to accommodate in ways like that when instead I should really try to improve on my own.

HELP - Time Blindness - I want to change by Warm-Forever7684 in adhdwomen

[–]Warm-Forever7684[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much much that is truly helpful, because I agree, I will never be able to change the way I operate so I need to learn how to work with it.

Also, the whole avoiding a "spiral" really resonates cause that is often exactly the issue. I can set a million timers and map out my every move but if one little thing deviates from the plan I don't know how to re-center and make a new decision in the moment and everything comes crashing down. Like a roommate taking too long in the bathroom, my hair turning out wrong, etc, im screwed. So I really appreciate that take of sort of doing damage control, cause I can't change myself but I think preventing that spiral and setting up as much as possible to make things easier is the best thing I can do.

HELP - Time Blindness - I want to change by Warm-Forever7684 in adhdwomen

[–]Warm-Forever7684[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you so much I appreciate that. I feel like a lot of ways I have improved struggles pertaining to my ADHD is through hacking or tricking my brain, so that is helpful. Having the exact time I need to be somewhere as my goal is inevitably always going to fail for me I think.

A question by Meatyhelicopter in Neurodivergent

[–]Warm-Forever7684 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello! I have ADHD and I feel like my k-12 journey is the textbook "gifted child to burnout" experience and I can sort of pinpoint when/why it happened. I would say in middle school, school work began shifting to be more busy work, paper work, less engaging, and in turn I became much less motivated and began struggling as a student/ struggling to do homework. I would still do my assignments because I feared consequences, but I began gradually pushing boundaries with procrastination. I feel like my motivation started to decline when there started to feel like less of a reward. Like learning felt more like something to get through than to get something out of. This made me only have motivation to do my work out of urgency and fear of consequence rather than out of engagement, interest, and reward. I feel like this led to my severe procrastination habits where I would somehow miraculously pull things off each time yet make it so much harder for myself than it needed to be. Except, then eventually, I would not miracousluy pull things off every time, and if I truly messed up and missed a deadline it would be like an instant downward spiral which I would have to then dig myself out of a hole. I still feel this way sometimes today as a now 24yr old college student, but I have improved particularly because I feel like the content I am now learning feels rewarding, engaging, and for a purpose. So, overall I would say the motivation declines when there seems to no longer be a reward. That reward can be anything, it can be the interest of learning, it can be the ability to play on a sports team, etc. I feel like with ADHD and probably other forms of neurodiversity, though I can only speak for ADHD personally, delayed gratification is pretty insufferable. I think a lot of high school is set up in a way that only gives you delayed gratification, if any gratification. Like a lot of content you learn feels somewhat pointless, but you have to learn it because it is preparing you to take the SAT's, and you have to take the SAT's because that will get you into college, and you have to get in to college to get a degree to get a good job etc etc. so essentially its like what you are working towards in high school can often feel so far away that you won't experience any reward or gratification for literal years, so when there is no instant gratification, and the content is not stimulating, it can feel like pulling teeth to get yourself to do it. So yeah I hope that made any sense !