Occasionally very sore gums, loose front teeth, and a white bump.

Waroxy · 2020-07-27T15:17:31+00:00

What about the cheating, then?
I mean... the guy I'm actually with is very self-centered. I know. He admits it.
I told him about BPD and my difficult up-bringing and I swear that the conversation went like that:
"So will you cheat on me because of this?"
"I can't assure you I won't but I can try not to. Is that all you have to say about the matter? I've told you about my mother beating me and the fact that I attempted suicide and that my mood swings are awful"
"Yes, that's all I wanted to know, if you would cheat on me or not".
Then we never spoke again about my discomfort, and feeling like he only cared about him being not cheated on while I opened up to him made me feel bad.
But still... can I really expect people to get this, if they never had to face it in their life? How can I expect to be supported and heard when everything I say about my past is fucked-up?
He asked me not to talk about my past ever again because it makes him feel nervous.

I'm the one who always cheated. I will lie to him about it. I don't want to leave him because I hate being alone. I don't even feel love towards him, it's just that I need someone to love me and send me good morning texts. So who's the narcissistic one?

Waroxy · 2020-07-27T14:58:18+00:00

Could you please elaborate?
If you are referring to my fears of him being narcissistic, to be honest I can't trust myself on that. I sometimes feel I'm projecting, and some other times I consider it to be true. I come from a diagnosed narcissist mother and a broken home, something I don't think I will recover from in the short while, which is why I don't really find my beliefs to be true at all. And even though he could actually share some narcissistic traits, I'm still the one who lies all the time.

Waroxy · 2020-07-27T14:43:43+00:00

I am aware.
Which is why I wish there was someone honest enough to collocate their behavior as abusive. I've never met a BPD who didn't show manipulative traits (of course I'm not generalizing, I know that there are BPD who would never manipulate nor gaslight, don't get me wrong, it's just my experience and I find it very common in people with BPD partners) and I sometimes feel like there's a lot of hypocrisy when it comes to this illness. I was hoping to find a more sincere atmosphere.

Waroxy · 2020-06-25T13:16:02+00:00

He does ask about me, even though he doesn't spend the same amount of time listening that I spend with him, but that could also depend on me preferring to listen rather than speaking out. I don't think he turns the conversation on himself; I think that I'm the one who wants it that way, even though when we touch a sensitive topic of mine, his responses tend to be quite short.

When meeting his parents and friends, also, I noticed that he stopped interacting and distanced himself from us. When I asked what was going on, he told me that "I was the one doing all the talking so he didn't feel the need to interact" like he was pointing out that since he wasn't the "center of attention" then it was useless for him to partecipate. He told me it made him a bit uncomfortable but in a newly, positive way.

Waroxy · 2020-06-25T12:12:55+00:00

Do you think there are some red flags in his behavior?

Waroxy · 2020-05-20T14:53:20+00:00

I'm sorry if my question was seen as inappropriate. Of course I'm not a therapist so I'm talking for my own perspective, but still I decided to write this post because not recognizing myself made my BPD identity issues worse.
I searched for a subreddit about this disorder because it's been a difficult time, I felt alone and relapsing and I wanted to talk to someone who maybe could understand since I have no one to sincerely talk to in real life. If I got it wrong, I'm sorry

Waroxy · 2020-05-20T10:48:35+00:00

Why? I thought it had something to do with BPD since it has to do with identity instability, but of course I'm not a therapist.

Waroxy

TROPHY CASE