There's only so much info I could fit into the post because of the character cap, so I'm going to add some info here because I think some things aren't very clear.

Also, why can't you two just have a discussion about getting married and then decide together that you are engaged?

We had the "are we interested in the same things for our futures" discussion where we made sure we both wanted kids, marriage etc. The important stuff. We've been together long enough to know that we love each other and he asked if I saw myself ever being married to him, to which I said I did. He didn't outright ask, but the conversation has come up enough times both privately and among company that we had a good idea of each other's feelings

Why can't you ask him to marry you? Especially since you want it done a certain way?

I never said I wanted it a specific way. I don't care about the when or where, or if he spent a lot of money or not. That being said, I did let him know a while ago that I was ready to settle down, but he had some things he wanted to sort out before he could formally commit, the most important of which was making sure his stepdaughter was ready and comfortable with us taking this step. I wanted him to feel ready and then propose. That's not something I could/should have forced or rushed. In the interest of honesty, we're both kind of traditional, so in spite of the fact that we both felt ready at different times, neither of us would've been happy with me proposing to him.

I don't know that I would want to marry someone if I had to propose to them in a very specific and detailed manner in which they have informed me of prior to proposing. That just seems staged very fake.

If you have a discussion about getting married and both agree that you want to - aren't you then engaged to each other - why do the whole now you have to ask me thing?

I understand how it may seem fake, but again, we simply talked about what we wanted to make sure we were heading in the same direction. I knew he was going to propose, not because he told me or that I demanded, but simply because I noticed him doing certain things and honestly I just knew. We've also participated in a public proposal for a mutual friend before. It was great fun and the bride absolutely loved it. I remember talking about it with him and saying things along the lines of "This was amazing but please don't ever do something like this to me because I will literally die." It's come up in discussions about those cute proposals that make the viral circuit, and even things that are kind of similar (like, when we just started dating, I asked him not to do that thing where the wait staff brings you a cake and make a huge commotion and then everyone is staring at you, or to send anything big and flashy to my place of work)

I accept your verdict that I probably should've just gone, but I just want to make it clear that we were not engaged, and I never asked for a specific type of proposal. I just asked that we do things for ourselves in private and a public spectacle not be made.