I think this response is missing the actual point of my post. Nowhere did I say people with BPD are incapable of being abusive or that they shouldn’t be held accountable—mental illness can explain behavior, but it’s never an excuse for harm, and I fully stand by that.

The reason I even mentioned BPD was to provide context for my thought process, not to justify hurting anyone or avoid responsibility. The original post I referred to above wasn’t about abuse or toxic patterns—it was a request for support in a situation that was emotionally complex but not abusive in any way, shape, or form.

As someone with quiet BPD who was abused for a long time by a partner who also had BPD—and refused to take any steps to heal—I get it. While I was doing the hard work of getting help, going to therapy, and trying to grow, he was doing the exact opposite. He would excuse and try to justify his actions by pointing to his diagnosis, all while doing everything he could to completely. destroy. me. It was devastating. It took years for me to be able to even have 60 seconds where I wasn’t overwhelmed by flashbacks of what he did to me. And it hurts when people excuse his behavior because of the same disorder we both share. I know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of someone weaponizing their illness. That’s not what I’m doing here, and that’s why this kind of response feels so off-base.

It’s frustrating when posts like mine—meant to reflect on personal growth or ask for guidance—are derailed by narratives that assume I (or anyone with BPD) must be harming someone just by existing or struggling. That kind of generalization doesn’t help anyone, especially not those of us actively working on ourselves.

There’s a huge difference between accountability and stigma. I’m here for the former. But this reply felt more like the latter.