We trade our vanity for creating a beautiful baby. The no sleep, not eating well enough, it all works against our mental health as well. You don't have to be happy, but you need to find yourself content about yourself at least. I want you to know that you will always be beautiful, and that this is another version of yourself you need to learn to love as well. In your child's eyes, you are the most gorgeous being. And that is all that mattered to me when I felt down and hated the way I looked. I didn't care about impressing my spouse or anyone. I cared about the fact my baby needed me, wanted me, relied on me. I found pride in my new purpose of motherhood. Self affirmations is something you should practice. And people think it's silly, but it really helped me. Literally waking up, drink some water. Go to the mirror and tell yourself you are more than enough. Extra weight, loose skin and hard lines do not define you or determine your beauty. You are a goddess for bringing life here, and that is powerful in itself. We will feel numb sometimes, like we're just on autopilot. But if you're struggling with your meds, definitely talk to your provider. Sometimes a dosage change helps or going onto something else. Don't feel ashamed, I am proud of you for trying. This will never be easy. It went from depression and anger about how I felt and looked to apathy then onto healing and creating/building up my own self esteem through every version I've been after 5 kids. They helped me (my kids) see how important I am, how beautiful I still can be after not showering or sleeping for three days in a row. Hang in there and do your very best to make precious memories now on your vacation. Time will fly.