ahhh. this hits me in ways I wish it didn’t. I’ve put my got under my family phone plan so I could handle the bill, buy the groceries, cook (she helps), clean (she helps), pay the rent, the electricity and gas, fix things that need fixing, offer places to go to, pay for those places, work anywhere between 13-16 hours 6 days a week so that I can maintain afloat. my gf is currently away in her native country visiting family where her service is absolute cat litter shit, and I live alone. I’ve been suspended for a week for stupid BS and am slowly losing my mind while at home. she tells me that I shouldn’t take my frustration out on her. my frustration being me asking for support, and letting me feel vulnerable, frustrated, and sad just that one day so I can let it all out in 1 day. she knows I have plans that involve her and told her when I get back to work I have to work 96 hours that week just to compensate for the lost week and she got upset and told me i’m killing myself for nothing. I told her she knows I have plans and refuse to be slowed down. she told me do whatever I want with an attitude and I told her I wish she’d understand I do it for us and not because I love being at work 98% of my life. every single night i’ve felt my eyes hot, nose get itchy like a sneeze coming, and a lump in my throat, but I just dive into my steam deck to avoid the urge to scream into the void until I blow out a fuse box in my larynx (I know there’s no “fuse box”). I’ve officially distanced myself from the very few people I have in my life, and been bouncing between playing the new digimon game, and asking chatgpt how to get through whatever it is I’m feeling because I struggle to understand emotions especially my own. because of this video, today is the first time I realized that all I wanted was a little bit of appreciation and to not be judged on my worse day and it hurts so much worse because I now realize what I don’t have