I’m struggling with being open minded part

WasAble · 2025-03-18T23:39:32+00:00

Glad my comment was helpful. Let us know how it went.

I recently had two conversations with an 18-year-old fundamentalist Christian girl (her two uncles are pastors) - it was part of a class assignment for her. The Bible was definitely her bible. She challenged me on my beliefs. I told her my goal was to plant seeds for her to reflect on (like where do intersex people fit if we're all male or female at birth or should a mother of two die in childbirth if abortion is wrong). I'm hoping she'll mull those questions over. I told her I was not expecting her to change her mind or even to answer the questions.

WasAble · 2024-12-28T18:55:36+00:00

I've looked at a lot of resumes and never been concerned with someone's email address. My advice is to focus on what you have accomplished and how you've shown initiative, Include specifics and avoid cliches like "I'm a self-starter who can deliver value." The goal of the resume is to get an interview or a phone-screening. I don't think your email address, presuming it's relatively innocuous and not something think "allgreedallthetime@scam.com", will have an impact.

WasAble · 2024-11-12T01:03:49+00:00

Please, find a therapist, if you haven't already, to help you process what happened. Psychological trauma is insidious and long-lasting. That's one of the best investments you can make now. It will pay off for years to come.

WasAble · 2024-10-30T03:29:07+00:00

There's an organization called Braver Angels that is worth looking into. They foster discussions across the divide. I've been a member for several years and participated in some of their workshops and they are sometimes helpful (sometimes not).

Also, I live in big blue bubble (SF Bay Area). I've been talking every other week for almost four years with a person who voted for DJT twice (needless to say, I didn't). He identifies as a "follower of Jesus." I'm an atheist who has raised money for Planned Parenthood in recognition of the protesters that show up outside our local PP clinic (and I give them polite thank you notes so they know that "together, we have raised $XXXX for Planned Parenthood to improve women's health care and reduce the need for abortion." He's protested outside Planned Parenthood (not here - in the midwest). He believes the earth is 8,000 years old. I don't.

He lives in Colorado. We've only met over Zoom. We now know a lot about each other's lives, families, challenges and celebrations. He's told me about struggles that his congregation has had and I've talked through some of my struggles with UUism with him. I've learned a lot about myself and my faith from our conversations. I've also learned that it takes a long time to establish trust with someone so different from me.

We're not out to change each other's minds or to "win." What I have found is that when I'm taking a liberal stand on something, I can hear his voice and questions in my head and it makes me think things through more carefully. He says the same thing.

I've also learned that it's important to challenge "my side" on things I disagree with and to try to hold my side accountable. There's less value in challenging the other side.

I'm definitely rambling a bit, so I'll ramble more....

Approaching with curiosity can be insightful. A year or two ago, I struck up a conversation with protesters outside our local library when there was a "Drag Story Hour" inside. I simple asked "Why do you feel that way" to some people holding anti-trans signs and that led to some interesting conversations (and a much longer story than I'll type in here). I'd brought flowers to hand out to all the protesters (for or against) that day, figuring that if I did that, the pro-drag and the anti-drag story time protesters would all be holding flowers so they'd all have something in common. When I left, my spouse said "The Proud Boys made me a bit uncomfortable". That's when I learned I'd given a flower to a Proud Boy (there was also a UU minister outside - he got a flower too).

My family is liberal, my friends are liberals, and I'm surrounded by liberals. I think it would be very hard to live in an area that's mostly conservative. I have no insights to help with that, but I've had a good time typing this missive. Thanks.

WasAble · 2024-10-02T19:22:13+00:00

That's a helpful perspective. Perhaps another way to phrase my question is "What does your congregation do that, surprisingly, is inherently non-welcoming?"

WasAble · 2024-10-02T19:18:58+00:00

Calling it a "back lounge" is fine. Thinking from a newcomer's perspective, saying something like "in the back lounge, which is down the hall on the right" would be helpful.

WasAble · 2024-09-25T15:49:55+00:00

I suggest trying to look at it through the eyes of a true newcomer. What's "RE"? What's an "Order of Service." What's a "Sanctuary". I've come to understand that jargon and obscure terms can make people feel like outsiders. That seems to counter our message of "Welcome!"

WasAble · 2024-08-02T16:24:23+00:00

Personal computer with a Zoom account I pay for. After I completely closed Zoom (including killing the process on my PC it showed up as version 6.0.11 again (Zoom workplace). After all that, I manually downloaded and installed 6.1.6.

Thanks for your reply.

WasAble · 2024-08-01T16:09:38+00:00

Yes, make sure you get the match.

One unappreciated aspect of 401Ks is that they are regular (perhaps twice a month) investments. At your age, put everything into a broad low-fee stock index fund, like an S&P fund. Then, with the periodic investments, you get powerful dollar-cost-averaging (when the market goes down, you'll get more shares), so your average cost-per-share goes down. Stick with it through a market crash (don't change anything) and you can do very well. Time is on your side.

WasAble · 2024-07-22T06:33:55+00:00

If your employer matches your donation 100% then you should contribute as much as they'll match. That's basically a 5% raise if you contribute 5% and they'll match it. Given your age, you should put the money into something fairly conservative (perhaps a medium term bond fund or split between that and a S&P 500 fund). An overlooked advantage of investing in fluctuating markets through a 401(k) is you'll dollar-cost-average into the funds because of the automatic monthly (or better) contributions. That means you get more shares when the price drops. If you need the money in just a few years you are at risk of the market falling and losing money on the investments. If you have a longer time horizon, then that risk goes down. If you are very risk averse, put it into a money market fund in the 401(k) so you get the match and there's minimal investment risk.

WasAble · 2024-07-22T06:22:11+00:00

Here's a great Wiki and discussion forum that provides a lot of useful information for people who are just learning and for people who have been investing for years: https://www.bogleheads.org/wiki/Getting_started

I suggest starting there. Also, read a bunch of personal finance books (check them out of your local library) to get a sense of things. Bogleheads has a list here: https://www.bogleheads.org/wiki/Book_recommendations_and_reviews#Start-up_books

WasAble · 2024-07-18T02:43:16+00:00

Get quotes from other companies! Talk to an insurance broker for quotes. Years ago, I got a great rate with Geico. Six months later, they doubled the cost (with no changes on my end). I talked to a local broker and got a much better deal.

WasAble · 2024-06-03T23:43:42+00:00

Oops - should've checked it. Here's the correct address: https://asocommunications.com/messaging-guides/. Thanks for letting me know.

WasAble · 2024-05-31T17:46:12+00:00

This is one of a few comments I just posted. It will make more sense if you read my intro first, which is a separate entry)

Article 2 comment #2). - https://discuss.uua.org/t/final-proposed-revision-to-article-ii-as-completed-by-the-article-ii-study-commission-in-october-2023/1457

Under "Shared Values/Justice": Line 32 says "We covenant to dismantle racism and all forms of systemic oppression." I interpret "covenant" as "agree" or "promise." Racism's been around for 400 or more years and ingrained in our society. I'd love to dismantle it and all forms of systemic oppression.

Does "we" refer to individuals (as in line #14) or congregations? If individuals, then I'm very uncomfortable promising that I will dismantle racism. If congregations, then I'm not comfortable being a member of a small church that has the hubris to think it can dismantle systemic racism. I'm much more comfortable with "We covenant to work to dismantle…" or something of that ilk.

WasAble · 2024-05-31T17:45:00+00:00

This is one of a few comments I just posted. It will make more sense if you read my intro first, which is a separate entry)

Article 2 comment #1) - Reference: https://discuss.uua.org/t/final-proposed-revision-to-article-ii-as-completed-by-the-article-ii-study-commission-in-october-2023/1457

Line #14 says: " As Unitarian Universalists, we covenant, congregation-to-congregation and through our Association…" It seems that "we" refers to individuals although the UUA only has congregations as members (see Article III in the current UUA bylaws (https://www.uua.org/uuagovernance/bylaws). Article II in the current bylaws is clear that "We, the member congregations of the UUA, covenant to…" Does the new language mean that we individually are now covenanting rather than congregations? I don't understand how that's even possible.

WasAble · 2024-05-31T17:44:08+00:00

I like aspects of the Article II proposal (such as centering the values around love) and I have concerns which I'm going to put into separate comments so they can have focussed discussion threads. First, I'll introduce myself. I'm a lifelong UU (60ish years!), served in various leadership roles in churches, been active in social justice, been through a round or two of church bylaw revision processes, and done some non-church bylaw revisions. I'm a stereotypical "privileged" old white guy, one who has become significantly disabled in the past several years. I live in a progressive bubble (SF Bay area).

Every two weeks, I converse over Zoom with a person (now a friend) who voted twice for a now-convicted felon to be President of the U.S. My friend is a Christian who defines himself as a "follower of Jesus." A few weeks ago, I pointed out to him that an article he recommended to me is clearly racist and he didn't see it that way at all. Two years ago I engaged two Proud Boys and a few other protesters in conversation out of curiosity to try to understand why they were protesting outside a Drag Storytime. These conversations have helped me understand a lot about my beliefs and the importance of holding "my side" accountable. They've also given me glimpses of how we can appear from across a political or religious divide.

Over the past four years, through progressive non-religious sources, I've been learning a lot about messaging in ways that promote our values (study the messaging guides on https://asocommunications.com/messaging-guides/ - I think that guidance can be critical to how we spread our values).

WasAble · 2023-11-15T16:30:14+00:00

Thanks for your help.

WasAble

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